


put the wild hunger where it belongs

by violet1979



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Deserved Better, F/M, Force Dyad (Star Wars), Heroine's Journey, POV Rey (Star Wars), Personal Growth, Rey Deserved Better (Star Wars), Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It, diverges from canon before Tatooine scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:34:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 45,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29114601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violet1979/pseuds/violet1979
Summary: Rey can’t stand another second of this feast of survival.Allegedly, they have won the war, and she is now the last Jedi. Or maybe she is all the Jedi. Or none of them.But something is wrong. This story is not over. If only Rey could decipher this strange dissonance in the Force.Ben – Ben will know. She can’t wait for him to show up.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 40
Kudos: 50





	1. Damage

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from “The Invocation to Kali” by May Sarton.

Rey can’t believe how dirty she has become in these few hours.

The murky water is ankle-deep, slow to drain. No wonder, as she’s been in here for a while. The skin on her fingertips is as wrinkly as when Poe taught her to swim in the lake.

The victory party already seems like days ago. As does her return to the base. Victorious. Alive.

Alone, at last, she hadn’t even cared to undress until the hot water had stilled her shaking hands. Her eyes do register her ruined clothes, abandoned to a dirty puddle on the refresher floor, but she still feels as if she’s yet to awaken from a fever dream. From ridiculous absurdity.

She’s almost grateful for the steady sting of the water on her fresh wounds. It’s high time her senses resume their task of alerting her to what’s wrong.

Her forehead, her cheek, her collar bone, her chest, and waist, both her arms, her thigh… so many abrasions and cuts of various severity. Painful. Grounding.

Not permanent.

She inspects the cut on her ring finger, which hurts the most. It’s deep, but she grits her teeth and scrubs this wound just as well. She’s learned it the hard way, on Jakku, that only clean wounds heal properly. And she should apply the bacta patches that Finn had given her.

Finn… he kept looking at her with concern, or… was it apprehension? Even though she tried hard to function as normally as anyone could expect her to, when she returned from the battlefield to heavy losses. To Leia’s tomb. Unspeakable horrors in her heart. If only she could scrub her mind as thoroughly as – she doesn’t want to think about that now.

She wants to enjoy the hot water. She hasn’t become used to it yet, to this much water at her disposal. A pure luxury, just like these single-occupant officer’s quarters on the Tantive, in the first place. It’s a wonder that the hot water system – these rooms – the whole ship – survived the battle at all. From what she’s heard, it was a close call.

The water should be enough. Her rightful bounty, for her, and for her people. The menace is gone. They are safe again. All these people can now go on with their everyday lives. They can continue using their freshers.

A strangled sound escapes her throat against her will, and she turns the water up harder. She closes her eyes to focus on the comfort it offers and places her palms on the wall, stretching her back. This has worked before. The stream massages her strained shoulders as if requesting her to relax, for once. As if somebody wanted to take care of her.

She turns the jet up harder to drown out how ugly her sobbing has become. How it has seized all of her body. The body that shouldn’t have fallen on the knees just now. The body that should be lying…

 _Say it_ , he would urge. Be honest. Be brave.

Rey is back on Ajan Kloss, although she should be lying… either dead and cold in a Sith temple grave – or gasping and sweating in a wedding bed.

Not a difficult choice at all, if it were hers that mattered.

Right. She needs to pull herself together.

Oh, she can’t wait for him to appear. She scowls into the stream, and her fist pounds the wall of its own accord.

“Solo, you idiot,” she growls for good measure, rising to her feet again.

They have hurtled way past pretending in that damned hell hole. And yet, he fucking _ditched_ her. She’ll let him know exactly how she feels about his vanishing act. She cannot wait.

She wouldn’t even mind if he caught her in the shower. Not anymore.

He surely must know. Right?

“Just show your face, Ben,” she says to eliminate any doubt. She does want to see him.

She _needs_ to.

No answer. No appearance. No noise or vision in the bond.

Strange for him to develop decorum now – he’s never shied away from a confrontation before.

But enough with the crying. And the showering.

This is a good occasion to wear the Alderaanian braid that Leia taught her. Rey doesn’t like the look in her eyes, though. She turns away from the mirror and plaits as quickly as she can. Two tight braids will form a small circlet and join the rest of the hair in a thick braid at her nape.

Great, she’s still not busy enough to stop her mind from replaying close-ups of Ben Solo’s mind-melting presence. The fiery intensity blazing in his eyes. Every move so smooth and lethal.

His stunning smile.

This outrageously handsome, stubborn _jerk_. Where is he? Why isn’t he jumping at the opportunity to sneak a peek at her bare curves?

Did she misread him somehow, and he isn’t… interested anymore?

Her hands falter, and fresh sweat erupts all over her – but no. Just no.

She finishes the braid, and she’ll get dressed.

Her time for wearing white has come and gone, and so she sifts through her wardrobe for the darkest colors she can find. Her long grey trousers with the knee-high boots. A long-sleeved undershirt for a change, along with her darkest vest. No wraps, this time, but her belt, of course.

In her haste, the pain of the fabric on the bruises barely registers.

For a moment, she considers wearing his stupid sweater on top of it all, for its natural blackness would feel so much more satisfying than all her styles of ash and slate.

But once she’s pulled it out of her bag, she can’t bring herself to do it. Instead, she sits on her bed to inhale the scent of his body. His sweat. His blood. Tainted with the smoke and dust of Exegol.

The sudden urge to nuzzle his skin makes breathing as hard as if she were crossing Kelvin Ridge at noon. If only she could shut down this craving as quickly as shoving the sweater back into the bag.

She takes a deep breath of the Tantive’s recycled air to gain back control. She’s so ready for him to show up and not above begging. “Ben, please.”

The complete lack of a reaction reminds her of the strange undercurrent in the Force that she’s noticed earlier. She’s never felt anything like that before, and... yes, it's still the same. They need to discuss this soon, make sure it isn’t another threat.

The bond – is it okay?

When she concentrates on it, the almost imperceptible static at the back of her mind feels just like it always does. And her shields towards him are still as shattered as they had become on the Death Star – no, she shouldn’t think about that now.

She should sit on the floor and cross her legs instead.

She’ll try and break through to _him_ , for once.

*

Leia is dead.

Rey has to keep repeating this fact to herself, for she still can’t grasp that this is supposed to be the state of reality now. Maybe this is what’s causing the dissonance in the Force?

She also tries to clear her head of the shameful flashbacks to what she was doing, exactly, when Leia died. Why she was so slow in catching on to the enormity of what was happening. She should never have begun that fight.

Ben had felt it first, Leia’s passing.

And Rey is back at the memorial in the middle of the night because maybe the reason why Ben doesn’t respond is that he’s… holding vigil here instead?

Rey inspects the whole of this natural cavern that Leia used as her office. She even checks under the death bed. But there’s nobody else around.

Leia’s blue gown is still arranged in neat folds in the middle of the bed, crowned with her precious signet ring. Dozens of fragrant pale blossoms and leafy garlands decorate the covers.

No body. No grave.

Leia magically disappeared a few hours after she stopped breathing, Rey was told by her fellow mourners, earlier this evening. Leia became one with the Force, they said. Nobody had any further details on what this means.

Most people were in awe of that feat. But nobody knew if every Force-sensitive being could become a ghost, or only the Jedi, or only those who trained how to do this, or only those who had earned it somehow.

But General Leia Organa was special, that much was sure. A great leader. A figurehead of hope.

Perhaps, the General would return as a Force ghost, they whispered and looked at Rey expectantly. Only the Jedi could converse with those. Rey isn’t sure about that, but yes, Force ghosts do seem to exist. If she wasn’t just hallucinating her conversation with Luke Skywalker, yesterday. She hadn’t even called him.

Rey touches the gown with her fingertips. _Hope_.

Well, if they knew, maybe they would be disappointed.

“Did you know?” She wonders if she would have dared say this to Leia’s face. “Ben was convinced that he couldn’t return to you.”

And how – how could she even assume for a second that he would be here? She knows him better than that. She may be more exhausted than she’s realized. Drained by meditating for hours on end. Worn out by the worry that he may be ignoring her calls. Insults. Implorations. By choice.

A shocking thought occurs to Rey: Leia had given up on her own son.

Just like Rey’s parents had given up on Rey.

And Rey has known all along. They both knew, and could this have been the reason why – why despite all their hugs, Leia and Rey were keeping each other at arm’s length, in the things that mattered most.

She never confided the traitorous mystery of the bond to Leia. The one time she got close enough, before leaving for Exegol, Leia didn’t want to hear it. Maybe Leia was perfectly aware of what Ben and Rey were doing all along.

Rey wonders, yet again, if Leia knew what really happened at Luke’s temple.

A sudden fit of anger makes her eyes squeeze shut and her fists clench. Instead of asking herself that same question over and over again, she should have confronted Leia when she still had the chance.

Even if by doing so, she would have defiled the memory of Master Skywalker, the savior of the Resistance. Even if she wouldn’t have liked the answers, back when she was still trying to be a good girl. A Jedi.

“There’s something I need to tell you, Leia. And something I need to know.”

But Leia doesn’t answer either.

And Rey can’t even fault her for that because it probably doesn’t bode well for a conversation when one of the parties shows such flagrant signs of agitation as she’s been doing, without noticing. With a sigh, she sets the flowers back down on the bed, down from where they have been swirling in chaotic figures, high up in the air.

If Leia were here, this would be the moment to confess her complicated feelings for Ben. Maybe Leia would rise to the occasion and prove herself a passable mother-in-law, after all.

But all of Rey’s attempts at make-belief don’t make it any less true: Leia has left her, too.

She needs to get out of here before she dissolves into a pitiful mess again.

*

It’s the first faint morning light after the battle of Exegol, and Ben Solo hasn’t turned up yet.

Rey just needs to blow off some steam. Only running and jumping. The sabers deserve a rest.

The sharp focus on straining muscles and heaving lungs always helps her to tune in to the Force around her, to every living thing that is moving and breathing, too.

Nothing has changed on her training course in the wild forests of Ajan Kloss, crisscross through the underbrush, across the Northern River Ravine, down the Thistle Cliff, up the ancient broadleaf trees, down the sandy hill right behind the main landing site, and up again. This place wasn’t touched by what happened at the other end of the galaxy.

Yes. This feels about right. As if there is nothing wrong with the Force, after all.

_Say it._

She inhales sharply, calling on the Force for the impossible jump across the Southern Ravine. The Force accepts and carries her without hesitation, and she lands on one knee.

She would have rather landed on her face in the dirt, though. If only he would trip her up again.

He broke through her shields so much more often lately than she dared to acknowledge. She was still trying to be a true Jedi, then. And only now she’s ready to admit that the thrill of the impending duel made her feel alive like nothing else could.

They never spoke, as if they had sworn never to talk to each other again. Never argue, never reason. He just kept crashing into her space, when she was the readiest to fight, warmed up and armed. Clashing sabers with him through the bond didn’t exactly… satisfy her, but at least it soothed her frustration for a while.

Her muscles twitch from the memory of fighting him. What a stupid habit, these fights. Did he _want_ to get hurt? Did _she_?

Idiots.

Why is she crying again? She slaps the tears away and focuses on the roaring pain in her muscles instead, which brings her back into the moment.

There’s the fallen tree she had hurt BB-8 with – what, was it only yesterday? It’s only a mile left on the course, then. “Last chance to get me, Solo.”

More like, hope against hope. And she’s too proud to slow down her sprint to the finish line, although her ears are ringing from her panting. Maybe she can outrun that sinking feeling.

When she finally cuts off another piece of the last red ribbon, the sun has just risen behind the waterfall cliff. And Rey has to break her chaotic tumble with a quick roll. Now she’s sprawled on her back, and her lungs have to fight way too hard for the plentiful oxygen.

Some of the wounds are bleeding again, too. She forgot to apply the bacta patches. Stupid. She’ll need to take better care of herself again. Just like on Jakku.

What if…?

_Say it._

What if he was in it just for the thrill of the chase? Has he now left her like everybody else always did?

She turns to the side and retches until her throat hurts. But no toxin comes out.

Quick, she needs to flood her mind with something more productive. Just do what she always does to keep busy and refrain from succumbing to foolish impulses, and she’ll be fine.

As she’s hurrying back to her workbench, though – as quickly as possible with wobbly legs and a heart that feels like a molten lump of metal – there are far too many curious eyes on her.

She hasn’t expected so many people on the morning shift, going about their business as if they haven’t returned from the battle of their lives just yesterday. Maybe everyone’s already packing up to relocate the base to Coruscant or the like, to do whatever Leia was planning to do? Rey has never been involved in policy. She’s a… military asset.

Right, she must be quite a sight. Sweaty, bleeding, disheveled. Dark. People may wonder why she’s still training so hard, now the enemy has been defeated. They may wonder if there’s a new crisis.

Or they may just pity her, now the Sith are gone, and they don’t need the Jedi anymore. For everyone knows that Rey of Jakku doesn’t have a home to return to.

Anyway, it’s her duty to slow down, straighten up, smile, and shrug with all the charm left in her as if to say: _Nothing to see here, everything’s fine._

And it _will_ be fine as soon as she’s alone again. This dark cave has always been so suffocating anyway. Ugh. The repairs can wait. She’ll just grab the datapad from her study, and no, she won’t use the Force on all the nosy people she passes by. She _won’t_. Almost like a real Jedi.

*

This vantage point above the waterfalls never ceases to amaze her. All this lush green, spread out over the mountains all the way to the horizon. Far down below, the lake glitters in the sunlight, stirred into perpetual motion by the water rushing down from three sides.

It’s breathtaking in the most literal sense.

Ow, the way up was more exhausting than usual. The steep rock face is always a challenge to climb. To be fair, out of reach for most people. A perfect hideaway. Her favorite place on this planet.

Also, she absolutely failed her plans to drop her fixation on the idiot. For she has checked the bond at least three times on her way here. Just in case.

There’s no excuse, either, that all she really wants to know from the Jedi texts is how to persuade an idiot to reconnect into his own Force bond.

A snort escapes her throat. Maybe she is going insane after all.

She sits down underneath the pine trees, reveling in their fragrance, and searches for the first thing that comes to her mind.

The immortal words of Master Zez-Kai Ell appear on the screen. She can recite them by heart, of course. “To break a bond, your feelings would have to change, or one of you would have to die – but even then, the bond wouldn't go away, it would simply be empty, a wound.”

Like turning away from the Force.

_You’re hard to get rid of._

Rey’s heart clenches with shame. She’s so sorry that she had seriously considered breaking the bond, only a few days ago. She’ll never try that again, and she hopes… hopes that… no, he wouldn’t either.

Would he?

She reaches out into the bond – no wound. No changed feelings.

Much more honesty.

Her head aches. She needs to drink some water. She should probably eat something, too.

She should have studied how to open the bond intentionally, rather than how to smother it.

And no, of course, he wouldn’t try and destroy it. He loves all this Force myth far too much.

What was this newest thing again?

Right. _Dyad_.

She didn’t then, but she’s giggling now. The Supreme Leader of the First Order loves to deliver his proclamations in the most pretentious tone possible, doesn’t he? Maybe pulling his leg will summon him. So, she gives her best impression of Kylo-Ren-in-a-stupid-mask. “We’re a Dyad in the Force. Two that are one.”

They are _one_? “If that’s true, why aren’t you here?”

It’s just another myth. A lie. A metaphor, at best.

How would he even know?

The first clue she finds in the books is a prophecy in the lore of the Sith Eternal. Of course. What did she expect? Of course, their very special Dyad kind of bond belongs to the dark side of the Force.

The citation is so over the top, she can’t stop rolling her eyes. So many big words about a Dyad rising, conquering space _and_ time, _a_ _power like life itself_. Ben would love this promise of ultimate power, wouldn’t he? Invincibility. Whatever that means.

She didn’t feel invincible on Exegol.

However, Palpatine mentioned something similar, didn’t he? Does that mean that this super special power was always destined to restore the ancient reign of the Sith? Seriously?

Ben would have hated that. He would never have bowed to the ancient Sith. No, this can’t be right.

It’s worth a try. “Hey Ben, is it really our duty to serve the Sith Empire?” 

No answer. Perhaps he doesn’t know either. She doesn’t even know if he ever had access to the Jedi texts, or the Sith counterparts, to be fair. Neither Luke Skywalker nor Snoke seemed particularly forthcoming in widening their students’ horizons.

Then again, Ben is the most inquisitive and tenacious person she knows. And his guesses are right most of the time. Annoyingly so. So yeah, the real meaning of the cursed Sith prophecy is probably just another thing he’s keeping from her.

Her heart aches again as if squeezed by a fist of durasteel.

He must know by now how much he’s hurting her by giving her the silent treatment.

Was she naive to think that he wouldn’t hurt her like that again, after what had happened between them yesterday? She hates feeling so wrong about… about what they are to each other. What they were, yesterday. Aren’t they anymore? She still _wants_ to be.

But even if he’s lost interest in her, they are still the fabled Dyad, right? They are going to have to deal with this pesky little concept until they understand what this means. And what they have to do if he wants to break free from her.

The hasty next searches in the Jedi library return no results, though, and the sheer volume of pages is daunting. She could use some help. Could she ask Beaumont? But no, the explanations she would have to invent… she would only become entangled in a web of lies. No, she’ll spare her friends. And no, she won’t call the Jedi Masters to help her study Sith mythology.

There’s only one person she can confide in.

This time, she laces her provocative lie with scholarly fascination. She hopes. “That’s amazing! Ben! Did you know the Dyad can resurrect the dead? I wonder if I translated this correctly.”

He doesn’t fall for it.

And she just keeps working through page after page until her eyes burn and water.

*

With a jolt, Rey awakes from a nightmare of quicksand and suffocation.

It’s Finn, a tentative half-smile on his face. “Hey.”

She sits up, squinting into the setting sun. “Hey, Finn.”

Finn bites his lip as if he has no idea how to continue. Did he notice her swollen eyes? Did he really come all the way up here just to fetch her?

She hopes her smile is bright enough to convey her gratitude. She’s so grateful that he still seems to care about her, after seeing her do so many reprehensible things.

“You missed breakfast,” he says. “And lunch, and now it’s almost past dinner time.”

Yes, she understands that this is not like herself and profound cause for concern.

“We haven’t seen you since…” There’s a lot of worry behind his grin. “We want to hear how you destroyed Sidious, and hey, we kicked some ass too!”

“I bet you did.” She’s relieved to see his grin turn genuine. “Tell me all about it.” She shoves her things into her bag and accepts his offer to pull her up.

“You must be hungry.”

She is, just not in a way she could ever share. She’s hiding so, so much. If only she could tell him. But she shouldn’t burden Finn with her lovesick panic.

“You have no idea,” she says with a cute little face – she hopes – and she gestures for him to lead the way back down, while she takes a moment to fasten her gear and fix her braid.

When she looks up, Finn is still standing right in front of her. She starts.

“Rey.” He holds her gaze, takes a breath. “For a moment there on Exegol, I thought…” He swallows and looks away. “It felt, for a while, as if you… had died.”

What? A rush of adrenalin bursts through her veins, but she stands frozen to the spot. “I’m not dead.” She can’t… She doesn’t…

“I know.” Finn shakes his head with an embarrassed little laugh and holds his hands up in surrender. “I’m so glad I was wrong, and you’re alive.”

She needs to stay calm. She can’t look inside herself right now. Instead, she takes Finn’s hands into her own and squeezes them. “I’m so happy you made it out alive, too.” She really is.

And suddenly she remembers, and everything clicks into place. “You felt the Force. Is that what you were going to tell me, on Pasaana?” Finn is still reluctant. “Come on, Finn, can you do strange things you couldn’t before?” 

Finn makes a face. “Yeah, I think I can, sometimes. But not like you do.”

“That’s amazing! We’ll train together! I’ll show you everything Leia has taught me.” She’ll never be a Jedi, but Finn! Finn is a genuinely good man. He will always choose the light side. He could save the Jedi order from extinction.

She only hopes that they won’t meet on opposing sides of a battle, one day, at the rate she’s slipping into… something else.

Fortunately, Finn is more interested in recounting every detail of his heroic deeds than in trying to read Rey’s mind. It’s easy to focus on his voice while climbing down the cliff. And it’s a great tale, yes, it is. She’ll just ignore the scenes that sound like a stupid suicide mission.

*

Dinner time is almost over when they arrive in the mess hall, and Rey pauses to brace herself.

What a contrast to the roaring victory party of last night. Only about ten tables are still occupied, and most people have already finished eating. Most of them seem to share her fatigue today, and she draws some comfort from this unexpected sense of solidarity.

These people are her comrades. They have risked their lives, too. They may have lost people that they loved. Rey has been so relieved that Finn and Chewie and Rose and Poe had returned safely. Nobody had questioned the many, many tears she shed in their embrace. Tears of joy. Tears of confusion.

Finn lingers much too close to her. “Everybody knows that you defeated the Sith all on your own. Poe told them. We can’t wait to find out how.” He lowers his voice. “Just so you know, we didn’t tell anybody about the Force lightning Ren made you do.” The expression on her face obviously incites him to continue in a mere whisper. “I didn’t tell anyone about what you told me… you know, about your vision.”

“Okay,” she barely manages to reply.

What can she even share? What can she expect them to put up with?

She’s not even sure, herself, what happened when. Some things may have been hallucinations. Everything about Exegol feels hazy and overwhelming.

And the one person who could help make sense of it still refuses to take her call.

Okay, she would prefer that he won’t appear right here and now, of course. On the other hand, this very thought may egg him on, so maybe she should keep thinking about it?

People have started noticing her. Dutifully, she returns their greetings, and shakes hands, and paws, and claws, and accepts all the touches the people are honoring her with. She even tries not to shrug off the onslaught of limbs clapped on her shoulders. They still regard her as their Jedi, after all. She hopes that her smile is as graceful as it should be, and that ignoring the way her stomach cramps will make the pain go away.

Finn finally saves her and pulls her along to the counter. There are still some portions left, even the good ones. She loves soft fish and sweet fruit, so she fills her bowl up to the rim and lets Finn steer her to their customary table at the porthole.

When the flavors unfold on her tongue, she heaves a sigh of pleasure. She’s hungrier than she realized.

Why is Finn grinning at her?

Oh. She’s embarrassing them with her blunt manners again. But eating any slower won’t save her from the inevitable, will it?

Rey doesn’t have a plan, anyway. She’ll just wing it as she goes along.

She considers her friends, who have arrived at their table one by one. Finn, still worried beneath his banter. Poe, bursting with pride at the victory. Rose, full of questions. Chewbacca, playing it cool for Rey’s sake. Oh, Chewie. She’s so grateful for his easy forgiveness. She doesn’t deserve it.

At the adjoining tables, there’s Beaumont, Kaydel, Commander D’Acy, and her wife, C‘ai Threnalli, Maz Kanata, even Lando Calrissian, amongst the new people from Kef Bir, about twenty more humans, and more Mon Calamari, Cyclorrians, Ishi Tibs, Bothans, and Sullustans. They all have shifted their conversations closer to her table.

And of course, C-3PO won’t miss this storytime either. He makes a fuss about clearing away her dishes to another table as soon as she’s swallowed the last bite.

They are all curious about the missing tale. The story of the Jedi who survived unscathed.

And they should know. Everyone should know.

He has a right to be known.

So finally, Rey rises and unclips both lightsabers from her belt. She lays them on the table for everyone to see. A hushed silence falls over the room.

A hundred eyes are scrutinizing her.

She feels a little sick. She shouldn’t have eaten so quickly.

“These lightsabers conquered Darth Sidious. This one –” she picks up Luke’s lightsaber, “belonged to Luke Skywalker. General Organa armed me with it before I left here. And this one –” she lifts Leia’s with her other hand, “was given to me by Master Skywalker. It belonged to Leia Organa.”

She ignites both sabers to show off their colors, and her audience is awed. She twirls them for a few moves, and they gasp.

Poe nods approvingly. Maybe she can do this, after all.

“Once I had retrieved the Wayfinder, I flew to Exegol to confront Darth Sidious. While you were fighting above, I was down below ground, surrounded by the Sith Eternal in their temple. They filled the stands up to the ceiling, chanting for their evil master, celebrating his rise to power once again.”

What a nightmare. She’ll try and find a way to remove this whole scene from her memory. The foul stench. The stifling dust. The eerie droning of the creepy specters.

“Darth Sidious claimed I was his granddaughter, and his plan was to possess my body.”

She pauses, for the instant horror on the faces around her makes her realize that she, herself, hasn’t fully grasped the enormity of this piece of information yet. Many people scowl. Some even take a step back. Even her friends seem spooked.

Finn shakes his head at her. Right, he has warned her.

Well, she probably does look the part with her dark clothing and her tight grip on the lightsabers. She sets them down on the table.

And she’ll spare her comrades the alarm. Keep it to herself. “A fearsome lie to manipulate me and my allies.”

Now, her friends are glaring at the mates who showed their shock most openly. She doesn’t even feel bad about it. Let them all come to their own conclusions.

And then, what then… she’ll better stick with the straight battle story. “He was planning to kill you all. To subjugate the whole of the galaxy again. It was the hardest fight of my life, and I came terribly close to losing.” She would love to forget the icy cold that strangled her. “Much too close.”

How fucking _stupid_. How could she sprint into that evil lair without a shred of a plan on how to win? The hairs on her arms stand up, and her face feels so hot suddenly.

The way she’s standing here before her friends – it feels like she is on trial. Like she’s back in that hell hole. This sudden urge to turn on her heel and leave – she has to fight it down with every ounce of strength she has left.

She consciously unclenches her fists and crosses her arms instead. People are watching her.

If she had submitted herself to Palpatine to save them, would they have understood? What would they think of her now?

She had been a flinch away from giving in. Luckily for all of them, someone strong showed up for her, just in time.

The memory of the flash flood of relief makes her eyes fall closed – oh, this glorious moment when Ben’s Force signature solidified into something both familiar and brand new – he was… like, wholly himself for the first time and at the same time, some kind of… long-missing part of her, clicking into its proper place, where he belonged.

That breathtaking surge of belonging. Of hope.

She can do this. She only needs to blink a few times to stop the tears from falling. She only needs to control her breath as Leia taught her. Her arms slide to her sides. She won’t break down in front of the Resistance. She is supposed to be their Jedi. One more time.

“Then Ben Solo came to help.”

So many blank looks. Don’t they remember him? “Leia Organa’s son. He is a true hero of the Resistance now, just as true as I am.”

“You may know him as Kylo Ren.” Poe has turned around to his helmeted girlfriend, but everyone else has heard him, too. People mutter and glare.

Rey doesn’t know how much longer she can resist the impulse to choke Poe, but luckily, Rose catches her eye and kicks him in the shin, hard. Good.

“Ben Solo saved me when I was failing.” Yes, he did. She doesn’t care what these people think about Kylo Ren. “If he hadn’t come, I wouldn’t be here.” The people are still not listening. “And it wasn’t the first time he saved me. A year ago, when Supreme Leader Snoke ordered him to kill me, he killed Snoke instead.”

The muttering escalates into exclamations and open debate in the back rows.

Only her friends are staring at her in stunned silence. Right. She never told them. Everyone just believed what the First Order claimed: that Snoke was killed by a Resistance assassin. Everyone assumed that must have been Luke.

Well, it wasn’t.

“I failed to convince him to return home, back then. But he turned for good, this time.”

This still doesn’t calm them down. What more can she say?

She lifts her voice. “I also felt General Organa in the Force, just before she left us. I think she finally broke through to her son. She always wanted to bring him home.” Another half-truth, at best. For the greater good, just like Poe taught her over the past year.

The truth is that Rey still doesn’t know what kind of epiphany drove Ben to finally join her. Who knows? Does it even matter?

To her comrades, it does. The Leia explanation works well to disperse some of the tension. Good. She doesn’t mind. She should let them gossip a little longer. She needs a moment to recall what happened, anyway.

Ben had joined her to fight Palpatine, and it had felt so right, so much like her vision when they first touched hands – although _something_ still wasn’t – nevermind.

Then, the explosion of agony that made her pass out, and afterward she couldn’t find him, and all she knew was that she _had_ to. She would find him, and that would be how they’d win.

But she couldn’t locate him. She was failing again. They were all dying in that horrible cloud of Force lightning. The Resistance pilots, Ben, Rey. No, she can’t let that panic wash over her again.

She’ll redact this part of the story. Skip right on to her duty to save the galaxy. She did obey the Jedi who were calling her. She gave herself up as a vessel for their will. The will of the Force.

Rey straightens herself to continue her report, and Poe notices. He pounds his fist on the table with a sharp command of silence. The buzz ceases.

“Darth Sidious was powerful, but so are the Jedi.” She touches the lightsabers with her fingertips. “They spoke to me from the Force. Not just Master Skywalker and General Organa, but all the most powerful masters that ever lived. They joined in the fight through our connection. They fought through me, with these sabers.”

She closes her eyes for a second to push away the memory of the horrific price this fight had demanded of her body, draining her of… whatever.

“They fought for all of us. When we killed Sidious with his own Force lightning, all the Sith died with him. The Sith Eternal are dead and gone. The temple collapsed.”

And this is the end of this story.

But Finn studies her as if he knows that she’s hiding something. Her cheeks flush hot. There’s nothing else to tell, not to all these people who didn’t even know who Ben Solo is.

But everyone else is still watching her, too. Poe even winks at her, prodding her to go on with the way his chin and eyebrows lift.

Oh, she should add something inspirational, like the generals always do. “I didn’t win alone. I needed help, and I got it. Good people fought because you led them. We all won together.”

Yes, this was what they were waiting for. Most people clap, some nod, some even smile at her again.

“Thank you, Rey,” Poe says to the audience. “We’re so lucky to have you.”

Rose squeezes her hand, and Finn hugs her, and all the others either resume their chatting or get up to leave. Rey is glad that this task is finished.

And Rey is happy for her comrades. They all fought valiantly for the right side. They do deserve happiness.

Damn, the nausea is back. And she feels both chilly and hot, so she sinks down on her chair.

“Rey?” Finn scans her body for injuries. “Are you okay?”

Her finger throbs because of the attention. But to be honest, it’s not only a wound or two. It suddenly feels like she’s wrapped in pain, from head to toe.

“What’s wrong with you?”

Rey barely manages to shake her head at Finn. She doesn’t know.

“Rey, I’m just wondering,” Rose says. “Where is Ky-, I mean, Ben Solo, where is he now?”

No. She can’t tell. She won’t. She can’t. Yeah, no.

“Was he killed in action?”

Rey barely hears the words over the mad rush in her ears, and she won’t listen to them, no.

For no. Of course, he wasn’t killed.

For then, he would be dead.

He can’t be _dead_.

Maybe she herself, on the other hand… maybe she was… at some point…

A white-hot rush of panic strangles her lungs and makes her jump to her feet. The chair hits the floor with a sharp thud.

“Rey?”

No, she can’t tell them.

_I think I died, and he brought me back to life. I awoke in his arms, and we kissed, and he left me alone a second later. I’m waiting for him to appear in our Force bond. Big news! We’re a Dyad in the Force! Bound together, forever! And I’m so in love I can’t breathe!_

He just can’t be dead and gone. Leaving her alone in the galaxy again.

No, this can’t be right. No.

Something touches her arm, and a strange sound registers in her ringing ears – a rattling? Damn, the air is crackling with energy, are they under attack –

No, it’s only – but why – how did all these dishes come to levitate underneath the ceiling? If they spin just a little faster, they’re going to splash the leftovers all over the place.

Oh no.

Again?

She can’t stop gaping at this mess, and like everyone else, she disapproves of these bad manners on display, very much. No resources should ever be wasted. She knows that. She’s a survivor, after all.

And she’ll never fall to the dark side. Especially now she knows her ancestry.

And yet. She craves to find out how it would _feel_ if she shattered the durable tableware into a thousand pieces on the floor. Maybe the satisfaction could rival the pleasure of a good, hard fight against a worthy adversary.

Maybe the Skywalker lightsabers would cooperate in smashing some furnishings. The sabers quiver under her gaze as if trying to crawl away from her. But she knows them. They would have killed their own blood, wouldn’t they?

“Rey,” someone says close to her. The voice sounds small and anxious, as if afraid of her.

Rey has become a danger to herself and everyone around.

She must set all the objects down and clip the sabers to her belt with the air of utmost calm and caution, and she gives her best to do so.

Then she runs.

*

Rey has always been a fast runner, and she knows the quickest way through the tunnels that lead to the other side of the lake.

She has to get out, she needs to wake from this nightmare, she needs to –

Ow! Damn it!

Something has bounced her back so hard that she crashed painfully on her butt and elbows.

Whoever this is, they must have access to the Force – before she’s even back on her feet, one of her lightsabers is crackling in a defensive stance –

“Easy, Jedi.” There’s no reproach in the soft voice.

And when she meets her eyes, Maz Kanata’s gaze is full of compassion.

This is a different kind of danger. Rey has taken such great care not to be alone with Maz during the past year. Since Maz could make Rey spill all her secrets, and Rey doesn’t want to share.

Then again, Maz is the only person on Ajan Kloss who may have a solution to the riddle Rey can’t solve.

So, she puts the saber away with an apologetic nod. “You were right.” She’s still breathing too hard. “I did find the belonging that I sought.” _Say it._ “It lasted for about two minutes.”

“Dear child.” Maz folds up her glasses exactly as she did in her castle a lifetime ago. Then she cradles Rey’s hands in her own. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

Rey doesn’t _want_ to, but these ancient eyes seem to know it all already, anyway. She sinks down on her knees. “Ben came back for me.” Maz knows who she’s talking about. “And he brought me back from… I don’t know for sure, but I think… I think…”

Yes. It’s true. “I was _dead_.”

Maz’s comforting squeeze pushes Rey to remember. That void of pure nothingness… she kind of hoped it was just a hallucination. She doesn’t think this was – no, she’s sure: Rey was not allowed into the Force.

But she can’t dwell on this horrible thought, as this isn’t even the worst of it.

“When he brought me back to life…” Her voice breaks, so she stops for a deep breath. “I’m so scared, Maz. Did he somehow barter his own… I don’t know where he is. He vanished into thin air.” She swallows, but the lump won’t go away. “I can’t even reach him in the Force anymore.”

What if he is in the same place she was?

No. No, he _vanished_ like Leia did. If he were dead, he would be one with the Force for sure. And then, he would have appeared as a Force ghost. Of course, he would have.

He wouldn’t leave her hanging, alone, in despair, like this.

Would he?

No. No, he would not betray her like that, just like she wouldn’t.

Not after kissing and looking at her like that, just yesterday. Right?

“Kylo Ren turned.” Rey has never heard so much awe in Maz’s voice before. “Leia’s lost son came home. She did reach him.”

Rey senses that Maz is scrutinizing her, although Maz’s face has become blurred in a haze. “You’re in love with him.”

Now that’s obvious. “We’re a Dyad in the Force.”

Did she just hear Maz gasp?

“Even so, I don’t know if he… I mean, I felt Luke die, and Leia. But Ben… he’s not…” She forces herself to focus on Maz. “He’s not one with the Force, is he?”

“Is he, Rey? Nobody here knows but you,” Maz says gently. “I can only share the experience of a thousand years, here in the realm of the living. You are the one who is part of a Dyad, across space and time.”

Right. She remembers. If he had died, the bond would be a _wound_.

And it isn’t. The bond still feels like it always does, dormant.

Some of the pain in her chest eases off. And suddenly, there’s room for some fresh anger. For there is something wrong with the Force, for sure.

“Why did the Force do this to us? Both Ben and I were ready to sacrifice our lives to defeat Palpatine. What more could we have given?” She withdraws her hands and hugs herself. “I still don’t understand my place in all of this.”

“Brave Rey.” Maz contemplates her some more. “You have so much light in you. Look inside yourself to find the seed of life, too.” She places her hands on Rey’s shoulders. “It’s not natural for a Dyad to separate. The halves need to unite, lest they veer into chaos.”

What does that even mean? Rey needs some more tangible advice. So desperately. “I’ve called for him in our Force bond all day long. Why doesn’t he answer?”

“Your journey is not finished, Rey. You won’t find peace without passion.” Rey’s lack of understanding seems to be written all over her face, for Maz relents with a small smile. “Ben Solo might linger in a place he’s not free to leave as he wishes.”

What? Where? Why? She’ll go save him –

“Rey.” Maz has grasped Rey’s wrist to hold her back. “Not necessarily a bad place. He might need some time to understand the ways of the Force. Perhaps you both do.”

So that means – “I have to find him.” The new resolve clears away the rest of the pain. “And I will.”

Maz agrees with a nod. “The Force will guide you.”

Rey is not so sure about that.

On her way back, admittedly, the Force cooperates just fine in cloaking herself, so no one sees her passing by.

And although she’s not on best terms with the Force at the moment, it grants her to reach into Poe’s mind. He’ll believe that she never returned while he was guarding the door to her quarters.

He will understand that they are better off without her. As long as Ben’s disappearance remains unexplained, it won’t make sense for her to stay here, restless, a liability to her friends. Today’s events have proven it for everyone to see: Rey would act selfishly anyway.

She has done her duty – she has _died_ doing so – and now she’ll take her issues with the Force and tackle them somewhere else.

*

No, Rey won’t take the Falcon. This ship isn’t hers. She would never steal it from Chewie, and she hopes that Finn knows this, too.

He’s guarding the Falcon all the same. Her heart aches to see him so desperate to stop her from leaving. She doesn’t deserve his friendship, and she can only hope that he’ll be willing to forgive her someday.

Luckily for her, Finn didn’t see her land Luke’s X-Wing at the west end, amongst all these unidentified ships from all over the galaxy. This rusty old thing belongs to her now, and the preflight check shows all clear, even after Exegol.

It’s a miracle. She’d better not question it too much and just finish fueling –

Oh no, someone’s coming through the underbrush – aiming straight for her – Rey calls her staff –

But it turns out okay.

More than okay. She’s glad that she can say goodbye to at least one of her friends.

“BB-8! Are you all right?” Rey falls to her knees in front of the droid to check his plating for… what she now realizes… could well be the last time.

“I have to find Ben Solo,” she answers his question.

BB-8 agrees. Looking for lost Skywalkers is kind of their thing.

Rey bursts out laughing. “You don’t have a map that leads to him, do you?”

The droid is sorry for disappointing her but offers another idea. 

“Yes, I’ve packed them all. And the translations.” She pats her bag. The Jedi texts on the datapad, of course, she took them along. Moreover, her tools, a few bacta patches, a change of clothes, some credits and provisions, the two Skywalker lightsabers. And her staff. And in another bag, Ben’s clothes. All of those, in case he needs them. Hopefully, BB-8 won’t notice her blush.

BB-8 rolls even closer and leans his head on her arm, looking up at her with the most puppy-like look a photoreceptor has ever given. Everything will work out fine because he’s going to help her.

Damn. “I’m sorry, BB-8. I need to go alone.” Is it possible to break a droid’s heart? “Please take care of them for me.”

When BB-8 hangs his head and rolls away, Rey’s vision blurs again.

But then the droid swivels around and tips her a cocky salute. Rey can’t help but flash a grin and perform the parody of a curtsy right back at him.

And as soon as he’s out of sight, she closes her eyes to reach out to the Force. So many birds and zymods and a Cyclorrian swarm close by… all these Force signatures are floating bright and charged around her, nestled in the same web of buzzing energy, and she’s drawing on their power, and she reaches inside herself too, into the bond, into the memory of recognizing him, touching him, and she stretches as far as she can – again –

 _please, come back to me_ –

and her longing keeps feeding into the Force around her, connecting her to all the living things – but Ben… Ben… there’s still no trace of Ben. As if he was erased from the galaxy.

No, she _knows_ this can’t be true. The Force may be cruel sometimes, but it isn’t stupid. Why create a Dyad only to separate the parts? Makes no sense. Maz is right, there must be a reason for this torture… another task to accomplish, another sacrifice to make.

Rey would comply in a heartbeat if only the Force issued its commands in a way that she could understand.

In the meantime, she’ll do what her own heart tells her to.

She’s going to get him back or die trying.


	2. Descent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much, dear readers, for leaving kudos on chapter 1 and/or subscribing in some way! This means a lot to me.

What – why – every alarm signal has burst into a frenzy of flashes and beeps –

Her heart is already racing from the shock, but her mind’s lagging behind.

Maybe she’s stuck in a nightmare, dreaming about the legendary battles this veteran X-Wing withstood.

This massive First Order dreadnought looks downright frightening, and it’s blocking her path right in front of her exit point at Corellia. Wait – is it _blockading_ the whole of the crossing?

Fuck, these frantic swarms of TIE fighters always give her the shivers, hold on, what are they –

no!

They can’t be _firing!_

Don’t they know the war is over?

Another shot misses her by inches, and she swerves into a barrel roll on instinct.

The visor shows a dozen TIEs, all hellbent on her tail, for whatever infernal reason.

Rey is so tired of fighting, and she won’t be able to take down all of them anyway, so she _sprints_.

Up, fast dodge to the left, down in a nosedive. She barely escapes a dozen attacks.

Another steep climb, another swerve at the last second, and damn, her best chance is to jump right back to Brentaal.

The last thing she sees of this surreal scene is the fiery explosion singeing her wings. The hyperlane sucks her in just in time.

She’s bathed in sweat, and her heart is pounding as if she’s never fought before. 

This wasn’t what she meant by _die trying_.

The one thing that is certain about her mission – the _only_ thing: It depends on her alone. She needs to up her game. Stay alert at all times. Especially now that the Force seems to have suspended her gift to anticipate danger. She’ll have to rely on her training and hope that the Force doesn’t revoke those skills as well.

Well, if the Force has a better plan of what to do, it should just let her know.

Two days ago, Rey would have returned to the Resistance immediately, to help them deal with this new threat. Maybe it’s so much worse than just some renegade dreadnought. Perhaps it’s still war.

But _two days ago_ feels like a lifetime, and Rey just can’t be a good girl anymore. No, she’s on a selfish trip she’s going to continue. And when she transmits the coordinates of the rogue fighters to the Resistance HQ, she doesn’t even add her ID to the comm.

She sets the course for the long detour along the Hydian Way instead.

*****

The storm is still raging around the giant wreckage, just like she remembers.

It’s so much darker now because it’s past midnight, and the galaxy doesn’t care to illuminate this place with as many stars as the lake on Ajan Kloss.

The last time she came here, she was wary of the darkness that permeates this place even at noon. Not wary enough, as it was. But she’d better not dwell on the past.

_Let the past die._

This time, the darkness resonates with her determination.

He still doesn’t answer her calls in the Force. She hasn’t found a physical trace of him either, on her way down from the spot where she stole his TIE.

This isn’t what she came here for. But of course, she’ll collect anything that belonged to him. He may have left a few things here. Things she didn’t find when she searched the ancient Imperial TIE he had flown to Exegol. Old habits. And a foolish hope that he had withdrawn to that hideaway. But there wasn’t anything else but his coat. No gloves, no mask, no weapon.

She still can’t believe that the idiot turned up to fight the Sith Eternal without his lightsaber. One moment she thinks she knows him, and the next, he’s the biggest mystery she’s ever tried to unravel.

Well, if she stumbles across his belongings on her way to the chamber of artifacts, she’ll take them all, too. Then, she’ll retreat to Ahch-To to draw some inspiration from her freshly scavenged collection of Sith artifacts, on which one to use or where to go.

Solid plan, right?

Now here’s something solid, her trusty quarterstaff. She calls it, and it still nestles into her grip exactly like it did before the upgrade with the phrik she looted from the Supremacy. Its lightsaber resistance is going to meet its ultimate test soon. Yesterday, Rey didn’t stand a chance with her single blade against the demon’s saberstaff. Hopefully, her decade of practice with her staff will buy her enough time to accomplish her raid.

“Scavenger. You came back.”

Rey is startled into a laugh. Speak of the devil. At the same time, the way the whisper echoes around her head gives her a chill. She looks around, but she can’t see the demon yet.

“Tell me, Rey. Have you accepted what you are?”

Great. “Don’t you know? I killed your big boss. I’m all the Jedi now.”

“That’s not who you are.”

Maybe she’ll have to waste some time to try and shut this demon up for good. Even though this apparition probably exists beyond the mortal plane.

“Why did I hope you had anything useful to say?” Rey is descending to the chamber as if drawn to it on a string. She’s been here before, just yesterday – seriously? She can’t remember this unstable ventilation duct at all. It feels as if half her memory was wiped.

Did she _forget_ the reason he’s not answering her?

The demon is quiet. Too quiet.

For what it’s worth. “Hey there, Sith ghost. Any gossip to share? Like, where did your cronies trap him? What treasure of darkness do I have to use to get there?”

Was that a snort, or did she imagine it?

The roar of the waves and the storm is muted here, and her own breathing seems too loud beneath the transparisteel of the former command center. Yes, these looming shadows are still scary, but not as scary as –

the diamond shape of the fire door snaps open.

Okay then. “No need to play hide and seek,” Rey announces in as cheery a voice as she can manage, stepping into the chamber with her staff gripped ready for the duel.

This time, the door stays open as if holding its breath in the darkness.

On the next inhale, the room is flooded with the flickering red light of the demon’s saberstaff. Rey’s dreadful mirror image doesn’t attack, though. Instead, she offers Rey a solemn nod of welcome. Rey doesn’t know what to make of it.

Along the walls, about a dozen objects are hovering in between strange pillars, suspended in the air just like the Wayfinder was. Rey does notice that most of them emit eerie pulses of light, as if they were breathing, but she’s too distracted by the first object to investigate further.

The cracks in Kylo’s mask are bright red, glowing as if hot. And Rey doesn’t want his stupid mask, hell no. But she’ll take the cursed thing, just to annoy her phantom image.

Before she can grasp it, however, the demon’s blade cracks down across the pillars closest to Rey, barely missing her fingers.

Rey reciprocates with a quick jab, but the phantom evades with an elegant sidestep. In the next heartbeat, their staffs collide athwart, the saber blade crackling and hissing against the phrik.

This saberstaff certainly seems corporeal. Lethal.

And they’re locked in a standstill, their strength and weapons matched evenly. Another impasse. Rey _hates_ impasses. “Where is he? Tell me!”

“Always so rash, little Rey.” The demon has the gall to smirk. “Full of rage but no idea how to wield it to your advantage.”

That ghoul is probably sucking strength from Rey’s anger right now. Rey should calm down, but that’s a lot to ask while her muscles are trembling from the strain of intense counterpressure. “Good enough to dispose of a few miscreants like you.” Back on Jakku.

The demon is still grinning. “And you didn’t know why. You still don’t know much more, do you? You don’t even know where you are.”

She flips the saberstaff closed and shoves Rey back with the Force at the same time. Then, she points out their surroundings with her red blades in the most infuriatingly arrogant way possible.

Rey struggles to keep her balance, lashing out, but it’s no use, she’s getting backed out of the chamber by the powerful swipes of the full double-bladed saberstaff, back into the ruined command center.

At least she’ll have more room to maneuver in the hall.

“Take a good look,” the demon says with an arrogant smile. “This is the place where the Skywalkers find redemption, and the Palpatines fall.”

What?

“Kylo Ren knew it, Miss Palpatine.” The phantom pretends to bow and spins into a forceful sideswipe at Rey’s sword arm that Rey deflects only at the very last moment.

Fuck that name. Fuck both these names!

Rey swirls her staff from her side to her front, clashing against the fiery blades, spinning, and repeating, as the demon meets her blow for blow. Oh, Rey wills her opponent to be as corporeal as her weapon. She needs to shut her up.

“Kylo Ren is gone,” Rey screams into her next attack from overhead, pure fury fueling her muscles, crashing downwards into the parry, sparks flying all around.

“There it is, the hubris of a Jedi,” the demon responds with a vicious low blow. Rey’s staff bounces back off the ground with the impetus of her block.

“Kylo Ren is not gone,” the demon continues, circling Rey, her saberstaff twirling by her side. “Why do you hate him so?”

Because he…

“He’s too much like you, and you can’t bear it.”

Rey growls. “Not Kylo. Ben is. His real self.”

“Your denial is embarrassing,” the demon snarls.

Rey can’t even come up with a retort. Instead, she’s forced to go all out against the ferocious attacks. She parries, and dodges, and spins, barely keeping up with her foe’s momentum. She tries a few of her best tricks, but all her feints fail. The abyss behind her keeps getting closer.

Damn it. She jumps down to the lower level in a controlled backflip rather than be shoved.

She lands on sore legs and retreats to what looks like… maybe a former supply bridge across another chasm, as far as she can make out in the twilight.

A moment later, her adversary arrives. She’s not even breathing hard and takes up a smart opening stance, saberstaff held across her chest with a reverse grip.

“I adore Kylo Ren,” the copy of Rey’s mouth proclaims above the bright red glow. “His passion. His rightful anger. His decision not to bend but to dominate. Don’t you see how hot he is?”

Yes, she does. “Not as hot as Ben Solo.”

Rey is still panting. Not good. She retreats further, onto the bridge. Would the Force warn her if the structure weren’t solid enough to support her weight? She can’t do anything but hope so.

Just then, the phantom plunges them into darkness by extinguishing her blades. “And who was it in all your… how did you call it? _Visions?_ ” A derisive cackle echoes across the pit. “Search your feelings. You may not want the throne. But you do desire to sit on Kylo’s lap.”

Oh no. Rey squinches her eyes shut, although it’s risky while walking backward on a bridge that barely exists. She swallows, and her mouth feels way too dry suddenly.

 _Say it_.

No, she must not think of – no. She will blame the flush on her face on the exertion.

The demon has ignited her blades again, and there’s a fatal leer on her face. She’s advancing like a triumphant snake, and, what – no –

what happened to Rey’s shield – how –

Rey must push her _out_ before she gets to these – no –

 _muscles reveling in raw aggression_ – no –

 _too many scars on such intoxicating skin_ – no, no more –

 _lush lips, addicting her to bliss she’s had no idea even_ – no, get out, _get out_ –

 _too consuming to bear, no way out but to squirm and tense until she woke_ – damn it –

_panting. Boneless._

The demon is grinning in victory, and Rey is sweating. Her limbs feel numb, but she must keep moving.

Her darkest secret. Darker than all the times he breached her shields in the daylight. When she at least put up a fight to resist him.

She worked so hard to hide the Resistance’s position from him, after Crait. She did everything she could to keep the Force bond closed. People often wondered why she kept training and studying and working every day, all day, until she collapsed into bed. Why she avoided any trip with plenty of free time. Why she wouldn’t relax with them.

They wouldn’t have understood how hard it was to resist him. Sometimes, it seemed as if she was fighting the Force itself.

And his routine interruptions of her training, they were nothing – nothing _–_ compared to what happened in these shameful dreams.

Dreams so detailed and tangible… these inexplicable traces on her skin, all this litter on the floor… she wasn’t entirely sure if they were just… where did they come from? Was her heart capable of coming up with all that darkness on its own? Were they sent to her, to him, to both?

She hated how these unspeakable dreams made her feel, in the daylight, among her friends. In front of Leia, and even in front of the Skywalker lightsaber. Back when she was still trying to be a good girl.

Not a traitor. Not lusting after the prettiest pair of eyes. Their most dangerous mortal enemy.

The creature smirks as if she’s still privy to her every thought. “Don’t be ashamed, Rey. You’re a woman now. Everyone has carnal needs.”

Words fail Rey again, and she has crossed the bridge by now, anyway. So, she just hisses in the general direction of the red glimmer and hurries into the adjacent corridor.

The floor slopes down, cluttered with torn wires, metal scraps, and pieces of debris – tripping hazards she senses with the Force rather than her eyes. The icy draft from below rumples her braid, and she grips her staff harder.

Not the best place to turn this fight around, but she needs to get back to the chamber. As soon as the room seems wide enough to use her staff, she stops to face her haunter again.

“You risked the galaxy because of your delusion,” the demon says from the far end of the corridor, prowling closer. “He offered you an alliance against your common enemy. This was your best chance to defeat the Sith. You betrayed your cause. You rejected his offer because you couldn’t face up to your lust for him. _Selfish_.”

Of course, Rey couldn’t. But she won’t admit it aloud. She just growls and whirls her staff.

The phantom mimics her with her saberstaff. “He told you your place in this story. You were _asking_ for it. You _knew_ he was right. But you ran because you were afraid you wouldn’t arrive on Exegol with your precious virtue intact.”

Rey’s heart clenches with the acknowledgment she won’t show, no matter how long the demon wants to keep going on about it.

This struggle belongs to the past anyway. She had resisted the desire for Kylo Ren, supreme leader of vexation – more or less – at least she understood her obligation not to _fraternize_ with him – but now after he has shown himself? 

She took what she wanted from Ben right away. And she would have given him so much more. Anything really.

If this destroys her honor, she’ll live without it. It’s not the only reason she’ll never be a Jedi.

Rey straightens into a high guard position, for she needs to vent her frustration.

The demon rushes to accept the challenge, and Rey gets to perform every spin and roll she can think of, all along the twilit corridor. She screams and growls and tries every angle imaginable, but the phantom keeps evading every blow with an infuriating sneer on her face. It’s as tiring and futile as trying to best her shadow.

“Just admit it, Rey,” the phantom taunts finally. “You have the hots for Kylo Ren.”

If only Rey could talk back, but her staff has gotten caught on some debris hanging from the ceiling. Damn, she’s trapped in a corner beneath a giant pipe and the back of a staircase. Time for a change in tactics, quick.

She yanks her empty hand up to freeze the hostile saberstaff in the middle of its dangerous strike. “He’s my bond-mate. I don’t care about his name.”

Oh. This sounded surprisingly true. More truthful than she was aware of. She hadn’t cared what name he claimed in these dreams. Not for a single moment.

He was always Ben, even when he was acting in the worst of ways, wasn’t he? He’s only one man.

And more. A part of _her_.

Rey’s hand sinks down, and her stomach drops. Did he leave her because he thought she only wanted a part of him?

“Then stop trying to erase him,” the demon says. “Passion, anger, ambition – they burn hot inside both of you.”

Okay. Maybe there is some truth to that, too.

Instead of conceding the point, however, she huffs and escapes the trap by diving into a multiple somersault, swiping at the phantom’s legs while she’s still rolling.

The phantom just steps to the side with an elegant swoosh of her robes, and her quick stab would have impaled Rey if the floor weren’t sloping so much, accelerating Rey’s tumble.

This was a close call. Rey springs to her feet again, staff at the ready.

“You still think you’re better than Kylo Ren, don’t you?”

Not better than Ben, no –

“Let’s look at your recent behavior, Miss Palpatine.” The red light points at Rey but doesn’t stab again. “Would a true Jedi keep her friends in the dark about such serious risk to their safety? Would she push them away with the Force whenever she felt like it? Would she always attack first, talk never?”

Tears prick her eyes, but Rey doesn’t have time for that, for she must defend against a flurry of blows that hack and jab dangerously close to her skin.

“Selfish,” the phantom spits, after retreating.

And Rey can’t help but agree.

Now they’re circling around each other.

“Aren’t the Jedi and their friends supposed to be the good guys? But you never spared a thought about all the people you killed, did you? Every time you cut your way through security, every time you shot down starships, every time you blew up entire bases – you killed legions of stormtroopers that, you know, were kidnapped and brainwashed as _children_.”

Another storm of strokes hails down on Rey, and Rey barely manages to parry the whirling saberstaff. Every move feels as exhausting as if a block of durasteel was tied around Rey’s ankles. It’s a wonder Rey isn’t bleeding yet.

Rey is a killer. She knows that.

She has killed more than her share of living things, even back on Jakku. All that feral violence still comes so easily to her, much easier than the Force mind tricks she should use instead.

And that terrifying lightning – how? Did that really happen?

She is _cursed_.

“Selfish,” the phantom hisses again, a few feet away. She’s in control of this duel. And she is so right it’s sickening.

Maybe Rey should just turn and run.

The demon blocks her way. “I’m not finished with you, Rey of Jakku. Let’s talk about your crowning achievement of dishonorable moves.”

Oh, Rey has a bad feeling about this.

“You know what I mean.” The demon nods with satisfaction. “Of course, you do. Your grandfather would be proud of you. Attacking your bond-mate – while he was distracted by his mother’s passing? With his own weapon, right through his guts?” She pauses to enjoy Rey’s tears. “No wonder Kylo’s hiding from you.”

If Rey could, she would hide from herself, too.

For that is what happened, there’s no way around it. It’s true.

She stabbed that saber into his living body, and all that massive muscle and bone offered zero resistance to the burning light. Just the sickening smell of cauterized flesh.

It’s inconceivable.

She couldn’t… she can’t…

Maybe that’s why she came here, in the first place? To try and make sense of it?

She can’t name what they were even fighting about.

But Rey does remember the surge of panic after he had finally gotten angry too. He had brought her to her knees in no time. For a heart-stopping second, her life was at his mercy. And however he would have chosen to punish her, she would have deserved it.

They both knew it.

“You were so scared, fair maiden,” the phantom says. “He overpowered you. Maybe he would claim his prize and take you. Right there in the storm.” She raises her eyebrows with a lewd smirk. “Admit it, you wanted him to.”

No. Okay, a few of their fights may have been… thrilling indeed, but this fight yesterday? She was drowning in darkness, and they had come to a deadlock.

Yet, she _knows_ he wouldn’t have forced himself on her. He won’t even mar her skin with a scar like she did.

More likely, he would have taken the opportunity to rub even more salt into the wounds he caused to her heart. Humiliating her once again. Proving once again that the one man that she craved so much, beyond all sense and reason, was the one man she could never have.

This was what they were fighting about. Always the same, really.

“He kept refusing me what I wanted,” Rey formulates aloud as if her mirror image could understand what Rey herself doesn’t fully grasp yet. “He kept teasing me instead… with things I didn’t want.” So annoying! “I wanted to punish him.”

“As if you had any right to, Jedi.” The phantom floats upwards to take place on a molten piece of machinery as if it were a throne.

And she is right. Pure vengefulness was driving Rey. Even after losing the fight – even after being _spared –_ Rey jumped at her chance to get back at him, for once. 

Rey’s stomach hurts, and bile rises in her throat. What a sick, irredeemable killer she is.

“How many times have you tried to kill him by now?”

Rey considers.

She really considers.

In the forest of Takodana. On Starkiller base. On Ahch-To when the bond connected for the first time.

Maybe she would have fought him on the Supremacy if the lightsaber hadn’t broken like her heart. She did abandon him on the doomed wreck.

And after… she’s lost count of the times they sparred on Ajan Kloss until even the bond tired of it. But no, they weren’t planning to kill each other then, were they? She wasn’t. She was… just angry. Just like on Kijimi. That idiot and his maddening speeches!

But when he tried to run her over on Pasaana, she knew full well that her counterattack would result in a fiery crash, and she did it anyway. And his outrageous provocation right here…

That’s a lot. That’s a fucking huge risk to take.

She should have stopped that violence the moment that she knew –

Why – why didn’t she?

Oh.

He seemed _invincible_ , that’s why. It was frightening in the beginning. Later, annoying. At some point, she must have accepted as a given that he would never lose to her. Without admitting it to herself.

And then a lethal weapon proved that despite all his power, he was still only human.

Her fingers flex around her staff. Maybe she should get rid of all the sabers. And the blasters too.

“It’s so poetic,” the phantom declares from her perch above her, “that it was him who fulfilled your dearest wish… to see him dead.”

What? No –

“He spared your life and dropped his saber into your hand.” The demon flashes her teeth at Rey. “And when you couldn’t follow it through, he did it himself. He killed himself for you.”

With that, the saberstaff comes crashing down on Rey from all directions again, and another burst of rage fuels Rey’s parries for a few seconds. “He’s not dead!”

Then, understanding cuts into her like a saber to the gut.

“Yes. You did not deserve his sacrifice.”

The blades hiss into her staff again, and this time, Rey’s fingers lose their grip. The quarterstaff crashes onto the ramp and slides away until the phantom touches down on top of it. Locking eyes with Rey.

Rey can’t move. Can’t breathe.

The next shove hits Rey with so much force that only a wall stops her involuntary trajectory. Her vision blurs from the impact.

She’s on her back, and crackling heat hovers close to her throat.

It’s okay. She’s okay.

She only hopes that the Force will accept her, this time. And lets her apologize to Ben.

“Do you see it now, Rey? Who you are?” The heat vanishes. “Look at me.”

What the hell is wrong with these dark siders, making her ears bleed with their bullshit rather than dealing the death blow already?

Rey glares through her tears, but of course, the demon just keeps staring back, unfazed. “I’m you.”

The demon agrees with a nod, and a gust of wind bulges her cloak into a ridiculous sail of darkness.

“A monster,” Rey adds with as much venom as she can manage.

The heat is back at her throat. “Not good enough.”

Rey tries to smirk. About time this creature showed some sign of frustration, too.

The blade inches closer. “You can’t rise when you’re stuck in denial about who you are.”

Rey doesn’t understand, and the demon takes the time to heave a dramatic sigh. “You’re as ruthless a warrior as he is! One of the most powerful killers the galaxy has ever seen! A scion of darkness! It’s in your blood, Rey.”

The heat disappears, and Rey takes a deep breath. The demon is not wrong, is she?

“You command your grandfather’s powers.” The hungry look on the demon’s face doesn’t bode well. “I truly admired your performance right in front of the Bestoon _._ You’re as cold-blooded as the Emperor himself.”

What? The blood is rushing in Rey’s ears. Not cold at all.

The demon purses her lips. “What do you think, Empress? Does Kylo know what you did to the Bestoon’s sister ship when your parents ditched you?”

Hot panic erupts into a blood-curling scream. “Shut up!”

A wave of rage floods Rey with enough momentum to kip up to her feet and snatch her staff back in the same motion. She welcomes the dark pounding in her head as it sets a compulsive rhythm for her quickest swipes and kicks. She hopes the demon has blood to show.

But –

Rey’s staff is gone again, and she’s frozen in place with her arm still raised above her head, for the demon has trapped her from behind, the two blades almost grazing Rey’s throat and forearm.

“Stop.” The demon’s words feel icy on Rey’s neck. “You had good reasons for seeking revenge.”

Rey’s going to be sick. Her face feels wet. She’s trembling, and not only from the strain of the awkward position. “I didn’t kill my parents,” she whispers.

“You have to face your darkness to be able to wield it. Delusions will only cripple your power.” The demon switches to Rey’s other ear. “Your parents were weak. They needed the drinking money.”

No, no, Rey knows that her mother had called her _my love_ and hugged her and told her to be brave. Her father had promised that she’ll be safe. They weren’t weak. She knows because Kylo urged her to remember.

“They left because they were afraid of you.” The demon steps away with a twirl of her saberstaff that cuts off a few loose strands of Rey’s hair.

“No!” Rey puts her hands over her ears to block out that devilish voice. “Liar!”

“You have always been a killer, just like grandpa. Face your memories, warrior queen.”

Rey’s despair spills out into a feral roar, but it’s not enough. The raw energy in the air pokes at Rey’s guts, tugs at her arms, what’s this crackling –

A flash of lightning races into the shadow’s chest, hurling her down the corridor, into darkness, and Rey collapses to the ground.

No, please –

_*_

_The girl screams for them to come back. She screams as loud as she can._

_The scary Crolute tightens his grip on her arm, and it hurts._

_Everything hurts._

_She’s so scared, and she’s reaching out to mom and dad with her free hand, with everything she has, on toward the ship she can sense them on._

_The girl doesn’t understand. Why did they leave without her?_

_The bully has let go of her, so she extends both her hands toward the ship._

_The ship sinks lower, lower, a bit lower still. Its engines are firing very brightly._

_The girl is so afraid they’ll leave her here. How could they forget to take her? How could they?_

_A flash of light momentarily blinds her through her tears._

_When she can see again, the ship is gone. Where did it go?_

_Her hands hurt. Smoke is rising from them after the tiny flashes of light have fizzled out._

_The man has retreated from her, staring. He’s afraid now, too._

_Everything hurts._

_The ship must have landed somewhere, in the distance._

_She just needs to wait for them to come back._

_*_

Rey has been hurt before, and she’s always been brave about it, right up to yesterday, right?

But this amount of pain – no. This is too much.

She can’t even cry anymore.

Rey is the murderer of both her father and her mother. And oh, her grandfather, too.

Take that, Ben. He always knew the dark side was in her nature. And she as good as killed him for knowing it, for knowing her better than she did.

Rey is a castoff in the Force.

The whole of the Jedi training was a delusion. And deep down, she has always known. This is her essence. This is why everyone keeps leaving her. This is why the mirror in the cave wouldn’t show her parents. This is why the Jedi had to come and help.

“Stop lying to yourself, Rey.” The phantom is back.

Awesome. Rey rolls over to look up at the shadow. “This is why the Force rejected me when I died.”

It’s time to end this charade. Rey points at the saberstaff and invites it to sink into her heart, or throat, whatever way of execution her adversary prefers.

The shadow gapes at her, then shakes her head. “You’re a warrior. You’ll never give up on a mission.”

“This mission was… rash and selfish. Like I am,” Rey admits to the darkness of the Death Star. “I think… I see why he’s holding back. What did I even want? The way I treated him… he has every right to hide for as long as he wishes.”

But there’s no reply… and no finishing blow either.

And when Rey finally looks up at her mirror image again, it’s bizarre how much the shadow’s expression has softened… as if they never fought at all? As if… the phantom has… conceded to Rey?

Yeah. Of course, the Force will deny her a quick death. Obviously, she is expected to suffer this torture until her heart disintegrates.

It turns out she’s still able to sob, after all.

*

“Scavenger.”

Everything hurts. That’s all Rey knows.

Where is she? Why is she lying on the icy floor? Why is she lying so close to this precipice, high above a heavy sea?

Damn.

She must have fallen asleep. Passed out. Doesn’t matter.

The shadow prods her with the Force, and Rey sits up obediently, squinting at the brilliant morning light with her swollen, aching eyes.

She feels so sick to her stomach. She’ll never be hungry again.

“Why do you ignore the treasure he left here?” Rey’s counter-image eyes her as if doubting her sanity. “I would have scavenged it if I could.”

Rey’s heart leaps into her throat.

The shadow locks eyes with Rey, then steps out over the edge, hovering in the air for a moment, and now she’s backflipping down, down, down… landing on a jagged piece of grating that protrudes from the wreckage like a pier. She’s tiny now, down below. This is a fall only a non-corporeal being can hope to survive.

And Rey struggles to rise, shouldering her staff. Her descent takes much longer – scaling down ventilation pipes, sprinting through halls, free-running over debris. But she hurries. She can’t help it.

The phantom is waiting for her on the pier, her cape fluttering in the storm like wings. Rey’s panting is drowned out by the endless row of the wind and the water around them. The wild sea spray drenches her to the skin.

“A warrior’s most prized possession,” the shadow sighs.

Rey closes her eyes and reaches out to the Force.

Yes, there it is. It’s floating in the ocean, as if refusing to sink to the ground and rest. It pulsates with the same anger and passion as always.

He must have thrown it away.

She would feel so much better if she didn’t understand him so perfectly by now. A power too overwhelming for such a fallible heart. Mistakes so unforgivable that any home is lost.

And yet, the Force – the Force still flows through her… almost as if it never rejected her at all.

Rey doesn’t know what to make of it.

She takes a deep breath and extends her hand.

And it comes to her willingly, as it did before.

“Mine,” Rey says, to the shadow, to the Force.

Her mirror image doesn’t argue but studies her with something like… satisfaction? Strange.

When Rey flicks the switch, the blade manifests itself with fiery madness, just like all the times she’s seen it in action before. The fake cross guard follows a heartbeat later.

This weapon is tainted, just like she is.

And it’s clinging to her, calling for her to take it, make it hers.

And suddenly Rey knows what she has to do.

When she looks up, the shadow is gone.


	3. Yearning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so, so much for the kudos and subscriptions! <3

The Force is strong here. Calmer than on Kef Bir, but just as pervasive in its presence. Rey doesn’t even have to close her eyes, this time, to sense its perpetual current.

It wafts around her on this surprisingly sunny midmorning, prodding her as if to ask, _why are you back?_

Maybe it always knew her, inside out.

Yes. Wasn’t it obvious? This place has withheld so many answers before.

There’s no reason to assume it will be more forthcoming this time. All that has changed about her darkness is her awareness of it. And yet, there's still this foolish hope that the Jedi temple will advance her plan with its ancient powers, somehow. Old habits die hard, and what else can she do but hope?

She pauses at the foot of the stone steps and looks back at the saddle where she landed the X-Wing.

The caretakers already know she’s here, of course. A few of them are waddling around the ship, their headscarves flapping in the breeze. Another one is pointing up at her in dismay.

Rey still isn’t welcome here. Okay, she’s no good at socializing even with her peers, so what did she expect. And these women have probably always known everything about her.

And even if they didn’t, they have good reason to be mad at her. She caused a lot of damage to this island. And down at sea level, their sisters are still busy disassembling the charred wreckage of Ben’s TIE.

Rey averts her eyes in shame.

What was she thinking? She didn’t even loot the TIE before _punishing_ it like she needed to punish herself. For failing her Jedi mission when all her friends depended on her. For losing the Wayfinder, their only hope. For losing any illusion that she would ever be able to put an end to the Kylo Ren masquerade.

She’d been afraid of herself before she even had the full picture of what she is capable of.

Luke Skywalker’s guess seems even more absurd now. It was a welcome diversion, just as superficial as she needed. Put it all on a notorious man’s name, as if that had ever mattered.

Rey shakes her head to clear her mind, then turns to ascend the steps at a brisk pace.

She’s going to treat the temple with the utmost respect. It will work out fine. It has to.

Here she is, returning with _three_ lightsabers of the Skywalker clan. Her hand clutches the strap of her bag. One of them is hers now, and she’ll –

What’s that surge in the Force?

An objection by the Force itself? Would it stoop to respond to the impulsive plans of castoffs like Rey? She reaches out into the disturbance to find out.

Some living thing seems to be in fear for its life, close by. She turns around, and there it is, a baby Porg caught in a sticky web. Rey falls to her knees.

As soon as it’s free, the tiny Porg squeaks at her in disgust, its huge eyes full of reproach. Then it turns and toddles away as quickly as his legs allow.

Maybe it didn’t wish to live on? Rey has always fought tooth and nail to survive, but… yes, she knows the other feeling now, too, that calm consent to letting go.

 _Life. Death and decay that feeds new life. Peace. Violence._ The galaxy consists of both. She’d felt it before, but she hadn’t understood her part in it.

She’s still working on it.

*

A fat drop of water lands on Rey’s hand, and she lets it slide into the pool. One day this image will be worn down, erased by billions of drops.

Rey isn’t a Jedi, but she sees it now: This being depicted in the mosaic isn’t either.

It’s equal parts dark and light.

Not like herself, at all, because it seems so peaceful. As if both light and dark were equally necessary.

She tries to catch a glimpse of herself, as reflected by the shallow water. She really looks the opposite of a Jedi today with her dark, dirty clothes and wild braid.

Clothes can change so much, so easily. Rey herself, on the other hand… other people have seen light in her. Maybe it’s just used up by now, after counterbalancing her darkness for so long.

Rey considers the mosaic again. Hundreds of pieces coming together into a symmetrical whole. The fabled balance, personified.

Luke Skywalker didn’t create it, she’s sure.

He was too shocked by her inclination to the dark side, back when the Force within her cracked the rocks and drowsed her in water. She couldn’t control it then.

Who is she kidding? She can’t control it now. The temptation has only gotten worse by denying it. At least, by now, she’s aware of her nature.

Master Skywalker should have taught her how to manage this side of the Force. He should have taught _Ben_.

After all, Luke did know that the Force doesn’t belong to the Jedi. For all Rey knows by now, the Force might be impartial to all the struggles in the galaxy. It may not care about any specific thing.

But Rey does.

She wants a second chance.

Even though staying optimistic does come harder to her now than it ever did on Jakku.

With a sigh, Rey sits on the ledge of the pool and takes the lightsaber out of her bag.

The black hilt feels much colder to her touch than called for by air temperature, as if the cold of the ocean still clings to it.

This saber… it feels so different from the other two she knows. It’s beyond powerful and yet… trembling? Do all the weapons of the dark side feel like this?

Maybe she wasn’t hallucinating, after all, when the saber called on her to snatch it, the moment Ben dropped it on the Death Star. Perhaps it did choose to defect to the Force user with the highest level of darkness inside. No longer Kylo Ren, but Rey, drowning in rage and fear, hellbent on humiliating him, not even noticing that he would no longer be able to defend against her.

Ben must have felt it, too. No wonder he is so disgusted with both the saber and Rey.

How can she ever make it up to him? She touches her forehead to the hilt while her eyes close against the all too familiar burn of tears.

She blinks them away, for what good will it do to cry again? And this saber… she hasn’t yet taken the time to have a long close look at it.

Woah. She knew it was tainted, but this is so much worse.

This weapon is a lethal hazard to the _owner._ What a hack job. If this is the best Ben Solo can do in engineering, she’d better not let him near a workbench ever again.

There’s a fucking cable on the outside of the casing, running into a gaping hole that exposes the fragile inner mechanisms to shocks and dirt. The opening is skewed and jagged as if the maker just dropped the job mid-construction. The casing is held together not with welding but a clamp. With screws. On the _outside_.

It’s a wonder this giant self-sabotage didn’t rip off his arm.

Rey sighs in frustration, shaking her head.

And yes, she did notice the excessive heat before, but she didn’t realize that there were no handguards at all for the fiery lateral blades. The outlets are just two pipes, sawn off at a random angle. Was he _trying_ to get his hand burned off? The gloves wouldn’t have saved him.

She flicks the tiny switch more carefully than ever before. Yep, the heat is searing. And far too loud. The plasma of the blades is unstable. It’s hissing, not humming.

How could he have risked this for so long? This crystal couldn’t scream louder that it's unsafe to use.

The longer she stares at them, the more she understands that the lateral vents weren’t meant as a statement of sorts, but rather… an experiment… the last resort to ventilate the excess of energy.

The heat of the flames burns in her eyes. This lightsaber – this is Ben Solo living under the guise of Kylo Ren, isn’t it? It would be laughable if it weren’t so heartbreaking.

She needs to put it down and get her breathing back under control.

So. None of that casing can be reused. She’ll need to build a new hilt, too. Hopefully, the assortment of spare parts she brought will be up to the task.

If only she could use nothing but the Force to deal with this lightsaber, just like the old Jedi texts taught. But the time when the Master presented the Padawan with all the ready-made parts… this time is gone. She’ll have to make do with her own resources.

At least, she’s an expert in refitting used parts, and she knows every Jedi text on fixing lightsabers by heart, and her success with the Skywalker saber’s hilt should give her some confidence, right?

As this job will be volatile enough without any added chaos, she takes her time to organize the ledge into a makeshift workbench, laying the tools and parts out on the rough stone. She’s glad she brought her work gloves and goggles.

This thing here, it’s dangerous. It never fit right in the first place, so the disassembly will be even more hazardous. Rey is under no illusion about her vulnerability.

Her gaze lands on the mosaic again. Maybe not all darkness is always lost. Maybe Maz was right, and the Force will still guide her. She’ll see.

Careful, now.

And does it really matter if this is the Force helping her, or just her own skill and training? What counts is that the whole design appears before her mind’s eye as soon as she concentrates on the electricity within the lightsaber. It’s easy to analyze where to start and where to go next.

And so, she slowly unscrews this wretched casing, lifts off the sheath and – whew – starts to disable the energy supply from the diatium power cell. And the reserve power cell, too.

When the voltage field finally drops, she sighs in relief.

But unmistakably, the true source of the lethal energy is still inside. The crystal cradle has started pulsating with a red light, and it's eerie. As if it's housing a living thing.

Nevertheless, if she wants the crystal, she has to remove it.

She has a bad feeling about this, so she uses her trusty retractable extension bar and backs off as far as possible. She carefully unscrews the fastening of the housing –

the metal shoots up –

Rey leaps back –

and the giant red crystal glows… glows… –

and _bursts_.

Damn it! Fuck!

Once the hissing has calmed down, Rey moves closer to assess the damage.

The kyber crystal has broken into two parts, roughly even in size, big enough to fit a lightsaber on their own. And both crystals are still pulsating with red lights.

Damn, they are nagging her like Kylo did… as if challenging her to a duel. As if _begging_ her to subdue them.

And it’s enticing. It is.

Rey takes a deep breath. It feels good to finally be honest about some of the scary stuff.

However, even if she wanted to go this way, she’s not sure she could goad them further into the darkness. Ben’s rage must have been fucking intense to create this constant state of furious belligerence.

She won’t try and outdo him with her own anger. No, this is not going to be another insult. This is meant to be an apology.

She just needs the crystal to become stable. Safe. Saved.

Theoretically, she knows how to do this. She can recite all the passages in the Jedi texts.

Rey just has to call on every remaining piece of light inside her… all the light that hasn’t been snuffed out by the revelations on Kef Bir. She just needs to connect to the Force and be optimistic. Be loving, and pour that pure intent into the damaged object to heal it. This shouldn’t be difficult.

But the tightness in her throat suggests the opposite. Suddenly it seems as if all the air has been sucked out of the cave. She needs to get out of here.

*

Once she gets her frantic heartbeat under control again, Rey slows down to a more normal pace. Maybe the caretakers will stop staring at her now.

Woah, the mighty Uneti tree has been reduced to a charred wreck, too. She was right to steal the books, then. And no, this fire hadn’t been her doing, she’s sure. Mercifully. She shudders to imagine how the caretakers would glare at the culprit for _that_ kind of sacrilege.

Still, this ocean is so beautiful.

She should just try it again. Try to focus on feeling hopeful and joyful, and _loving_.

Rey has a lot of love to give, right? And she enjoys so many things.

This precious island where she first got to experience pouring rain. And she loves hot water on her skin even more.

She’s enjoyed every single meal she’s ever had with the Resistance. Except for maybe the last one.

She loves flying the Millenium Falcon, especially when she’s not thinking about who it belongs to.

She loves using her weapons with as much strength as she can muster. She loves training, feeling her muscles stretch, challenging her body to go faster and higher. Speaking of, she should apply another bacta patch to her finger, soon.

She loves reaching out to the living things around her in the Force. It used to bring her so much peace.

The angry crystals in her pockets, however, just keep pulsating in the same unsteady rhythm.

*

The place where they first touched hands has changed so much.

The caretakers didn’t rebuild the hut. Instead, they removed the stones and returned the plot to nature. The old fireplace is overgrown with grass and white blossoms, gently swaying in the breeze.

The sun warms Rey’s back as she kneels in the grass and brushes it with her fingertips. It’s still damp, like usual on Ahch-To. Her fingers sink into the wet soil, and the lovely texture and fragrance amaze her once again.

 _You’re not alone_ , the grass seems to whisper.

Isn’t she? She feels lonelier than ever before.

That line. Both feisty and gentle, just like Ben. Complicated. Instinctive. Loving him is both the easiest and the most demanding thing in the galaxy.

No, it’s no longer the most demanding thing.

All the circumstantial obstacles are gone. He has quit the First Order, just as she has left the Resistance behind. Her heart’s choice isn’t treason anymore. Her selfishness doesn’t endanger anyone but herself.

Rey would really like him to meet Finn and Rose and the others someday. She could introduce him as her… she hopes they can at least be…. No, she doesn’t want to be just friends.

No, there’s nothing to hide from herself anymore. She’s not ashamed of lusting after Kylo Ren anymore. Kylo Ren and Ben Solo are one and the same. And Rey of Jakku shares a _lot_ of his very worst traits, and it’s anyone’s guess whether she can keep up with his best qualities, too.

The light that was blazing through him when he showed up on Exegol – she’s not sure she ever matched its intensity.

Loving him is so easy, yes.

Ben Solo is brave. A feral warrior. Infuriatingly persistent. Smart to a fault. A literal _prince_ , generous and gentle in the face of petty behavior like Rey’s.

It’s hard to believe he had stared at her as if she’s all he ever wanted. Maybe she had imagined that because _she_ was staring at _him_ like that.

The mere thought of his stunning appearance on Exegol makes her heart clench with ravenous need. What she wouldn’t give to touch his face again, hold him, spoil him like he deserves. A frustrated growl escapes her lips, for, great, now she’s sweating.

“Ben,” Rey says, reaching out to the Force again.

But the bond stays silent, of course. She understands. He has indisputable reasons for staying away from her.

But wait a minute – he has always known who she is, hasn’t he? Even before that dark ancestry was revealed. And after, he still came back for her when it mattered the most. He saved her life. He saved her from herself. And if she is a castoff, then – no, this can’t be right! For he isn’t!

They are supposed to be a Dyad in the Force. Their bond will never fade away. She will always belong to him. It’s only par for the course that she wants to see him again.

“I love him,” Rey whispers to the Force, “please join us again.”

And if he has decided to let her go, she just wants – she _needs_ him to finally find the belonging and love that he deserves. And Rey… maybe she could watch over his family from the sidelines. Maybe give her life for them eventually, like a true Jedi.

Rey snorts at her own ridiculousness and watches the clouds sail across the sky.

She takes one of the crystals out of her pocket and caresses its rough edges with her dirty fingers.

Dark, but not content with it. It’s just like him. Like her, too.

She clutches it in her fist, close to her heart, but the red pulse is still visible through her fingers.

She needs this crystal stabilized.

She needs Ben back.

But what does Ben need?

Rey doesn’t know. But she’ll ask him. She’ll ask for his forgiveness. She’ll ask for his hand. She’ll be honest, and she’ll help him deal with his pain if he lets her.

The kind of pain that turned these poor stones into the tortured things they are.

Ben’s not here, but the two pieces of his crystal are. She’ll help them first.

She cannot transfer light into them, obviously, but… maybe she can… absorb some of the pain that Ben shared with them? She can take it. If Ben wants her back, she’ll go through it all anyway. This is not even a sacrifice. This may actually work.

Rey closes her eyes to focus on the piece of crystal in her hand, and yes, there’s pain.

And she reaches out with the Force to caress the swirling shadow inside –

it _tackles_ her with a roar, and she’s falling, falling –

*

_Falling, she’s falling amongst strikes of lightning all around. Lightsabers are flaming in both of her hands because a creature in a mask is trying to kill her._

_But no, she’s not panicked. The ice in her veins craves to kill that creature that has taken her last hope away from her. She wants this revenge more than she ever wanted anything._

I can do anything I want.

_And when she rams a blade through his chest, falling faster, a voice in the back of her mind confirms that yes, this was the first homicide she truly intended. She has finally done well._

_But instead of satisfaction, ice-cold horror floods her, for this is her end. She can never return home now. She has become the murderer they had made her out to be._

_She’s irredeemable now, so why not murder that traitor too? This woman would have done the same to her._

Why do you even want to live?

_*_

Damn, Rey’s throat constricts around her panting. She needs to know the whole story of what happened there. No one ever cared to tell her. Maybe no one ever cared to know in the first place.

What’s –

No! This piece of pain belongs to her now. The crystal can’t have it back.

It’s pulsating more quickly now, and is it… tugging at her mind?

No, she’ll keep this memory! She clutches it with all the power the Force grants her.

The crystal is not letting go, so what can she do –

she visualizes cutting the memory loose from the stone –

the crystal flashes with sudden heat, biting into her flesh –

she splays her fingers to set it free –

there it goes tumbling into the tall grass, out of sight.

And Rey starts looking for it at once, for she wouldn’t put it past the crystal that it’s trying to escape by some ancient Force trick she’s not yet aware of. And she is _not_ going to lose Ben’s crystal.

It didn’t run away, though.

The crystal has come to rest in a puddle, and the angry red pulse has changed into a luminous golden hue.

*

Luke Skywalker’s and Leia Organa’s kyber crystals don’t object to being taken out of their housings. Rey has been careful not to damage anything while disassembling the two lightsabers, of course. These crystals do deserve a rest, so she wraps them in a few scraps cut from her spare shirt and stores them in their emptied casings.

But Rey still feels nervous. Who knows if her interpretation is valid? Will the Force support her?

She almost envies the gorgeous golden crystal for the level of serenity it exudes. The other half is still glowing angrily in her hand. After one last look, she slips it into her pocket. It’s not her job to finish. The choice is his.

Her job is to give something up, too.

Rey twirls her trusted staff for the last time. It has served her well, and she’ll miss it. She’ll integrate the remaining parts and phrik into a new quarterstaff, later, at a real workbench with the high energy welding unit she’ll need for that.

But first, her cutting wheel prepares the parts necessary for the new casings.

It takes her a while to move the plasma technology into the new hilts. As much as her former staff provides the perfect diameter for the respective crystal housings, emitters, and power cells, she still needs to finetune the fastenings, of course.

Next, she crafts a detachable hinge, cutting and bending until it moves seamlessly, snapping in and out of place with a satisfying clunk.

After she has welded the hinge to the casings, she veneers the seams, for this is not going to look like a hack job.

This is going to look precise and precious.

One saberstaff for both parts of the Dyad.

Right?

It’s time to put the tools away and lay the individual parts out on the ledge of the pool, and Rey does so, although her hands tremble and her stomach hurts again.

Another drop lands in the pool, and Rey follows it into the water on impulse.

There’s nothing to hide anymore, and it’s time to open herself up to the Force like never before. To the shame and fear, and the honesty and hope, and the struggle in between. And she feels it now, she’s only such a tiny part of this giant web of living things, but her energy is still welcome, and she shares it willingly, helping to sustain the endless exchange.

When she opens her eyes again, all the lightsaber parts are floating in the air.

She knows where every piece is going to fit, and the golden crystal slips into its new housing as if it can’t wait to come home.

*

The weather has turned, as it so often does on Ahch-To. A gust of wind tugs at her braid, and a few streaks break free into the first hints of drizzle. Rey wouldn’t mind a little rain, out here on the windy meditation ledge where Luke had taught her the first lesson.

But wow, a powerful ray of sunlight pierces through the menacing storm clouds, hitting the rocks just below the ledge as if she could step on it. A surge of joy rushes through her, and she assumes the Jedi opening stance with the hilt that feels so fresh and exciting to her touch.

But – her fingers retreat from where they had wandered to in their eagerness.

Her stomach cramps. What if it doesn’t work? What if Ben’s crystal rejects her? What if it _kills_ her?

“Our new lightsaber, Ben,” Rey whispers to the storm in her face. “A bit of us both. What do you think?”

And she takes a deep breath and caresses the switch with her thumb until it sparks for the first time.

The blade instantly appears as a golden beam. It’s pure symmetry, as stable as a flame can be. Its diameter and length are _perfect_.

She eyes the hilt, which looks as dramatic as it should, all black and edgy. Her gaze drops further to the other half of the saberstaff, which is still missing a crystal.

This weapon is glorious.

She can’t wait for him to see it. He’ll like the spikes, too. Or he could create something even more dramatic. No, _Rey_ will build it for him, lest he’ll mess it up again.

While she’s chuckling to herself, the saber’s hum gets louder.

It’s asking to be used.

It accepts her. Knows her, like he does.

And somehow, she knows how it wants to be wielded, too. The very first set of training patterns flows as if this lightsaber had been hers for decades, and the smooth path of the golden blade lingers in a hint of afterglow.

*

When she finally gets the whole sequence right and lands her somersault right on the farthest ledge of the mosaic pool, she stabs the air in triumph.

Only then she realizes she has company.

She hadn’t called them. Or maybe she did by deconstructing the lightsabers? Whatever.

They face her from within the cave, shimmering in a blue haze, hands tucked into the sleeves of their robes like the Jedi do in the stories. Their tranquility contrasts with her panting, which has been joyful until a second ago.

At least, Luke and Leia have the good sense to appear a little apprehensive behind their smiles.

Rey has never met anyone of the species that accompanies them. The tiny green Master eyes her as if judging her. And although he does have a point, Rey bristles at the implication that he thinks he has any right to do so.

“I made this weapon from Kylo’s kyber crystal,” she announces in place of a greeting, holding fast onto the lightsaber in a horizontal stance with the hilt just below her chin. Grounding herself with its golden light.

“It’s beautiful,” Leia says, and Luke agrees with an appreciative nod and a closer look. Rey can’t sense if they know what she did to their sabers to create hers. She’d better not mention it.

She extinguishes the plasma blade and jumps down on even ground.

_These are your final steps, Rey._

“I was wondering. Did you know,” she asks as casually as she can, “that I would pay with my life?”

Of course, they knew.

And in their eyes, there’s also something like… regret for having sacrificed her, if she reads that correctly. Or maybe that’s what they want her to think. It doesn’t matter. She has always known that she may not survive her mission. And she has no right to recoil from the darkness in other people.

However, she bets they weren’t even aware that Ben had somehow returned to her. “Did you _plan_ for Ben to trade his life for mine?”

“Oh, no.” The tiny Master has the cheek to _chuckle_. “That Ben Solo is like. Like his father. Like his uncle.” He looks at Luke with affection. Leia looks down at her feet.

“Ben Solo is like _me,_ ” Rey snarls, aiming for icy menace. And failing, for hot anger breaks through. “You know, I couldn’t understand why Ben chose not to come with me after he had killed Snoke for me.” Right. She hadn’t told anybody, so these looks are to be expected. “He saved me. He wanted me. So why did he choose the First Order over me?” Rey pauses to get the words right. “He knew I wasn’t going to leave the Resistance. He chose the First Order over _you_.”

Luke and Leia are looking back at her with wide eyes, so Rey continues. “I knew there was still light in him. Yet I tried to shut him out, but _he_ didn’t give up on _me_.” She hesitates, for she doesn’t want to reveal too much. “He proved his love beyond any doubt.”

“Passion the way to the dark side is, young Rey.”

“It is our destiny,” Rey replies to the tiny Master. “Ben and I, we are a Dyad in the Force. We’re meant to be together, like husband and wife.”

All three of them are staring at her in shock. They didn’t know.

“We’re no Jedi. Passion is in our nature.”

Luke can’t meet her eye, and Leia averts her eyes quickly. Only the green Master holds her gaze.

“But we are no Sith either,” Rey continues. “We have much compassion to share.”

Now Luke looks at her as if he finally remembered his duty for at least a tiny bit of compassion with Rey, and maybe even his wayward nephew. “Rey, you are a Jedi. You do belong to us. You must overcome your darkness, and you will. That’s what we came here to tell you.”

Rey shakes her head, trying to clear away the sudden vision of herself, dressed in the clothes she died in, all alone in a desert, bowing to the ghosts assembled in front of her. She suppresses the urge to ignite her lightsaber, but barely.

They said they accepted Rey despite her evil ancestry, but they clearly know her even less than they know Ben Solo. Rey scavenges. Rey kills. Rey belongs to a Dyad in the Force, _a power like life itself_.

“Ben isn’t one with the Force, is he?” Rey tries hard for a sober tone. Not angry. Not whiny. “So where is he now?”

“Ben is not with us,” Leia says with tears in her eyes, and Luke doesn’t have anything to add to that. “Rey, you’ve got to let him go. He’s dead, at peace.”

“If he’s not with you, how do you know?”

Leia is taken aback by Rey’s outburst. “When he left this plane, he seemed so happy, as I haven’t felt since he was a little boy.”

Happy to _die_? Rey’s surprise at that absurd surmise vents itself in laughter. But it makes sense, of course. If Luke and Leia had any idea what would have made Ben happy, they wouldn’t all be stuck in this mess right now.

It’s high time to face some painful truths together.

Rey sits down on the ledge to persuade her body to relax and her anger to recede. The water on the mosaic ripples as if a stiff breeze was stirring it.

“You know,” she fixates them with a sharp look, “let’s talk about some other facts you might not be aware of.”

“Young Rey –“ the Master starts, but she’s not interested in keeping quiet anymore.

“Did you know what caused Ben,” Rey addresses Leia first, “to tear down Luke’s temple?” She doesn’t look at Luke. “I had to force the truth out of his master and uncle, the man who had shown heroic compassion for Darth Vader.”

Leia blanches. Rey looks at Luke.

“I’m so sorry, Leia,” Luke mumbles. “I failed us all.”

“Tell us, Master Skywalker,” Rey says. “Why did Ben leave?”

Luke swallows, then squares his shoulders in response to their staring contest. “I kept monitoring the darkness rising in him as we agreed. And on that day, I sensed darkness so all-consuming that it seemed to make sense… to stop it. Before his unmatched strength in the Force fell to the dark side.”

Leia didn’t know, if her agonized gasp is any clue.

Luke wrings his hands. “He woke to see me standing above him with a lightsaber. He didn’t attack me. It was me who considered killing him in his sleep.”

“You –” But Leia doesn’t have a right to explode with rage, and Rey jumps to her feet.

“Luke didn’t go through with the impulse, and he regretted his mistake for the rest of his life. But Ben didn’t know that. I didn’t tell him either. Ben had good reasons to flee, and where could he turn? He felt he couldn’t return to you neither, Leia. He told me.”

Leia is shaking her head, but Rey isn’t finished and holds up her hands.

“I know it’s true. He thought it was too late. You would never take him back. You never tried to talk to him in the Force, did you? The one time you activated your Jedi powers to reach him, he fell victim to his incredulous surprise.”

Obviously, Luke didn’t know this, but Leia knows exactly what Rey’s talking about. Her mouth is a strict line.

“I abused that moment of distraction to stab him, fine killer that I am,” Rey says, as calmly as she can. “Was that what you wanted?”

“He’s my son.” Leia weeps freely now, in a way Rey hasn’t thought possible. “I _never_ wanted him to get hurt. I also couldn’t let him kill _you_ , Rey. The fate of the galaxy was depending on you, and I sensed that he had provoked a fatal fight.”

“But he didn’t want to kill me. He never did. I, in contrast, I _did_ want to, General,” Rey says. “I have tried to kill your son so often. And I finally _succeeded_. My darkness had surpassed his by far.” Damn, now she’s crying, too.

“I should have come to him sooner,” Leia says, swaying a little on her feet. “But I was so afraid to use these powers, for Ben’s sake.”

Leia turns to Luke, who nods. “I told you, Rey. Leia had a vision that Ben would die if she continued on her Jedi path, so she wasn’t free to use the Force at will.”

“So why did you arm me with Leia’s lightsaber?” Rey glares at Luke. “I was still reeling from murdering Ben when you showed up. What was I to do with it? Finish what you started? Fulfill the vision?”

Now it’s Luke’s turn to blanch. “No, that’s not…” He looks back and forth between Leia and Rey. “This thought didn’t even occur to me. I was just trying to arm you with everything we had left.”

Oh, Rey is such a monster. But before she can apologize, the tiny Master intervenes. “Our mistakes in silence only grow worse.”

Yes, they need to talk about their big mistakes, and some motivations might even turn out to be forgivable, eventually. But the first step is acknowledging what they did to Ben.

“We have all betrayed Ben so badly. Every single one of us – we just abandoned him as soon as he disappointed us. We didn’t even care to argue it out before resorting to violence. As if he were a monster, not even human, instead of what he truly is, to all of us.” Rey takes a deep breath and looks at her former heroes. “I’m going to change that. He needs to hear how much I love him.”

His mother and his uncle both look shaken but make no move neither to argue nor to concede. Rey hopes that one day, they will resolve to make amends, too.

Right now, they clearly can’t help her find Ben. And so, Rey takes leave with a nod and a backflip to the meditation ledge.

Hopefully, more bonding with the Dyad’s saberstaff will inspire her how to continue her mission.

*

Rey’s stomach cramps again, and now she knows it’s not just the hunger.

As much as was explained to her about this condition, when it first happened after a few months of regular meals, she still isn’t used to it, not like the other girls her age are. The timing couldn’t be worse, could it?

It seems she got lucky, though. The caretakers haven’t touched Luke’s stuff as if they still expect him to return. But he definitely won't miss any of these towels she’ll use.

When she looks around, she notes with some surprise that there’s nothing else in this hut that stirs her scavenger’s instinct. For now.

Rey will leave something here, instead.

First, she double checks that the kyber crystals are still safely nestled in the empty hilts. Then, she wraps both hilts in the piece of leather that had hidden Leia’s lightsaber for so long. She ties the strap tightly, so the dust and rust won’t get to them.

She has a feeling that this hole in the wall won’t be their final resting place. Maybe one day, the Force will call upon them to protect a new generation of Jedi.

Was it only two days ago that Luke Skywalker gave her his sister’s weapon? So much has changed in so short a time.

But Ben Solo is still more out of reach than ever before. She’ll have to continue her studies, and maybe the caretakers can point her to more Jedi texts, and perhaps she does, in fact, need to go back for these dark side artifacts –

Her stomach interrupts with a rumble too loud to ignore.

Yes, she should eat something first. And sleep. After a good nap, everything will work out better.

She’s only halfway up the steps to the X-Wing, though, when the Force suddenly nudges her. Wow, she didn’t dare hope for another clue so quickly –

but the joy shatters to the earsplitting crash of a metal structure, and a flood of pain calls on her through the Force.


	4. Echoes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your kind feedback! I’m so happy about every single comment, kudos, bookmark, and subscription!

Is she falling for a trick like Luke’s again? Rey has made a fool of herself on this island before.

But no, this time, the emergency is real. Rey stops dead at her vantage point, still high above the sea and the accident scene.

The charred structure of the TIE has collapsed into its own footprint. A scavenger’s nightmare. And Rey’s fault.

Two, no, three caretakers are running around in agitation. Rey wants to scream, too. But no, she won’t be able to help if she lingers on her guilt. She can make amends later.

Right now, Rey must locate the sources of the pain in the Force.

Three… how can there even be _three_ Force signatures trapped in this tiny wreckage? One of them is barely alive. And there’s no telling how much longer the fragile cavities will hold. No time to waste.

Rey moves closer to the precipice to have a full view of the crash scene. “Move away from the wreck,” she shouts at the caretakers. They don’t like it but comply.

Rey stretches out both her hands to shift the debris with the Force. Carefully. Inch by inch, to keep these annoying slipping parts under control. As soon as the exit point is big enough, she picks up the closest victim and levitates them outside. One by one, as gently as possible.

It takes a while, and by the end, she’s sweating from the effort.

Then she sprints the rest of the way down to the casualties that are now lying side by side on the grass, barely conscious with pain, their white dresses dirty and torn.

The other Lanais are crying even harder. And even more of them are storming down the steps, roused from the village by the noise and tremor.

Rey is met with skeptical stares all around. Right. They know her as an apprentice, and a clumsy one at that. They know that this was her ship. Her fault.

“I can help them,” she says with as much Jedi gravitas as she can impersonate. “I’ve trained in Force healing with Master Leia Organa.”

While the caretakers resume their chatter, hopefully discussing her proposal, Rey reaches out to the Force again to determine the severity of the injuries. The Living Force of the youngest of them seems nearly gone by now, and Rey moves closer to her on instinct.

If she wants to save her, Rey can’t hold out any longer for an act of permission, so she glares at one of the oldest caretakers pointedly. Fortunately, the woman seems to understand and gestures from Rey to the injured sisters, clearly inviting her to begin.

Rey kneels by the caretaker’s side and spreads her hand out across the torso. “Don’t be afraid,” she says, for she recognizes the panic on the young face. “You won’t die today.”

Then, Rey closes her eyes to tap into her own Living Force. She uses it to stop the bleeding and repair the ruptured vessels of all these critically wounded organs she can’t even name, mend the broken ribs, set the broken hip bone, and reconstruct the muscle and flesh tissue around it.

Once she’s finished, Rey is so exhausted that she has to lie down for a moment.

Why is this so hard today?

Okay, the last few minutes weren’t too easy. The last few _days_.

Rey turns her head to her patient, who looks a lot better now. She looks up at the elderly Lanai who has come closer, into her line of sight. She recognizes this one. It’s the matron. What was her name again?

“She should be fit for transport to your infirmary now,” Rey says.

The matron issues some orders to her sisters, jump-starting a low-tech medivac operation with a makeshift stretcher on a wheelbarrow. Then she nods at Rey expectantly.

Yes. Rey has to take care of two more living beings. How can she stretch her Living Force so it will suffice?

Maybe that’s what Ben did, too. Maybe he simply gave too much, after being depleted by his injuries, by the cursed Force drain? Perhaps he had counted on her to give it back to him?

Of course, she would have, if he hadn’t disappeared so quickly. She would have given him every last flicker of her Living Force. She would have.

If she gives all of it now, maybe she will vanish, too, to the place where they’ll meet again?

Worth a try.

Rey heaves herself up and kneels again beside the next victim, who is still crying. No wonder, this broken shoulder probably hurts like hell, and Rey moves with the Force to melt the fragments back together, repair the vessels and reduce the bruising. Then she sets the broken arm. This should heal nicely now.

As soon as she lets go, Rey collapses on her back.

She’ll have to crawl over to the last one. Fine.

But she is stopped by the matron who blocks her path, looking down on her with… disapproval?

Alcida-Auka. That’s her name.

The matron shakes her head, and points at Rey’s heart, then at all the caretakers around them, at the sky and the ocean.

What? Rey doesn’t understand, and she’s struggling to stay conscious, so she’d better hurry.

But when Rey lays her hand upon the third victim’s body, the matron pushes her arm away and repeats her gestures urgently, shaking her head at Rey’s heart and indicating all the surroundings instead.

Oh! She never questioned –

This is worth a try, too.

Sensing that Rey has finally understood, the matron retreats. There’s still a strange look in her eyes that Rey doesn’t resent as much as she probably should.

This time, Rey reaches out to every living thing in the Force around her, the Lanais, the Porgs, the lone Thala-siren on the shore, and once the connection is complete, she tries to gather a small spark of Living Force from each of them. Hopefully, they won’t even notice their loss.

And it _works_. Rey can’t believe it.

All this vibrant energy floods her senses, fills her veins, and she takes a moment to appreciate how much better she feels already.

When she releases all of it into healing the broken bones of the last victim, the work is finished much faster than when she was using what little was left of her own Living Force. The joined energy is much more potent than only her own. Of course, it is.

 _This_ is the right way to do this.

Why didn’t Leia know?

Rey sits back on her heels and watches the Lanai bend her legs experimentally until her sisters come to whisk her away in another wheelbarrow.

Rey sinks to the ground to catch her breath and close her eyes, only for a little while.

*

When Rey comes to, she’s all alone in the shadow of the wreckage, and dusk is falling around her. Soon it will be too cold to stay outside. She sits up to pull up her hood, but oh, she’s wearing a shirt without one. So, she just tightens her belt around her vest and pulls up the collar.

She should have kept a bit of that shared Living Force, just enough to propel her up that hill again, to the X-Wing.

Maybe that’s why. Maybe Leia did know and chose to hide it from the Palpatine offspring. It may be forbidden for the Jedi. The temptation for abuse is too great.

But every power granted by the Force can be abused, right?

Alcida-Auka wasn’t afraid to see her claim the full potential of Force healing.

The caretakers are much wiser than she had given them credit for. They are much better at communicating than her, as well. They understand her Basic well enough, while their language is still a mystery to Rey.

And they lead a real life here. She didn’t even understand why they were dismantling the TIE. Only now she realizes that this wasn’t just another scavenging job. The wreck is obstructing the sole spot on this island where an average-sized spaceship can land.

Rey is so _selfish_.

And yet again, she has failed to notice the approach of a few Lanais until they’re almost close enough to touch. She needs to be more alert, for real.

It’s Alcida-Auka with two sisters who carry baskets, and Rey struggles to her feet to greet them respectfully.

The matron considers her. Then, she produces an ancient datapad from her pocket and hands it over to Rey. It displays only a few words in Aurebesh: _We may share our healing across the universe, as life unites us all._

Rey nods, for she understands that now. “Thank you for sharing your wisdom.” She points to the wreckage. “Please accept my apology for all the damage I have caused on this holy island.” Her cheeks feel hot, but she has no one to blame but herself. “I was reckless and neglectful. I didn’t treat you with the respect you deserve. I am very sorry.” She truly is. “I wish your injured sisters a speedy recovery.”

In reply, the matron just nods as if she already knew that. Hopefully, this means that she accepts Rey’s apology.

The data pad now reads: _Why are you here?_

Luke had asked her the same. And although so much has changed in the meantime, she’s still searching for her… true purpose, isn’t she?

“I’m looking for Ben Solo.” The matron doesn’t know him, obviously. “He isn’t… present in our galaxy, for now. I hope the Force may show me a way to him here.”

The matron nods as if she agrees that this island does answer some questions, occasionally.

She certainly knows so much more than Rey about the ways of the Force, so it can’t hurt to ask. “Do _you_ know where the dead go? Those who are not one with the Force?”

Alcida-Auka fixates her with a sharp gaze as if weighing her options.

Then she shrugs and invites Rey to the little picnic on a blanket that the other caretakers have arranged in the meantime. Rey’s mouth waters just by looking at it, and her eyes fill with grateful tears at the kindness she doesn’t deserve.

One of the sisters hands Rey a bottle of water that she drains in seconds. These pieces of dark bread and green cheese are delicious. She also loves the dried fish and the spicy creams served in small bowls.

It’s hard to suppress her moans and slow down her ravenous bites, but she tries to. She doesn’t want to seem rude to her hosts.

After she’s eaten her fill, Rey catches the matron’s eye, for she can make further amends now. “How can I help with the wreck? Should I discard it into the ocean?”

Yes, the matron seems to agree, pointing far out over the ocean.

“As far out as I can reach?” Rey asks to make sure.

The matron nods.

And so, Rey stands and lifts the wreck with the Force, pushing it away until the matron raises her hand. Far out in the twilight, the TIE disappears with a mighty splash.

The two younger sisters have started to climb the steps again in the meantime, and both Rey and the matron hurry to follow them.

On the saddle, Rey notices with shame that the X-Wing is parked right across the path. She’ll fly it to the proper landing spot before settling in for the night.

But the caretakers don’t let her step inside. They tug at her sleeves and urge her to come along with them.

Alright, then. “Do you need more help at the infirmary?”

They don’t. But they want her to come along anyway.

*

It turned out that Rey had been invited to the busy refectory. The hot soup was delicious, and about twenty caretakers filled the warm room with friendly chatter. Luckily, their glances toward Rey had softened considerably, compared to earlier that day.

Next, they offered her a cozy cabin aboard one of their oceangoing ships.

But Rey has noticed that the sailors were working in the dark, preparing this ship to sail very soon. And she certainly can’t afford to waste time on a fishing trip across Ahch-To.

“I’m sorry,” Rey tells Alcida-Auka, once the matron has halted her discussion with the captain at the helm and turned to Rey. “I can’t sail with you.”

In response, the matron takes Rey’s hands and lays them gently against Rey’s own heart. It seems as if she’s trying to help Rey recover from her exhaustion, and Rey doesn’t want to be ungrateful.

“How long will this trip take?”

The matron clearly answers, _only a little time_ , by indicating so with her fingers.

Okay. “Where are we going?”

Will they go to where the male Lanais spend most of their time, maybe the mainland she has seen from above? Rey likes to explore new places, but she would feel safer if she had, at least, a general idea of their destination. And her options for escape.

The matron pulls out her datapad and beckons Rey closer: _You need to see it yourself._

Oh well. What did Rey expect? No wise woman had ever given her a simple answer.

An unrelated idea occurs to her. “Did Luke Skywalker ever go there?”

The matron shakes her head, _no_ , and adds a shrug, as if to say, _he’s irrelevant here_. Then she points at Rey and nods, and the datapad reads: _This is important for you._

The ship is ready to sail into the night, and the matron looks to Rey for approval.

“Yes,” Rey says, gripping the railing and looking out over the black ocean under the starlit night sky, “please show me.”

*

A young sister has woken Rey from a fitful sleep, and wow, the scenery has changed very much.

The ship is now moored to a dock whose ends disappear into the thick fog that surrounds them. Judging by its light grey color, it must be daytime. Strangely, the air doesn’t feel as cold as similar weather had felt on Luke’s island.

The Force is strong here, too. Rey senses its persistent hum, and she touches her new saberstaff instinctively.

Alcida-Auka places her hand on Rey’s fingers and shakes her head, _no_. Of course.

The whole of the ship’s company seems to have assembled on deck. Their chatter ceases, and they clearly expect Rey to walk into that fog.

Alone. For an unknown purpose and destination. Why is she not surprised.

One last impulse of self-preservation breaks forth. “Will you be here when I return?”

The matron kind of smiles and nods as if to say, _don’t worry, child_.

If Rey is reading that correctly. It would probably serve her right if they stranded her here, out of lingering resentment. She can only hope that the Force would warn her. So, hopefully, it’s a good sign that the Force doesn’t react at all as she jumps down from the ship with as much poise as she can muster.

Rey takes leave from the caretakers with a respectful nod and holds her head high for as long as they can watch her strides. Soon, all that is left are the sounds of her footsteps on the wooden dock, and the fog around her.

Okay. Rey breathes consciously to calm her nerves. She has seen worse, hasn’t she? This place is not reverberating with pure evil like Exegol was.

And even if there is another monster to kill, she will just do her best again. Maybe this is the Force’s condition to let her reconnect to Ben. Maybe another sacrifice is necessary.

She will do it.

At the end of the dock, a muddy path leads into the land, and Rey tries to avoid the worst of the mud puddles –

ow, this bright light hurts in her eyes –

she wheels around in shock.

The fog is still behind her, like a curtain that has fallen closed.

And she’s bathed in sunshine.

Bright, hot sunshine all around.

Her pupils are still hurting from the sudden change.

She’s never seen a weather phenomenon like that before. But what does she know about any of this? Maybe this is perfectly normal on ocean planets.

Maybe other lands look like that, too. In front of her, there’s nothing but grasslands, a steep grassy hill reaching up into the sky, as far as she can see. A serpentine footpath leads up towards the hilltop, switching back and forth in long curves.

Rey doesn’t have time for such a long detour. She just ascends straight up the hill instead, crossing the path repeatedly.

The heat feels familiar, and she likes it. She pauses to tie her long-sleeved shirt around her hips, then shoves the vest into her bag.

The next stop is on the top of the hill, taking in the breathtaking view.

This is an island, too.

No – she’s standing on the rim of a vast crater. This seems to be an extinct volcano, now overgrown with grass and trees. The lowest point in the middle must be well below the ocean’s water level.

And the uncanny wall of fog – she strains to view its shape beyond the far end of the crater – yes, it does seem to surround the whole of this island like a town wall.

In front of her, the valley is covered with what appears to be a lush jungle. This vegetation seems much more alike to Ajan Kloss than to Luke’s island. It’s quite the opposite, really, and Rey wonders how the caretakers were able to bring her to this different climate zone so quickly.

Ahch-To does serve up some strange manifestations of the Force.

Rey can’t wait to find out why Alcida-Auka has sent her here.

The jungle is bristling with living things of all kinds, interwoven within the tight web of the Force. And something – _something_ is calling her from its midst. But Rey can’t decipher what it is.

She’ll have to walk down the path to find out.

*

Rey has never seen a forest as dense as this one before.

Its living things so closely resemble the forest on Ajan Kloss. It’s the same types of plants, the same small noises of the foliage and insects.

But the path is very narrow, just wide enough for one person to pass through. On both sides, it’s bounded by a tangle of underbrush, shrubs, and branches, higher than Rey is tall. It seems as if someone has intentionally forged this living nature into impenetrable walls.

It feels like a trap… almost as claustrophobic as the unsafe pipes of the Jakku shipyard.

Rey’s fingers itch to grab her quarterstaff, but it’s gone. It’s a lightsaber now. She doesn’t ignite it. She just holds it at the ready.

And she quickens her pace to get rid of the tension.

The path leads further downhill, and after a sharp turn to the left, it doesn’t seem to favor any particular direction anymore.

If only she could orient herself by the sun. But the sun is hiding behind the thick canopy of leaves, its light reduced to bright flecks sparkling in the soft breeze.

Before long, Rey’s almost jogging, intent on leaving this unnerving passageway behind.

Will this never end?

She’s sure now, this path is going on for too long. It’s even leading upward again.

No.

This can’t be true!

This U-turn would lead her right back into the direction she just came from!

Rey falters to a standstill as a flash of hot anger sparks through her.

She needs to get to the middle of this jungle, so why is she sent on such stupid detours? Is this her damnation? Is she sentenced to run in circles forever?

Is this fucking _maze_ the monster she must kill?

The lightsaber blazes in her hand, and all the thorns around her grow longer and sharper, _jabbing_ at her as if challenging her to a fight, and the urge to hack right through the shrubs strangles her, possesses her, just like –

just like –

No! Not again!

She must not give in!

And the golden glow – no. This will not be its first use!

Rey hurries to clip the hilt back to her belt and clasp her trembling hands behind her back, where they can do no damage.

She takes a moment to concentrate on her breathing to calm herself down.

Upon closer inspection, the plants in the undergrowth are not attacking her at all. On the contrary, they seem to be _recoiling_ from her, as if they knew what danger they were in. This place is very peculiar indeed. 

Oh, she’s glad that she’s come to her senses just in time not to give in to another fit of nervous rage.

Alcida-Auka said Rey needed to see this place, and this path is clearly meant to be walked upon. It _must_ lead to whatever is waiting in the middle eventually… no, Rey still can’t sense what it is. She can’t even say if it’s a monster or a treasure.

She hopes for the latter, for this path really is monstrous enough as it is, isn’t it? Maybe the route’s purpose is to put her patience to the test. Ugh, perhaps she’ll even have to find her way through a lot of junctions and dead ends. She hates it already.

But she must submit to the path’s detours anyway.

Maybe she could sprint the rest of the way, use her speed training to finish as quickly as possible, at least. On second thought, her limbs have grown heavier than usual, and she should save some strength for the monsters that may yet appear, right?

No matter how obediently her feet are trotting along, however, her thoughts are still racing.

The scavenger inside of her still needs to know where she is and what she’s facing. For she’s all alone again, remember?

This hurts worse now than it ever did before.

Damn it, this path is just like Rey’s life. It gives her no choice in its endless demands, twisting and turning senselessly. She just keeps moving forward blindly, grabbing things that don’t belong to her, trying to adapt herself to every new situation, and then to the next.

Rey grits her teeth and tries to suppress these awful flashbacks to that dreadful duel – that horrible ordeal in hell – these excruciating realizations on the Death Star –

She is a killer, not a savior.

A Palpatine.

This isn’t the belonging she was yearning for.

No. No!

Her belonging is still ahead of her!

She _knows_ who she belongs to. She won’t give up so easily. She won’t give up, ever, unless he himself tells her to.

And no, that’s not likely, because he kissed her back. She didn’t imagine that. She still remembers the soft caress of his lips, and that was after she had betrayed him. He’s always known her as she is, and yet he still saved her, and this is why Rey will take charge of her life, for once, and find him.

Yeah, right. Says the good girl whose feet keep moving on the predetermined, inescapable path through a mysterious forest, for a goal and reason too secret for her to know. It’s sheer madness, and Rey laughs at her ridiculous foolishness.

She’s only got herself. Rey of Jakku, stumbling into the unknown like always.

If the old Rey of Jakku had stumbled upon a path like this –

Wait. Rey of Jakku… Rey stops and closes her eyes to summon that older version of herself.

And it’s insane, but the moment she gets in touch, her senses awaken to the myriad sounds and smells around her. Her mind is flooded with the smell of sun-warmed wood and damp earth, with the rustling of leaves, the chirping of birds, the gurgling of the lively brook hidden by this undergrowth.

Oh, Rey of Jakku would have been _delighted_ to discover a path like this. She would have adored the stunning beauty of this forest, its luxurious abundance of foliage, translucent with sunlight, but also sheltered in the shade.

There’s even a beautiful red blossom! No, there are more of them, red, yellow, white, and orange. Every shape is different, every shape is perfect. And they all smell sweet. How come she didn’t notice these delicious fragrances before? Now, every breath she takes tastes like a treat.

And the path feels so soft underneath her soles. The bouncy forest soil is strewn with dry leaves, scrunchy cone pines, and puddles of rich mud. Ancient roots sprawl out across the path, and there are some rocky passages, too. Her feet like the variation, but is she even walking any longer, or is she floating?

And when the new Rey of Jakku finally remembers to reach out to the living things around her, too, the familiar web of the Force catches her, and she dedicates herself to the many U-turns of the journey.

*

She knows that she’s arrived at the destination when she reaches a natural tunnel that looks like a doorway. The sharp edges of the rocks are overgrown with moss, and giant fern fronds keep grazing her skin while she walks through.

At the far end, a cluster of twigs covers the exit like a natural curtain. Rey takes a moment to brace herself before brushing the drape aside and stepping out to the other side.

A gasp of astonishment escapes her against her will.

Rey loves waterfalls, and this one here is even more stunning than the one on Ajan Kloss, although it’s so much smaller.

The sparkling stream emerges from the dense forest on a steep slope to feed the turquoise water of an idyllic pond. The cascade is divided into several arms and levels by the layered structure of flattish boulders, some of them dry, some of them underwater, some of them even home to pretty bushes. The water is flowing and falling along many different routes, powerful and fast at some edges, glittering with white crests at others. Elsewhere, the water is only a trickle or a graceful veil. In the direct sunlight, the wet rocks look like molten gold.

This is a sacred place, no doubt about it.

The presence of the Force is overwhelming.

 _Come in_ , the lake seems to whisper.

The sunlight feels hot on her skin, and why not?

Rey drops her bag, takes off her shirt and boots, and rolls up her pants.

She’ll keep the lightsaber with her. She isn’t being stupid, she hopes. She checks the pond with both eyesight and her connection to the Force, but she can’t sense any danger.

The scariest thing around is, hands-down, her own hair. How did it become so tangled and frizzy?

She grins at her own reflection.

Hopefully, she isn’t too dirty for this lake.

*

The knee-deep water is blissfully refreshing. The lake is so clear that Rey can see a school of tiny fish swimming away in alarm, from a few yards away. She'll wade to the waterfall to wash her –

damn, where did that woman come from so suddenly?

Rey’s fingers close around the saberstaff, and she tries to hide her shock, but it’s too late anyway.

The young woman sizes Rey up from her viewpoint on the rocks right in front of the waterfall.

She is a vision of beauty.

Her grand gown bares the glowing skin of her shoulders and most of her cleavage down to her navel but clings to her shapely breasts and hips. From there, uncountable folds flow down to the ground in shimmering hues of pink and gold. Rey has never seen a fabric like this before. She wants to touch it and see if it’s as soft as it looks.

Long brown curls frame the woman’s pretty face, and the glittering earrings amplify the serene smile that has formed on her face. She’s still gazing back at Rey, relaxed and silent.

Rey swallows, suddenly ashamed of her filthy clothing and hair. She probably stinks, too, sweaty and bloodied as she is.

But… they are still on Ahch-To, right? Can this rough planet be the homeworld to a princess like this? Rey's grip on her lightsaber tightens.

“Dear Rey,” the woman says, “look at you, gorgeous. I’m so proud.”

Rey takes a step back, for she was right, and this being isn’t as innocuous as it seems. She should try and take control of this meeting, start over from the beginning. “Who are you?”

The woman’s smile turns… wistful? “I’m the fool who slept with a powerful man and ended up pregnant.”

Rey feels herself blush, for she still isn’t used to discussing things like that.

And then she understands why she was sent here.

“Grandmother,” she whispers.

The apparition nods gracefully and looks at Rey with affection. “Finally, we meet.” She steps down to the lower levels of the rocks and into the water, toward Rey. Her luxurious gown gets wet, but she doesn’t seem to care. She moves very slowly as if not to startle Rey.

Rey remains rooted to the spot, torn between distrust and longing.

Can this be true? Is it possible that this beauty felt as attracted to _Palpatine_ as Rey does to Ben? 

When she has come close enough, the being offers her hands, palms up.

_You wanted to take it._

This time, Rey listens to her gut instinct. She puts the lightsaber away and lays her hands inside of the other woman’s hands. They feel warm and soft, although this shouldn’t be possible.

It isn’t possible, no.

“Did he violate you?” Rey should have phrased that more politely, but how?

“No, he didn’t.” The woman considers Rey. “Maybe he tricked me, but I was very willing, too. Sometimes our most impulsive decisions lead to the most lasting changes, and only time will tell if they were good or bad.”

She squeezes Rey’s hands as if to say, this turned out good.

And Rey… yes, Rey knows a lot about being impulsive, too. About not caring about names and sides. “I wouldn’t exist otherwise.”

The woman nods. “Passion is an essential part of a woman’s life. We bleed, we know all the pain, and we should know all the pleasure too.” She pauses, then resumes. “Your grandfather was popular and eloquent. And he was good to me.” She winks as if Rey knew what she means.

Another blush heats Rey’s cheeks, but her grandmother doesn’t see it, for she’s leading Rey toward the waterfall now. They sit on a dry rock within the many arms of the cascade, and suddenly Rey’s confusion gives way to curiosity. She is finally ready to deal with her alleged ancestry. “Were you married to Palpatine?”

“Gods, no!” Her grotesquely young grandmother gives a short laugh. “It was only that one time at the Royal Masquerade Ball. I barely knew him. At the time, he was our most famous politician and even richer than my family. He courted me all evening long with that dangerous charm of his.” Her smile fades. “A little later, he turned into that dreadful tyrant. When I found out, I decided to hide the pregnancy. My boy – your father – he wasn’t Force-sensitive at all. I guess that was what kept us safe. We led a quiet life on Naboo, at my parents’ estate. You had a few aunts and uncles and cousins, too, and then my son fell in love with a remarkable woman. She didn’t back off when she heard about his parentage. We were all so happy when you were born.”

While her grandmother fondly brushes a few strands of hair out of Rey’s face, Rey’s heart flinches with a flash of pain. But she tries to hide it, for the other woman’s sake.

She is far calmer than Rey herself. “When you were almost four years old, we accidentally left you behind in the chaos of a party picnic in the woods. Poor child. In your panic, you felled a few trees with your Force lightning powers, and Darth Sidious noticed from wherever he was hiding. That was the quick end of all of us. Your parents tried to go underground with you, but…” She falls silent.

“I am so sorry,” Rey says, trying hard to keep the tears at bay. She betrayed them all. And then she killed this woman’s baby. “I blew up the ship they were on, with Force lightning.”

“I know.” Her grandmother sighs. “It’s not your fault, my dear. You couldn’t control it.”

This doesn’t change the fact that Rey destroyed this woman’s life. Some of the tears do fall, she can’t stop them. “I have his blood. How can I ever be free of him?”

“You already are, Rey.” Her grandmother reaches out for Rey’s hands again. “You may have inherited some of his powers, but you’re not cursed to abuse them as he did. And don’t forget that you also share blood with _my_ family, and your mother’s family. And it was us who raised you, Rey. No, for a much longer time, you raised _yourself_. And you did so well. What did Darth Sidious ever teach you?”

She has a point, and she doesn’t. “I almost submitted myself to the dark side. To him,” Rey admits to her feet.

“But you resisted this temptation.”

“Ben saved me.” Without Ben, she would have been lost.

“And why is that? You _inspired_ the wish to help in him, didn’t you?”

Okay, but –

“Rey, you carry so much light in you.” Her grandmother locks eyes with Rey. “And if you’re still unsure about your calling in the Force, then please contrast your worrisome ancestry with the much rarer Force mystery you are a part of.”

What?

Her grandmother has let go of Rey’s hand to express her excitement with sweeping gestures, her earrings sparkling with the movement. “Imagine! A Dyad in the Force, unseen for generations!” She rises from her seat, beaming with pride. “The Force truly surpassed itself in its everlasting quest for balance. Who will have more influence on your life, Rey? The old man or the one you chose?”

This propels Rey to her feet, too. “Do you know,” Rey barely dares to breathe, “where Ben is?”

“He’s beyond the in-between, of course,” her grandmother says. “Aren’t you on your way to fetch him?”

Rey nods but doesn’t understand a word. _The in-between_?

“I loved my family, and we all live on in you. Please do me a favor and have some babies after you’ve sent your grandfather into the Force, my dear. And please give Sheev my regards.”

“I already killed Palpatine.” Rey’s voice is almost strangled by the sudden onslaught of ice-cold fear. No, Palpatine cannot have returned yet again, please no.

“Do you mean that absurd duel _you_ were killed in?” There’s a hint of a smile on her grandmother’s beautiful face. “If you were satisfied with the outcome, would you be here now?”

Rey doesn’t know. She doesn’t understand.

But instead of bothering to explain further, her grandmother walks into the pond again. Only, no, she’s not touching the water at all, this time. She’s floating above, her precious gown not even skimming the water.

After a few steps, she turns back to look at Rey. “Follow your heart, Rey. You are the creator of life.”

Her body turns translucent –

“Wait! What’s your name – “

But she’s gone, and the only thing Rey can see in the water is her own reflection staring back at her.

*

“Her name was Shakti Liban. Your father was called Vikat,” a soft voice says behind her.

Rey spins around, lightsaber at the ready again.

But she recognizes the face of the woman who has appeared in the same place her grandmother did. The woman takes off the hood of her long blue coat, revealing blonde hair pulled back into sensible buns just like Rey used to wear.

This is the one that Rey’s been waiting for, for so long. So why does Rey suddenly feel so angry, rather than overjoyed, or better yet, truly remorseful for killing her? With a sigh, Rey clips the lightsaber back to her belt.

“I’m Sidda Zess,” her mother says. “Now you have two more names to choose from.” She holds her daughter’s gaze. “But you’ll soon take your betrothed’s name anyway, won’t you? And you will still be you. My little Rey. I’m so proud of you.”

“No!” Rey is just as shocked by her outburst of rage as her mother is. But it’s true, and it needs to get out. “You don’t get to be proud of me! You _sold_ me to a slaver!”

And Rey sees it in Sidda’s eyes – Ben was not wrong about this. Her parents did sell her into slavery. The sudden pain in her guts brings Rey down to her knees, the water splashing around her. “I guess this was my punishment for attracting Palpatine’s attention,” she says to the water.

“No, Rey, my only child,” Sidda says very close to Rey. Oh. She’s kneeling in the water in front of Rey now. “We wanted to protect you.”

“This is insane!” Rey glares at her mother. “Do you have any idea how hard I had to fight to survive? The hunger, the injuries, the greedy rivals? Lonely as no child should ever be!” Rey inhales deeply. She won’t cry in front of her mother.

“I know,” Sidda says, tears streaming down her face. “It was the hardest decision of my life. When your father and I had to accept that we would never be able to keep you safe from the Sith, this was our last resort. We hoped to save your soul from enslavement to an even worse master. We prayed for the Force to protect you.”

It did, didn’t it? Before Rey even knew it. They had thought this through. They had left her behind intentionally. In fact, they never had any intention to come back for Rey.

“I counted the days until you would return and save me,” Rey says aloud, for the truth is still hard to grasp. Even though she always knew it, deep inside.

“I am so sorry, Rey.” Sidda reaches out her hand as if she wants to touch Rey’s cheek, but Rey flinches, and Sidda hugs herself instead. “But I’m not here to seek forgiveness. I’m here now to give you whatever you desire.”

Rey doesn’t understand, for she needs to apologize, too. “Don’t you know that I killed you, mother?”

“You didn’t.” Sidda holds Rey’s gaze. “The Sith killed us before the accident.”

Something breaks inside Rey’s chest then, something that had been tied too tightly, and her lungs expand freely again. “But what if I _wanted_ to kill you? The darkness inside me has always been strong.” 

Sidda shakes her head and studies the scar on Rey’s arm with something like… no, it’s not pity. It’s admiration. “My baby. I changed your diapers. I knew you before you were able to trick anybody. You’re strong with every aspect of the Force. Every bit of anger you feel, Rey, it has a reason.”

Rey isn’t so sure about that. “I died, mother, and the Force rejected me. Like a Sith.”

Sidda shakes her head again. “This wasn’t a judgment. Your journey just isn’t over yet.”

Rey barely suppresses the urge to roll her eyes.

“And you will do so well,” Sidda continues. “You took good care of yourself and other people, even droids. You are going to be a great mother. It comes to you naturally. I’m happy for you, my grown-up daughter.” Sidda smiles, and Rey doesn’t know what to say.

This is – actually, it’s a good point. Rey wasn’t even aware that she was worried about that. But it’s true.

Rey only knows that she won’t treat her own children like the parental figures in her life did to theirs. She must do better. But she doesn’t know how, or if she even _could_.

And fuck, now Rey’s composure is lost after all, and she’s sobbing in Sidda’s arms. The apparition feels so real and soothing, so much like Rey dreamed of every night when she was a child, yearning to be safe in her mother’s arms again. Finally, she can get all the comfort she had been craving, and she tries to immerse herself in it, so it will last forever.

But something… It’s strange, but… yes, this isn’t enough.

Rey isn’t a child anymore. Hasn’t been for a while. And her mother’s hug is not the most important thing in the world anymore. No. She’s starved for a very different kind of embrace.

So, Rey wipes her tears, stands up, and pulls her mother to her feet, too.

Sidda gazes at her with a knowing smile, as if she’s reading Rey’s mind. Didn’t she say something about being here to give Rey what she needs?

That is easy. “I have to find Ben. Do you know where he is?”

“He’s a part of you,” Sidda says. “More than we are. Don’t you feel it?”

He is. Of course, she feels it. But what does that mean?

“Do you remember when you asked to see us? Now that you no longer search outside of yourself, you will be allowed to enter.”

_Of course!_

This is almost too straightforward, and Rey wants to hug her mother out of sheer joy. But Sidda has already turned around to climb up the rocks into the innermost cascade of the waterfall. Rey follows her right through the veil of water to a tiny pool beyond.

The water shimmers in a hue of emerald green, interspersed with bright spots that seem to rise from the depths. The pool is so deep that Rey can’t see the ground.

Just like her grandmother did before, her mother moves to float over the water.

“Come in, my love,” Sidda says, already fading. “You are the protector of life.”

*

After a while of gazing into the motionless water, Rey must admit that Sidda is gone, too. Damn, if Rey never sees anyone vanish into thin air again, it will be too soon.

But the Force still surrounds her, and when she opens herself up to its incessant flow, she feels it at once. The pull of the cave is right here, in this deep water. It’s pulling her toward itself, just like all this time ago, on Luke’s island.

First, she backs off to call her belongings to her. It takes only a few seconds to put on her boots, shirt, vest, and bag.

Then she’s all set for plunging into dangers unknown again. Maybe one day, she’ll remember to scout and make plans like she used to do on Jakku. Before her recklessness gets her killed.

But the Force is calling her to give herself up to the depths of this pool. To the web of life and death and decay that feeds new life.

And Rey straightens herself at the edge of the abyss, for she has wrought more death than she likes to admit, and it’s time that she contributes new life too.

And there’s only one way to do so.

She dives in.


	5. Healing

When the vortex spits her out, Rey isn’t sure how much time has passed. She can’t remember if she swam or even moved.

She struggles to sit up on her knees and checks her gear. It’s still complete.

She’s soaked. And her braid has come apart, so she tries to comb her hair after wringing it out. With little success.

Only after she’s finished, she becomes aware of her erratic breathing. Her tension is reverberating in the silence, much louder than the rushing of the ocean outside.

But what can she do? This cave has haunted her for so long.

The blind surface of that – it never was a mirror, right? Last time, she saw two shapes, the couple that merged into one another, into a shape that didn’t look like herself at first.

It’s always been clear, and she isn’t going to fail this challenge again.

She checks if the bond is still intact, and yes, it’s okay. It’s here.

Just like she is… she still is.

All of her, this time. Light and dark, peace and violence.

Rey has changed so much, so fast. All these variations of herself that she’s seen here before, maybe they all co-exist within her now. And there still isn’t a full picture of this puzzle. More pieces will follow every time she’s honest with herself – she knows that now.

She’ll know in a minute if she’s already all they need.

She won’t ask to see her parents. She won’t ask to see Ben either. She won’t beg the portal to do anything anymore.

Rey is ready, and she rises.

She starts striding towards the portal on the other side of the pool, and she can't help but rest her hand on the saberstaff at her belt. She’s walking with her eyes closed to visualize the web of the Force around her, and she ties herself into its threads, hooking her hopes and fears and memories into the grid, clinging to the energy between all things, the energy that connects life and –

oh, this booming silence, she knows it so well –

the bond, is it connecting –

her eyes open wide, and Rey wheels around in shock.

The barrier that seemed so solid is behind her. Unbroken.

Everything else is – she stretches her fingers and clenches them, pushing her fingernails into her palms. Feels corporeal. Okay.

She’s alive, then.

And she has walked right out into the endless night of the galaxy.

*

No, this isn’t outer space.

It’s much farther out.

Whatever this is, it beats all enchanted places she has seen. The magic permeates even her clothing, and yes, skin and hair, too, for they are entirely dry now. Strange.

When her eyes have adjusted to the darkness, she realizes that she’s standing on a… bridge... one of many pathways that cross and lead into all directions. Made of invisible… she doesn’t know what to call it. Although it couldn’t be farther from it, the ground feels soft like forest soil, and every step leaves an imprint on the black matter like ripples in a lake.

All the bridges glow with a seam of white light, and she better not test what would happen if she crossed that boundary.

And now she finally notices them. A myriad of circular and triangular shapes, stretching out along the bridges in irregular distances, as far as she can see.

Rey turns back to where she came from, and it’s not the mirror anymore. It’s just another circular shape, adorned with elaborate ornaments that seem to show a host of plants and animals.

Are all these shapes different portals, then?

Her heart sinks. There are so many of them.

She memorizes the Porgs and Thala-sirens on the door to the caretakers’ island, for she’ll have to locate this portal on her way back, right? This was easy enough.

On the next door, though, she can’t identify any of the plants and animals within the ornament, nor can she decode the writing symbols.

Even if she knew where he was, how could she ever hope to find him in this giant space?

Rey walks further into the void, breathing consciously, slowly, to repress the panic trying to choke her. The silence around her swallows every sound she makes, and she can't help but notice how utterly alone she is in here.

“Don’t be afraid of who you are.”

What? Leia? Where is she?

“The halves need to unite, lest they veer into chaos.”

Rey spins around, but she doesn’t see any of the women. The voices have echoed from beneath the bridge, didn’t they? Is she hallucinating?

“You can’t rise when you’re stuck in denial about who you are.”

Would she imagine that voice voluntarily?

“You can’t stop the change any more than you can stop the suns from setting.”

See? She didn’t even recognize that voice.

“Follow your heart, Rey.”

“He’s a part of you.”

Well, maybe they can hear her, too. “I’m looking for Ben Solo! Where is he?” Wait. “Kylo Ren! Please, I need to find him!”

No answer.

What can she do? Rey resumes walking along the bridge. There’s no doubt that it’s her destiny to look for him. Hopefully, it’s also her destiny to find him.

“Ben!” Can’t hurt to try again. “Kylo! Please stop hiding.”

Oh! A Force signature! Is that –

She turns around to peer at the living thing that’s approaching her.

It’s hovering above the bridge she’s standing on, it’s a blob moving fast – no, it’s a swarm of some kind of… the most beautiful blue butterflies, right? Yes, they surround her for a moment, sparkling and buzzing. Stunning and cheeky.

Are they… checking her out? She flashes them a smile.

And when they continue their flight onward, Rey follows along, her heart fluttering in anticipation. The butterflies guide her along the bridges, taking left turns and right turns until finally, they linger in front of a portal like any other.

And when the black matter within the door frame vanishes as if this door had always been open, the butterflies beckon her into the world beyond.

*

The scenery couldn’t be more different, and Rey hardly dares to trust her senses.

But the dewy grass under her boots feels real to her fingertips. When she looks up again, the butterflies are about to disappear into the grove on top of the hill.

But instead of trying to catch up with them, Rey lingers to enjoy the view of the rolling hills around her. Soft clouds of mist are hiding in the long shadows of majestic trees, but the light of the early morning touches her skin with enough power to announce a hot summer day to come.

On her way up across the meadow, Rey listens into the Force. This landscape is teeming with life, of course. But all the living things are tiny and busy and not conscious enough to answer where she is.

No, this isn’t just a grove. Every tree, every bush, almost all of them seem to bear fruit. She loves it. Another instance of the mind-boggling fact that some plants provide delicious nourishment to the moving species.

Is this a garden? There’s no path, and she can’t make out any pruning or growth supports. If there is any kind of protective enclosure, she must be well inside it.

Rey has never seen an orchard like this before. The sheer abundance of berries, nuts, and shapes she can’t even name, in all the hues imaginable, it’s like a dream come true for a hungry scavenger girl. She cautiously touches and smells a few of them, and her stomach rumbles in response.

But Rey hesitates because she knows that even the sweetest fruit can be dangerous. She learned that the hard way, with the Shadow Grapes. No, the Force didn’t send her here for her to disgrace herself with her feral ravenousness again.

The butterflies have disappeared, and she’ll just explore a bit further.

Soon, she has reached the edge of the woods, overlooking another expansive meadow that slopes down towards what could well be a river, hedged by smaller trees and bushes along its course.

An ancient sprawling tree catches her eye, which seems to stand sentinel over the orchard from its place in the first row of trees.

Its branches take up as much space as the Millennium Falcon would, winding close to the ground and high up into the air in a glorious spectacle of curves and stretches, an army of whitish-green leaves glittering in the breeze. It looks vital. And sage. Maybe it has some answers for her?

She sits down and leans backs against the giant trunk. She should reach out to the Force again, so maybe it will show her where the butterflies –

Oh, what –

she’s on her feet in a heartbeat –

at the far end of the meadow, is it – is it –

and wild triumph surges through her at the sight of him.

*

And then her stomach drops as if she’s falling, and the familiar instinct to sprint away twitches through her.

For he should be angry.

Was it right to come? What will he do?

Rey forces herself to stand still and await his verdict.

He’s striding towards her relentlessly. Irresistibly.

His gaze is fixed on her with the vulnerable determination she’s never seen the equal of in anyone else. There’s the shadow of pain on his face, but a touch of joy, too. Almost as if against his will.

He’s more mesmerizing than ever.

Rey’s heart is pounding wildly, like an animal raging against its cage, and that must be the cause of the sweat breaking out all over her skin, and then he’s _here_ , and the hint of a smile forms on the corner of his mouth.

“So soon?” His voice is still as deep but gentler than she’s ever heard, and she’s so breathless that she can’t even answer.

It seems like the only body parts she still controls are her eyes; she can do nothing but drink him in.

Is she dreaming? He’s just too gorgeous to be true.

And holy shit, the way he’s gazing back at her – her cheeks flush hotly under the piercing intensity of his deep brown eyes.

No, his eyes are black like the galaxy.

No doubt about it. Rey has seen him look at her like that before. And this time, she’s ready to admit it. She’s known what this means for some time now. And she wants it exactly as much as he does.

And suddenly, she isn’t anxious anymore. She’s ravenous for his lips. His skin. Everything about him.

When she looks up into his eyes again, she discovers that his gaze has dropped to her lips, likewise, and this is it – Rey puts her heart and soul into flinging her arms around his neck –

no –

no, no, no –

He’s wheeled around in horror, too. “What’s –”

She tries it again – tries to get rid of the desperate scream stuck in her throat.

He tries it, too – to no avail.

They pass right through each other as if they were ghosts, and Rey’s stomach clenches, and her cheeks feel wet again.

*

Rey pinches her arm, and ouch, yes, she’s not dreaming. Ben repeats her experiment on his own skin, and he nods, too. They both feel tangible to themselves but not to one another.

“What the fuck,” he groans, “will this bullshit never end?”

And she agrees with her whole heart, if without words, for it seems she’s dumbstruck permanently, reduced to sighing and crying.

He _looks_ corporeal.

Stunning, to be exact.

At least, she’ll be able to consider him more sensibly after this wild elation has reverted to the former state of desperate longing.

He looks much more unscathed than she does. The angry scrapes on his beautiful face have disappeared, and wait, even the scar she had dealt him is gone without a trace. Did he really emerge without a single injury from the fight with the Knights of Ren… and whatever happened after the Force drain? Hard to believe. But he’s standing tall, and he’s been walking without a limp. _Something_ must have healed him.

There's nothing to complain about his clothes either. This new outfit… still all black but so much more lightweight than the stiff layers he used to hide under. His soft-looking tunic even reveals a bit of pale skin at the open collar. The hem of the shirt is tucked in neatly, and at the end of the long sleeves, his strong hands are bare, freed from the confines of gloves. His pants show off his muscular thighs in a tight fit, complemented by knee-high boots. The metallic clasp on his sleek holster belt reflects the sunlight, and he even owns a blaster now.

When her painfully obvious once-over has returned to his eyes, he raises his eyebrows at her, and the hint of a smile is back.

Come on, as if he hadn’t been doing the same in the meantime. Rey hopes she looks better to him than she feels like, with her tangled hair and worn clothes. But she isn’t sorry for appreciating his striking physique, and she flashes him a grin through her tears.

The familiar craving to sink her fingers into his luscious hair makes her hands clench into fists.

This is torture. Why, oh, why are they being punished so cruelly?

“Are you…” Her voice hardly cooperates. “Are you…”

_Say it._

“Are you dead?”

Ben shrugs. “About as dead as you are, I suppose.”

What?

Wait. She doesn’t know, does she?

Maybe her body did dissolve in that cave on Ahch-To, just as his body did on Exegol. Maybe she’s dead.

No.

Her body is still… she still feels exactly the same. Definitely more frustrated though.

“Rey, what’s wrong?” He’s eyeing her from head to toe again, more warily this time, as if he expects to discover lethal injuries that are still bleeding.

Well, the only blood on her skin isn’t lethal for sure. “I didn’t… “ She shakes her head to clear her mind of the ridiculous digression. “I mean, I think I’m… not dead. I just knew I had to come and find you.”

 _To apologize._ _To tell you how much I love you._

If only she knew how to put that into words, or maybe imply it into their bond somehow. She would be so much more comfortable if she could convey her meaning on a physical level, at first, at least. Oh, she’d better not think about that _ache_ all through her.

_Say it._

When she looks up into his eyes again, she’s taken aback by the blank astonishment on his face. Did he have no idea –

Wait, no, he couldn’t have heard her thoughts.

What, did he really believe she was _dead_?

What dimension of reality is this? Do they need to run?

“Ben, can you leave this place at will?”

He shakes his head. “Not the one time I tried. The Force made it clear that it wanted me to stay.” He takes a step closer to her, his astonishment transformed into urgency. “This is without precedent, Rey. No living thing has ever managed to find someone who was taken from their timeline.” 

Okay then, he still enjoys talking in riddles. Well, Rey still has to get to the point, herself. She should.

“I won’t leave without you,” she says instead, though.

Damn it! Why can’t she just come out with her little confession and _say it_? ~~~~

And what’s up with _him_? He opens his mouth, then closes it again. Finally, he whispers to the ground, “I don’t deserve it.” 

“Then neither do I,” Rey retorts, for oh, this is so much easier! “Ben, you told me all along. The dark side is in our nature.” He looks up at her in surprise. “So much darkness, I know that now.”

But he doesn't take heart from her words. He paces a few times, rubbing his temples with his hands, until he comes to a standstill close to the ancient tree, supporting himself with a clenched fist upon the bark.

Although he’s facing away, his utter dejection is unmistakable, and Rey yearns to comfort him with a hug. But she can’t reach him. He doesn’t even notice her attempt.

Looks like they’re going to have to talk this out, for once.

Rey sighs, for she wouldn’t be good at this, even if anyone had ever tried to teach her. Maybe she should provoke him to take the lead, for he’s so much better with words. But how?

Okay. There’s no option but honesty.

“Kylo,” she says, in the most assertive voice she can muster.

He startles and turns around to look at her. Good.

“I’m so sorry that I stabbed you on Kef Bir. I _killed_ you. I know it’s impossible to beg forgiveness for such an unforgivable crime, but I do regret what I did to you, and I promise that I will never attack you again.”

He just shrugs as if to say, _so what else is new_ , and damn, that hurts. “I deserved it, Rey.”

“You did not!” How messed up is that? Her flash of anger gives way to a wave of nausea. “Yes, you kept withholding the Wayfinder, like everything I wanted, but I wanted to _hurt_ you for annoying me.”

Ben frowns as if he’s trying to understand what she means.

“When you forced me to my knees, just as _I_ deserved, I disgraced myself with petty revenge.” It’s her turn to pace up and down now, and she consciously unclenches her fists before tapping her chest. “And it wasn’t the first time I tried to _murder_ you. How can I ever make amends?”

“Don’t you know, Rey?” He looks at her gently. Much too gently. “You already did.” A pause. “I caused the dark side in you.” 

“You did not.” In fact, no one has ever pushed her buttons like he did – but this darkness is hers. “You didn’t create my dark side. It has always been within me.”

He’s listening so intently that she can’t help but continue to explain what still feels so new to her, herself. “I was in denial because I… I believed that only as a Jedi could I help people. I was ashamed of my true desires. I was scared of you. But now I see that denial only makes it worse.”

Rey feels like stripping down to the naked truth of her soul, and Ben… Ben just gazes at her with some dreamy sort of satisfaction in his pitch-black eyes.

He’s the only one who ever understood her, anyway. “You knew me better than I did. But even you wouldn’t guess the full extent of what I’ve done. It was so hard to accept it as a part of me. But I did. Just like you always wanted.”

Rey stops close to him, and he tenses as if bracing for a touch, and if she could take his hands, she would. “I will also accept the dark side in _you_. And I had always known about your light, too, even before you proved it beyond any doubt.”

“I did?” His lips quirk up again, although the smile doesn’t quite make it through.

“After everything I did to you, you showed up to help me anyway.” She pauses to let her own smile unfold. “Even though you did take your sweet time for your grand entrance. I was only a heartbeat away from becoming all the Sith, you know.”

Ben lays a hand upon his heart with a straight face – but he’s teasing her back, isn’t he? “You’re welcome, sweetheart.”

Rey can’t believe it, and her heart swells just as her smile does.

And yet, she has to ruin the mood. For he seems to be proud of his unbelievably stupid stunt. “And then, you gave me every last flicker of your Living Force, is that right?”

“Of course,” he says as if it wasn’t a big deal. “You died, but your body was still there. The Force clearly wanted me to bring you back. I did what I had to do.”

“Idiot!” Oh, how she wants to shake him! “That was sheer suicide! Don’t you dare do that again!”

The barest hint of a grin flashes across his face. “We’ll see.”

But this isn’t funny. “Thanks for leaving me behind, _Kylo_. It was a fucking nightmare.”

“It seemed like a dream to me.” His playful mood is gone as if she’d only imagined it. He swallows and takes a step back from her. “Everything you did. You turned me.”

He’s so annoying! “You turned _yourself_ , Ben. It was your choice alone.”

“No,” he snarls.

“But that’s –“ stunned, she stops. For Ben has just pressed his finger across his lips, then pointed it at her. Rey’s breath catches in her throat at his undisguised irritation.

Damn, this sight shouldn’t have sent such a delicious throbbing into her. She hopes he didn’t notice.

Oh, Rey really needs to shut up and hear him out. So, to give him space, she retreats until her back hits… the ancient tree, and she braces on the solid wood with her palms, exploring its texture to keep her hands occupied. Not thinking about how hot he is, not at all.

And then Ben locks eyes with her, and she stops fidgeting.

“Your dark ancestry,” he says, “it felt like the best gift I’ve ever got in my life. I needed you to turn to the dark side, for no one has ever wanted me in the light.”

“Ben, that’s not –“

“You’ve been rejecting me for a whole year, Rey.”

Yes. Right. She’s stupid. “I’m sorry,” she says, looking down and leaning back again.

“But then you said you wanted to be with _Ben_ , that loser,” he says.

Wait, what?

“The failure who was such a disappointment to his family that they would rather see him dead.”

Oh, Ben. She can see where he’s coming from.

“Darth Vader, on the other hand, my grandfather –” he looks at her and yes, she knew that – “he talked to me through the mask that Snoke gave me. He was proud of Kylo Ren.” A bitter laugh escapes his lips before he presses them together. “I’m such a fool. It was Palpatine. He was in my head for as long as I can remember. I believed all the lies he told me.”

“What the hell?” Rey can’t suppress her horror, and Ben massages his forehead with his large hand as if trying to get rid of a headache.

Did Palpatine abuse Ben since Ben was a little _boy_? Why didn’t his family… his cursed uncle _must_ have noticed, right? Why didn’t they protect their _son_? Oh, if only she had known that before! She’ll confront them about it if they ever dare to appear to her again! This outrageous family!

And to think she had envied Ben – no, she had _hated_ him for throwing away his family. A fresh wave of nausea rushes through her.

“Ben…” Rey realizes too late that she’s not sure how to continue. “They should have protected you.”

“I believed Palpatine’s voices. My parents believed me.” He pretends not to care much, and Rey’s heart breaks for him.

And this is probably not even half of what happened to Ben. If that’s how his own family treated him, what did the dark side do to him?

And his light survived it all.

He’s the most impressive man in the galaxy, for sure, and Rey’s hands stretch out over the tree’s bark again.

“The only time I did not believe it was when Palpatine told me the truth. How could I have been betrayed again? And so much worse?” He pauses to gaze at her, and she tries not to drown in his eyes. “But then I saw what the dark side made you do and how you hated yourself for it. And then you said you wanted Ben. I finally understood. You turned me.”

“I did not! I never could!” Oh, when will he come to his senses? “That’s why I couldn’t join you on the Supremacy!”

His eyebrows arch as if he didn’t know.

She can’t believe it. “Didn’t you see how much I just wanted to be with _you_? From the moment we touched hands, Ben!”

He didn’t? Seriously?

Rey steps closer to him. “I could feel you, right under that mask of Kylo Ren. But you insisted there is nothing to you but this dark ambition. You tried to hide everything else from me, the _blinding_ light that is just as true.”

He looks down.

“You were hiding it from yourself,” she adds. “But then you came and saved me.”

When he meets her eyes again, he nods. “Your conflict on the Death Star – it was the same as mine. I don’t wish it on you. I need to be free of it.”

“This was all of you, Ben! Kylo. You made that choice on your own.”

He’s eying her as if he can’t trust his ears. “I wish I could be but half as heroic as you imagine, Rey.”

“Half as… what?” She’s not sure whether she wants to laugh or cry. “Ben, that moment when we locked eyes across the bond – when I first saw you, the whole of you, the most stunning sight in the galaxy! How could I ever love you more?” She smiles through her tears and spreads her arms. “And here I am, to get you back. I’m so selfish my grandfather would be proud. You’re mine, Ben Solo.”

Damn it, she’s been carried away, and the more she becomes aware of what she just said, the more her cheeks flush.

But she shouldn’t be ashamed for wanting what she wants anymore, and she should make her grandmother proud.

He’s staring at her with wide eyes, and she can’t bear his silence, so she turns around to the tree. A blossom catches her eye, and she pulls down the twig it’s on to study it closer.

_Say it._

She takes a deep breath. “And even when you were still insisting on being Supreme-Leader-of-frustration… I dreamed about you… a lot,” she says to the blossom.

He gasps behind her, and she peeks at him over her shoulder.

The cutest blush covers his face, and neck, too.

Well, she feels uncomfortably hot, too, and she has to let go of the blossom lest she crushes it.

It’s true, then. “The bond.”

He’s so close that she should be feeling his breath on her neck. “I didn’t understand why you didn’t talk to me again. Like we did before,” he says, and her eyes close in the agony of regret. “I didn’t understand. When we still moved so perfectly in harmony.”

Oh. _Harmony_.

She had always known what happened to the things she’d found ripped and broken on the floor when she woke.

She just couldn’t – did they really – so does this count, did they already…?

She should have known.

She should have known from the most dreamlike, fake-seeming fact – from the way that Kylo had always held her with gentle caresses, eventually.

It has always been all of him.

And it’s clear from the look on Ben’s face – he knows it, too.

She squeezes her eyes shut again. So stupid. So much time wasted.

She turns around, and this is torture, here where they cannot touch, as much as her hands itch to land on his solid chest again. His perfect neck, his gorgeous hair. The raw hunger in his eyes.

It’s not just a wish. It’s a necessity. They must come together.

“I’m sorry, Ben.” Her voice comes out much shakier than she intended. “Please don’t leave me alone again.”

He nods, so very close to her. “I’ll always come back for you, Rey.”

And this is everything she wants, and she can’t have any of it.

But then, Rey’s useless hand grazes the lightsaber hilt by accident, and inspiration strikes to spin away from him, out into the meadow. Another selfish act to confess. A time as good as any other.

*

The saberstaff hilt unfolds to its full length with a satisfying snap, and the golden plasma blade ignites with a triumphant hum. Rey twirls it for maximum effect and doesn’t hide the proud smile that’s summoned by his rapturous response.

On impulse, she beckons him to follow and starts her fastest training routine. She races down the hill, leaping and somersaulting and spinning, while the lightsaber cuts nothing but fresh air, purring contentedly. Ben’s keeping up effortlessly, of course.

At the bottom of the valley, she leaps across the lovely brook that’s bordered by a few scattered bushes and trees. She extinguishes the blade and turns around to face Ben, who has stopped on the other side of the water.

Then, Rey detaches the hinge and sends Ben’s half over to him with the Force.

He raises his sword arm in slow motion as if he were afraid of scaring it away if he so much as breathed.

They are both holding their breath, half-sure the lightsaber will pass right through him.

But it solidifies in his cautious grasp. Rey doesn’t understand why, but she’ll gladly accept any help the Force deigns to bestow upon them.

“How did you know?”

How did she know what? The thought passes unanswered, though, because now he’s struggling to ignite it. The pouty disappointment on his face when it, predictably, doesn’t work – oh, he’s too cute.

Rey leaps back across the brook and walks up to him until she’s so close she could touch him. But again, she uses the Force to offer him the half of the crystal she’s been safekeeping for him. It’s still pulsating with red anger. “I hope you don’t mind that I took it. It was calling me.”

He looks at her lightsaber, and she confirms his suspicion about the other half’s whereabouts with a nod.

“I threw it away,” he says, torn between curiosity and reluctance, but he plucks the crystal from the air eventually.

“Yeah, you would. I suggest you heal it instead.” She steps out into the meadow to practice the angles of attack as quickly as she can, and the blade’s path becomes blurred in golden sparks. “It’s so beautiful, don’t you think?”

But the expression on his face has changed from admiration to dejection. He sinks down by the riverside, contemplating the cracked stone in his hand. “I killed my father with this.”

“I know.” Rey deactivates her lightsaber and sits down on her knees beside him.

His eyes seem watery, and she has to blink, too. “I killed _you_ with this,” she says. “And we both felt the same, didn’t we?” She feels rather than sees his eyes on her. “Heartbroken. Delusional. A split second later…“ She swallows.

“The agony of regret,” he finishes for her.

“You forgave me. Do you think…” Damn, she shouldn’t have said that.

But he’s already thinking about the unsaid. “He forgave me, too,” he finally declares with a lot more confidence than she thought possible a moment ago. “Han forgave me.”

How can this feel so true? ~~~~

“Now we have to learn how to forgive ourselves,” Rey whispers.

Ben peers at her as if he were the only one still struggling with guilt even after being forgiven.

“I killed a lot of people, too.” Ben wants to protest, but Rey needs to confess. “Maybe not as many as you did, in total. But I killed my grandfather. Also, both of my parents.”

“You did not – ”

“I blew up their transport with my Force lightning when they left me on Jakku. I didn’t know they were already dead. Maybe they weren’t.” This still hurts badly. “Do you still want me?”

Ben’s features soften into compassion. “Of course,” he says, “Rey –“

“And I want you, just as much. For I know you are sorry, and there’s good in you, and you will make amends.”

His eyes are clear again, but his sadness isn’t overcome yet. This isn’t just the light in him – it’s his darkness, too. The pain, the utter hopelessness, and not all of it is his fault. Some of this darkness was created by people that should have protected him. It would be wrong not to acknowledge that truth as well.

“Maybe we can even learn how to forgive our parents.” He looks up at her in surprise, so she explains what she means. “For abandoning us, as if we were defective.”

He considers her words with a slow nod, and Rey can’t help but share another recent epiphany. “Ben. Let’s no longer yearn for parents. Let’s just do better.”

“Let’s forget about… legacy?” Ben suggests. He frowns, and then the hint of a smile returns to his lips. “I want to be nothing.”

“But not to me,” Rey retorts, breaking into a smile herself. “I never cared about your lineage, Prince of Alderaan.”

Is he _chuckling_? Her mind feels like melting, and that must be why she’s trying to grab his hand again. It doesn’t work, but she still makes the promise. “We won’t repeat their mistakes.” For of course, _of course_ , they will show their children how much they love them. All the time. “We will do better with –”

Wait. She’s talking too much in her own head. Easy now.

Looking at his lips instead of babbling wasn’t the most brilliant diversion, though. Her desperate longing for his touch is throbbing like a physical wound again.

She shouldn’t be so mesmerized by the way Ben swallows and clears his throat. “Did you,” he says. “When you… when we kissed. Did you perchance… see anything?”

Rey’s heart stutters.

Of course. Just another detail she didn’t allow herself to remember.

If she had, while he was gone, she would have broken into a thousand pieces. Even now, while he’s anchoring her with his bottomless gaze, it’s still a struggle to keep it together.

“Just some kids playing tag in a field,” she says as if it’s no big deal at all.

And there it finally is – Ben’s smile, it’s _dazzling_ , just as she remembers. “Dark manes, hazel eyes in all of them.”

Rey can’t hold back her tears any longer. This is just too much to bear.

“That must mean we’re going to get out of here, don’t you think?” Ben says softly.

“Yeah,” she whispers, for it _should_ be true.

And then Ben gets up and moves uphill into the meadow. He breaks into a run and turns a somersault into the air, coming to rest in a graceful meditation pose high above the ground. His face glows with the most handsome expression of blissful serenity, and oh, Rey can hardly breathe out of sheer awe.

In a matter of seconds, the kyber crystal cradled in his hand pulses and flares and turns a most beautiful golden hue, the same as hers.

What, so fast?

No way he has sucked out all that pain so quickly.

No, but maybe he has chosen the other way –

and does that mean –

she hopes this means –

and he opens his eyes and gazes at her with so much longing and –

Her lips give away what she’s hoping for by relaxing into a giddy smile, and he returns to his feet and starts laughing, quietly at first, until she joins in – and he’s still looking at her, returning to her, and they’re laughing louder, louder still until tears of joy are running down their faces.

*

Rey lets herself topple over backward into the grass, and the moment she’s supine, something lands on her chest with a thud. Oh, it’s only some kind of fruit, orange-colored, as big as her fist, all soft skin, and sweet smell.

Her stomach rumbles at the temptation, but she hesitates, doubtful whether it’s edible.

“Go ahead. It’s very nutritious,” Ben says, sitting down beside her underneath the bushes by the riverside.

It’s delicious, and she’s been hungrier than she realized. When she finally notices the amusement on his face, she stops mid-bite. “What?”

“Glad to see you’re still a scavenger.” How can a grin be both so stunning and so infuriating? “Although your days of lonely suicide missions are over, now that you’re mine.” He leans even closer. “Right?”

She’s almost dropped the fruit. “You bet,” she whispers.

He nods with satisfaction, and then he considers the lightsaber hilt and the crystal in his hands. She watches him closely, ready to take over if necessary.

But no, he uses the Force to insert the crystal into its housing just like he should do. Elegantly and efficiently, to be exact. Nothing like the mess he made of his former weapon.

And then, he gets up and doesn’t even hesitate to ignite the lightsaber for the first time. Rey wasn’t worried either – only curious if the blade’s color would be the same as hers.

It is, and the golden glow in his hand sparkles like sunlight on a lake.

*

Ben leaps over the brook and beckons her to follow him. She does, unable to take her eyes off him for even a second. Nothing matters more than watching this man train with this lightsaber for the first time, as smoothly as if he had been born with it.

So graceful. Powerful. Intense.

And did he just answer the saber’s hum with a purr of his own? Holy shit.

He must have heard her gasp, for he turns around to check if there’s a problem.

Okay, she’d better hide her blush and stop drooling over him behind his back. She forces herself to have a good look at the surroundings they’ve arrived at in the meantime, instead.

They have moved uphill again, towards another hilltop overlooking the rolling hills all around them. This grove looks very similar to the first one. Here’s even another bush bearing more of the fruit she’s already tasted.

“It’s so beautiful here,” she says around another mouthful, not very cleverly. “I mean, what’s the name of this garden, do you know?”

“Not sure,” Ben says without pausing his moves. “Naboo has a lot of different landscapes, and I’ve never been to this particular spot before.”

This is Naboo? The place their grandparents left? How anyone could wish to leave a paradise like this is beyond her. That is, as long as they were granted to stay as living things.

“This place feels so real,” she says between bites.

“It is real,” Ben replies. “People live here. I shook hands with the trader at the outpost. After I cleared his well in exchange for the clothing.”

Okay. Okay, he has been busy here, of course. Maybe that’s why he didn’t answer her calls in the bond. She won’t allow herself to be upset about this anymore. She won’t, so she tries to fit in with the light mood instead. “I did notice you left your outfit behind.”

“Not exactly my idea,” he grins back. “I don’t know why I was so lucky, but my body felt as good as new, and I found that outpost, and I found that portal that wouldn’t let me pass, and then my grandfather found me.”

“Darth Vader?” Her outburst was louder than intended.

Ben nods, still moving with the lightsaber. “He came in the form of the man he was before his fall to the dark side. His take on my situation was rather… interesting. I have a lot of things to think about.”

And so does she. “Can I help?”

He’s stopped in front of her. “You already did, Rey. Your reaction when I did something good, for once – it was so much more than I dared hope for.”

She’s still shocked to hear him talk about himself like that. About Ben Solo, the most desirable man in the galaxy! “Much less than I want to give.”

“I’m starting to see that now.” Ben puts his lightsaber away, refusing to acknowledge his own blush. “I should have died.”

No! Rey shakes her head and huffs, but Ben continues calmly. “This aspect of the myth has already proven true. Neither one of us can die while the other is alive. The only way for us to join the Force is together.”

Her lack of comprehension must show on her face, for he tilts his head. “But you’ve already destroyed my theory about how we meet again.” He throws his hands up. “I thought that searching for you within this universe wouldn’t make sense, for this can’t be our original timeline. My only hope was to figure out a way to contact you across the temporal rift. Failing that, I couldn’t have done anything but wait for you… to die.”

Oh?

“Yet here you are, alive.” He looks at her quizzically. Then, understanding dawns. “You didn’t know?”

Well. Exactly. Temporal… rift?

She’s never seen him that openly incredulous before, not even when she stabbed him. “Did you even come here through the World between Worlds?”

Is that what the starry pathways are called? So… maybe?

“How did you even cross over the vergence? Did you just jump in headlong?”

She shrugs, for that’s uncannily close to what she did. “I knew I had to get to you, idiot. As quickly as possible. I _chose_ to.”

Ben shakes his head as if he’s doubting his senses.

“It’s far less crazy suicidal than what you have done,” Rey counters. Now that did sound offended, even to herself.

When she looks up again, he’s so close to her, and it’s _annoying_ how his beseeching gaze deflates all her anger.

“You’re unbelievable,” he says softly. “You… you already reign over time and space, Rey. Don’t you see?”

What is he talking about?

“The Force itself brought you here,” Ben rephrases. “You must see this, at least.”

And he smiles _again._ He smiles as if he’s never been happier. And Rey’s poor heart doesn’t know how to deal. It twists and jerks and tries to tear free of its confines. The Force brought her here for a _reason_.

This is fucking _torture_.

Her appetite is gone, so she deposits the remainder of the fruit on the ground. “Why does the Force punish us so harshly?”

He’s surprised. “Punishing us? No, Rey… This is our second chance to get this right.”

Now it’s her turn to be stunned. Who would have thought that Ben Solo was more optimistic than Rey? “What do we have to change?”

“I told you. We’re a Dyad in the Force,” Ben announces with the air of absolute conviction. “But we’ve not been acting like it.”

No, they certainly didn’t. And how could she, when she still doesn’t know what that thing is supposed to mean? “I tried to read up on it, but I didn’t get far.”

His triumphant grin proves that he, on the other hand, knows every last thing about it. “Tell me what you know, eager padawan.”

She giggles at his tease, but she does remember the prophecy, of course. _“The Sith believe that in the same year a whole star system is extinguished by the blink of an eye, a Dyad will rise. Their soul will conquer space and time. Joined in the dark, they will wield a power as strong as life itself. Nobody will be able to defy their Force.”_

“Well said.” Ben nods with satisfaction. “But it’s not _power_. Master Elrond translated that wrong. They will wield a _light_ as strong as life itself.”

Recognition races through her like lightning –

 _this_ is it.

That’s what was missing from her vision.

The light. It should have been golden.

Her breath hitches and her eyes fixate on their new lightsabers. On the golden twin flames.

Rey glances at Ben, and he challenges her to come at him. She complies with much more caution than ever before – but when the blades should clash and lock, they just pass through one another like ghosts.

They try out different approaches, different levels of pressure – but the result doesn’t change. Finally, Rey growls in frustration, and Ben responds with an irritated sigh.

“We’ll just have to wait and see,” Ben concedes. He puts his lightsaber away, and Rey follows his lead. “Together, we should be invincible if we truly act as one. Remember Palpatine’s Force storm that he fueled with our Living Force? That was but an inkling of our full potential.”

Rey isn’t quite so convinced yet. But okay, the Force did work a lot of miracles in the last few days, didn’t it?

“We’re going to wipe him from the face of Exegol,” Ben adds with a vicious gleam to his eye. “Rey of Jakku, will you join me this time, against the Sith Eternal?”

“What?” Isn’t he interpreting their second chance a bit too literally here?

“We have to unite against Palpatine, Rey.” A hint of impatience flashes over his face. “As I’ve been saying this whole time. The Dyad is more powerful than the two of us combined, but this power doesn’t unfold without our choice to join.”

“But…” Is he finally going crazy? “How… how could we go into the past?”

“The World between Worlds will lead us where we need to be,” Ben says as if this were a fact well known. “If we are the Dyad, the Force will guide us across space and time.”

Okay then. They can’t stay here, anyway, so why not join his madness?

Wait.

“If we went back and fought that battle again, we would put everyone else at risk again, too, right?” He agrees. “We can’t do that! What if even more people die? What if the Sith win this time?”

“A certain risk remains,” Ben admits with a relaxed face. “I can’t see the future. Can you?”

She searches his face for irony, but he’s serious. But no, except for the occasional vision, the Force hasn’t gifted Rey with any power of foresight that may or may not exist.

“However, I have studied every fragment I could find about the Dyad. If we are the Dyad of the prophecy, we’re going to win.” He fixes his gaze on her. “I think we are.” His fingers stretch out towards hers before he remembers and clenches them into fists.

Fuck.

Rey doesn’t want to gamble their hard-won victory. She doesn’t want to put her friends’ lives at risk again. She doesn’t want to face that monster’s mind games, nor ever see Ben’s body fade again.

On the other hand, the Force did allow Ben to bring Rey back from death, which shouldn’t have been possible in the first place. A moment later, it showed them these glimpses of their future. And it led her here, eventually. It’s almost as if the Force itself was paving the way for a different ending, right?

And in conclusion, there is only one thing she does want.

Fuck, she’s too selfish and volatile to be entrusted with so much power over so many lives. Then again, it was the Force that endowed her so outrageously. Now it’s going to have to deal with the consequences.

“Let’s go be selfish,” Rey says shakily, for her stomach feels queasy. o“I really want to kiss you again.” She tries to smile.

“Rey.” He frowns. “We’re not doing this for _us_.” Her wariness must show on her face, for he’s staring at her in concern. “We’re doing it because we _have to_. It is our _duty_ to the galaxy.”

What does he mean? The people of the galaxy have already won their victory.

Ben is pacing, whereas she crosses her arms, trying to relax.

“I’d be astonished if your gang of traitors had even started effective peace negotiations by now.”

She must have misheard.

“What will they use as leverage?” The edges of Ben’s mouth twitch. Is he _teasing_ her? “The First Order only dispatched a vanguard to Exegol. The fleet is still out there.”

Damn, he’s probably right. No need for the scowl on her face to soften, though.

“Most likely, the First Order are reforming their structure right now. And the most corrupt Senators will be pressing their claims, as per usual. Every battle yields new populations to enslave under the cloak of protection, no matter which side wins. And your murderer friends – the so-called Resistance killed a lot of people, too. This didn’t make you popular with their families. They will be calling for justice.”

And as much as Rey hates to admit it, this does sound plausible. Painfully so.

“Winning one battle will never be enough. You have to get rid of the warmongers and the profiteers.” Ben’s eyes glitter as if this is a dream come true for him.

“I know their machinations. And they fear me. They are going to fear you, too, as soon as you unleash your true power.” He paces faster. “This is a terrific opportunity, better even than back on the Supremacy. The Final Order will be able to quell any mutiny! We’ll get rid of the weapon dealers and slavers and fucking billionaires at the same time!”

What does he mean? Didn’t he want her to join the First Order on the Supremacy? She didn’t – oh, this is still too much for her right now.

“Why not just start with peace?” That’s what they need the most, right? “Let’s bring you back as Supreme Leader, to start these negotiations with the Resistance. Bring peace to the galaxy.”

“Alright, let’s start with the hardest thing of all.” His quick smirk causes her to flush and bristle, but as soon as he notices her anger, his expression softens into a sincere apology. “No, I do cherish your optimism, Rey. I know it has saved me several times over.”

He paces away, hands clenched again. “I know everything that’s wrong with the galaxy, and I will tear it all down – but I don’t have any idea what to rebuild in its place.”

“I don’t know either,” Rey admits. He cares so much, but she… she still struggles with talking to just one person at a time.

“But someone will know,” she adds on impulse when she sees his disappointment. “We should ask all the people of the galaxy. The normal people. Not the generals and politicians. Only the people who are taking care of everyday life. They will know what they need to live peacefully.”

Ben considers her words and nods. “The Senators are going to throw a fit.” He grins at her with roguish delight. “Yes. A worthy cause for the Dyad for sure.”

Whoa. Is this… finally… is this _doing the right thing?_

“Moreover, I think we should try and come up with a proper battle strategy, this time.” A self-deprecating smile appears on his face, and yes, they really, _really_ should utilize their military training, for once. “And we have to figure out how to make sure Palpatine will stay dead this time around.”

What? “But I killed him, and all the Sith died with him!” Wait, or did they already…? “Please tell me he’s still dead, Ben.”

Ben shrugs. “Vader threw him into a fiery void, and yet he returned. We don’t know how, so how can we be sure he’s not doing it again?”

Yes, this must stop for good. Rey doesn’t want to spend her life fighting a perpetually reborn Darth Sidious. They have to find a solution. Or create it.

_Let the past die. Kill it if you have to._

“Ben,” she says, “Is there another way to the Force? Neither Jedi nor Sith?”

Some sort of relief seems to whiz through him, although he tries to shield it from her. As if he was… hoping for her to ask? As if he has been waiting for this, for so long.

“The Gray Jedi claimed there is,” he says, while his features relax into a perfect calm. “They were considered traitors by the Jedi Council because they integrated the dark side of the Force as well as the light side. They had a code.”

And just like that, he conjures forth a small comm from his pocket, and Rey’s jaw drops. Looks like she has to give him more credit for his proficiency in bartering. And advance planning.

Rey has never read the projection in Aurebesh before, but strangely, it feels as if she already knows the lines. They resonate in her heart, her mind, her blood. In the Force around her.

_“Flowing through all, there is balance._

_There is no peace without a passion to create._

_There is no passion without peace to guide._

_Knowledge blinds without the strength to act._

_Power blinds without the serenity to see._

_There is freedom in life. There is purpose in death._

_The Force is all things and I am the Force.”_

“We’re not bound to either of them,” Ben adds. “We can establish our own code. We should.”

“It feels like a good start. Like us.” He gazes at her, and what can she do but smile back? “Passion and compassion. It’s both, in both of us. The whole of us.”

“We are both, and we are one.” Ben’s eyes are deep like the ocean.

Rey is drowning in them. “This could be how we win.”

He swallows thickly and gestures with his hands, to the left and the right and up and down. “Sometimes doing the right thing doesn’t mean following a straight line.” His eyes glisten, but no tears fall.

Rey nods, for she understands it now. “I’ve always acted on the darkness within me, but without understanding it. Without guidance… or acceptance. And who knows what else I may have inherited from the Palpatine line, besides the lightning? You saw me. I’m a danger to friend and foe when the dark side overwhelms me.” She tries for an ironic smile but fails, for she isn’t over the horrible shock the Force lightning has left in her soul. “Can you teach me… how to wield it safely?”

“Of course.” He’s crying as openly as she is now, and she understands. It must be because of all of it at the same time, pain and relief and fear and hope. “Don’t be afraid.”

Yes, she’s still afraid.

But he’s not.

He invites her into his mind through the bond, and… he’s struck with awe, so happy that she has finally, _finally_ accepted her true potential. He’s relieved, so _relieved_ that she’s willing to give it a try, despite her reservations, which he understands so very well, too. He feels genuinely hopeful, confident even, for the first time in years.

And Rey allows herself to be infused with his infectious enthusiasm for a while.

But what if – Rey still isn’t quite ready yet, is she? “Ben, what if… what if the dark side overpowers me again? What if I can’t find my way back to the light?”

“I’ll help you. We’ll train before we leave.” Ben’s smile has gained even more radiance than before. “The key to using the Force lies in your trust that you can do it. That you belong to the Force and the Force to you. I think you already know that.”

She does, of course. And there’s no reason to start doubting it now. A lot of things she’s trusted her gut feelings on have turned out fine.

And this reminds her of something important. “Ben, just in case…” Her mouth is too dry. “The caretakers on Ahch-To taught me that we shouldn’t deplete our own Living Force to heal. Just try and pick a tiny piece of every living thing around you.”

Ben shakes his head in wonder. “I can’t imagine they learned that from the Jedi.”

“Maybe the Jedi refused to learn that from _them_.” They share a quick grin. “All these pieces belonged to the Living Force, and I called upon them to help save lives.”

Ben nods as if he feels even more validated in his confidence, and then his proud gaze lingers on her, and Rey can’t help but feel reassured, too.

There’s still so much more to learn, about him, about herself. But about the two of them together, Dyad in the Force or not – yes, she’s sure now. He is just as committed to their togetherness as she is, out here between the worlds.

Maybe Rey will get her happy ending, after all.


	6. Union

A bolt of lightning blasts the ground much too close to Rey, and she flinches back on instinct.

She should have collided with Ben, who has stepped through the portal right after her. He would have caught her in his arms. But he isn’t corporeal yet, or she isn’t, and now they’re overlapping in the same spot, and she should move, but she can’t.

All she can do is stare.

This is the hellscape that’s imprinted on her mind against her will. It’s as terrifying as she remembers.

To break its spell, she needs to close her eyes and remind herself of the incredible events that have just happened.

Everything went so smoothly, didn’t it? So much better than she thought possible when they worked out their plan. It was so easy to walk back to the portal and out into the World between Worlds. Nothing hindered Ben from leaving while he held on to his half of the saberstaff that she had connected back to hers. And before they could even start to wonder where they should go next, a crystal fox had arrived to guide them along the starry pathways in a graceful trot.

Ben was right. The Force is positively _shoving_ them toward their second chance.

“Rey, look.”

Yes, this is Luke’s X-Wing in the distance. This proves that it’s the exact point of time they were looking for, as well. No time to worry. Time to put Ben’s theory to the test.

When Ben first proposed that they should merge with their own selves from three days ago, Rey was so shaken by the gross darkness of that idea. But then Ben had pointed out that if anyone could survive this, if anyone could ever _consent_ to this, it would be them, the Dyad that can travel through space and time.

As they did indeed.

By now, it seems more likely than not that this may actually work. As crazy as that sounds.

And there she is, the old Rey. She’s striding purposefully across the dusty grounds as if she could outrun her own fear. Her despair. Her loneliness.

She’ll always remember.

Rey looks up into Ben’s eyes, and he’s still glowing with awe and resolve. She nods at him with a small smile and lets his confidence soothe her nerves.

“Go.” He nods back. “I’ll come back for you.”

And on the cue of another atmospheric lightning strike, Rey takes the leap into the Force –

into the soaring level of adrenaline in her veins, her ears, deafening, dizzying, strangling –

she latches on to the fear, she knows it so well, this is her, herself –

the roaring ends to the clang of metal hitting the ground.

Is it done?

Rey takes a deep breath to calm her racing heart and bends down to pick up the saberstaff.

Her arms are covered with bandages.

She’s dressed in white again.

She did it.

She really… she went back in time, right? She took possession of her own body, and her mind is still… continuous.

And the burst of triumph propels Rey into an upright position, and she turns to Ben, but –

where is he?

Worry stabs at her heart again, and her vision blurs.

No. No, she must remember that this was to be expected.

Rey just can’t see him anymore. They discussed this. Her corporal body wouldn’t be able to perceive his non-corporeal form.

And his physical self isn’t here yet. Rey knows this. They have estimated the exact time it’s going to take for him to arrive. She just has to be patient and wait for him. One final time.

And the bond, yes, they were right. It feels like it did before. He’s not here in a way her eyes can see, but the bond is intact. She feels it. She trusts it.

Moreover, the saberstaff in her hand proves very solid to her grip. When its plasma blade emerges just as golden and stable as before, she exhales in relief.

And, yes, the other lightsabers are still there, too. But they… they don’t work any longer. So much for that backup plan. She keeps them on her belt anyway.

Another lightning strike hisses into the ground nearby, illuminating the Final Order fleet in the sky with their shadows looming larger than life. Rey’s stomach clenches at the dry rumbling in the dusty air.

The burnt stench of this barren ground is nauseating. The static discharge has raised the hairs on her arms, cold sweat erupting all over her again.

But she must not show her fear to the enemy. Her arrival certainly didn’t go unnoticed. She’s probably being monitored right now. Damn it! If they attack her now, she’ll be as helpless as she was three days ago. If Ben doesn’t arrive in time –

if he got sent back to Future-Naboo –

she will succumb, the galaxy will be doomed –

No, no, no!

She must remember that she trained for this. She _knew_ that slipping into a stressed-out body would likely have mental consequences, too. She has to breathe. Breathing will calm her down enough to recall what she has learned.

This is her test.

The dark side of this lair thrives on fear and hopelessness. It had succeeded in wearing her down three days ago. And of course, it will try again to smother all hope and fill her up with her greatest fears instead.

But this time, Rey is prepared.

Granted, Luke Skywalker may have tried to prepare her on Ahch-To, but it didn’t work because she didn’t understand. Her answer was honest then, as far as she could know – but it wasn’t _herself_ that she was most afraid of.

But Rey can face it now, the embarrassing thing she’s been most afraid of for all her life. She can face it because she knows… she _finally knows_ … that she’ll never be abandoned again.

Rey inhales and pulls up the memory of hands touching above a fire. She exhales and reminds herself of what she’s fighting for.

She’s chosen to be here to protect all the life. And her own future, too. They are going to hold on to their power, this time. They have chosen to hold on to one another. And to the Force. The light and the dark and everything in between.

Rey finally knows her place in all this, and as long as she takes it, loneliness just isn’t an option anymore.

*

A barrage of green flashes in the sky sends another cold shudder down her back.

How could they have arrived _this_ early? She did send them many course marker signals, yes, but she didn’t expect them to be racing like mad through the dangerous clouds of stardust. And it’s so few of them against that overwhelming Sith fleet. If only she could save them all.

_No one is coming to help them, and you are the one who led them here._

Darth Sidious truly excels in preying on his opponent’s worst fears, doesn’t he? She is so grateful that she doesn’t even need to perform an act of confidence to fight this shocking accusation anymore.

This time, Rey is able to help.

When Ben told her about this ancient Jedi technique, Rey was hooked instantly. It’s like the opposite of Force healing – instead of taking a piece of the Living Force, she’ll try and… inject a kind of immunization against despair into the Living Force of her comrades.

So, Rey sits down cross-legged and closes her eyes to climb into the web of the Force, looking for the strands of light that linger even here. She grasps all that she can find, shaking them loose from the grip of the dark side.

Yes, now that the Force around her feels more familiar again, she can see them, the Force signatures of all these brave souls. Dozens of them, and she’s zooming in on them in quick succession, searching –

wait, is that Rose? Yes, and Kaydel, and Snap.

And here’s Finn, brave Finn. Of course, he is scared. He’s horrified at the numbers of the enemy.

But Rey knows the truth. She knows for a fact that hundreds of ships are on their way. The Resistance just needs to hold out for a little longer. People will arrive from all over the galaxy to fight on their side.

_We are not alone. Help is coming. Await reinforcements._

This is her message, and although he can’t seem to _hear_ her, Finn understands anyway. His fear has subsided, and his resolve has resurfaced.

And then, Rey concentrates on moving across the battlefield while touching as many hearts as she can, and she feels the hope get shared around and become stronger because of it.

*

When the Force repulses her with a hard shove, Rey is surprised that she’s spinning a few feet above the ground. She’s lost all sense of her surroundings during the meditation. She shouldn’t have.

Luckily, she lands her somersault on her feet, saberstaff already ablaze at both ends without her conscious doing.

Fuck. It’s all six of them at the edge of the hell-mouth. Every single one is more than deadly on his own with these dreadful vibro blades, war clubs, and axes. Blasters, too.

Creatures in masks still frighten her. It’s good to know that they are just human beings, too, and not as strong with the Force as Rey and Ben are.

Rey _knew_ this was a possibility. Despite his efforts to shield it, Ben’s face had given away his concern. The Knights of Ren are skilled killers. They know how to use their victims’ fear against them. She must play it cool. She must trust that she can take them on like Ben could, if it comes to the worst.

How long until Ben arrives? She shouldn’t have lost track of time.

Oh well, she’s still alone against six, and they continue their advance, so it’s time to start the little charade Ben had designed.

Rey extinguishes the saberstaff and sizes the warriors up with her haughtiest stare. “Stand down, Knights of Ren,” she commands sharply.

When they pretend not to hear her, she pushes them with the Force. Two of them stumble backward, and they all stop in their tracks.

The one with the scythe blade holds up his hand. “We’re not here to fight you.”

“The Emperor is expecting you,” the one with the cleaver adds.

“I should hope so,” Rey snarls. “Where is your master? I expect him to escort me.”

They seem to exchange glances beneath their masks. Odd. But… good?

“Kylo Ren?” the one with the scythe blade finally ventures.

“How many masters do you have?” Rey sneers.

This is going surprisingly well. No-one has attacked her yet, and for a long moment, nobody even has an answer for her. Maybe they actually didn’t know Ben turned until he started shooting at the Sith guards.

“I requested his presence, and he formally consented to meet me here.” Rey puts as much condescension into her words as possible. “Frankly, I resent being kept waiting for so long. And being welcomed by subordinates.”

The one with the blaster arm gestures at her to move toward the entrance. “Don’t waste our time, little scavenger.”

Rey ignites her saberstaff to be ready for any blaster bolts. “Don’t try my patience, little sellsword.”

The one with the machete makes a move in her direction, and Rey shoves him back as hard as she can, freezing him for a moment.

And now the others are charging at her, too.

Rey sprints away from the hell-mouth, using the Force to push as many of them back as she can. But she soon has no choice but to engage, taking on two knights at a time with a wild swirl of parries.

Fuck, the scythe almost got her shoulder, attacking from behind.

At least, she’s no longer tense. She’s fucking _furious_.

Rey spins around and raises her hand, willing the electricity to crackle into existence –

“Knights of Ren!” Ben’s mighty roar is brimming with rage. “Weapons hold!”

 _Finally._ The blue sparks on her palm fizzle out.

She can’t see him yet, for she can’t risk taking her eyes off the one with the cleaver, who’s still hesitating – and attacks again. She dodges just in time to watch her opponent fly through the air and crash hard on his back, choking.

“Stand down!” His voice is pure menace now.

And as soon as Rey turns around, her breath hitches at the sight of Kylo Ren. His signature cloak billows as he’s striding closer, and he looks massive and savage against the ominous background. His outstretched, clenched hand relaxes after a glance at her.

It’s suddenly a lot hotter here, and her heart is racing even faster. She tries to calm her panting, and yes, she should play along by all means.

Is this really Ben? Even his former self from the original timeline would do. They discussed it. But Kylo… Kylo is still a wild card.

Another lightning strike illuminates his face, and she takes the opportunity to check. And yes, the scar is gone. But what does this prove?

No, Rey must focus on not breaking character now. She should be _offended_ , not scared. Even if it’s Kylo.

The knights have formed a wide circle around them, still clutching their weapons in an attack stance and watching them closely.

“You’re overstepping your authority,” Kylo-Ben snarls at them. “Remember that your loyalty belongs to me.”

“You’re late, Lord Ren,” Rey snaps. “No wonder your underlings lack respect.” She steps closer to him and makes a show of extinguishing her saber and clipping it to her belt.

“My apologies for these rough manners,” he says with a gallant bow, “it won’t happen again, Lady _Palpatine_.”

A few hands and heads twitch – this was news to the knights. Good. Ben’s still glaring at them with the air of absolute authority and doesn’t bother to explain further.

Rey can’t help but hold her breath at the silent battle of wills, until one by one, all the knights bow their heads in deference to their master. And maybe, to the surprise Palpatine in their midst, too.

Ben accepts their tacit apology. “Lead the way to the Lady’s grandfather, Knights of Ren.” He waits until the men have started walking toward the entrance.

Then his eyes lock on Rey’s, and suddenly, he’s in front of her, close enough to touch.

“Join me, Lady Rey,” Ben says and offers his hand in a very loose fist, thumb on top, clearly inviting her to lay her hand on top of his as if for a formal dance at a king’s court.

Exegol blurs around him, and Rey must remember to keep breathing, to keep pretending that this is not the most essential thing in the galaxy. She struggles to tear her eyes away from his bare hand and look up into his eyes.

“Not even death could part us,” Rey replies softly, while her own hand comes to rest upon his.

First, there’s warmth. Then, strong muscles flex and tremble, and her heart swells with the rush of elation – and holy shit, she can’t stop her fingers from sliding along his underarm up to his elbow, clasping as tightly as she can, reveling in the reality of his solid shape.

He responds in the same way, his gaze burning into hers. She can’t _breathe_. She needs to –

what’s up with this infernal noise and violent storm –

fuck, the starship that has just crashed much too close to them dissolves into an inferno of flames on impact, and she didn’t even see whether it was Resistance or Final Order.

She needs to help them!

Rey still feels dizzy, but Ben has already taken control, guiding her away from the fire with a firm grasp on her right forearm. He gestures for the knights who had turned around to keep leading the way, seemingly unimpressed by the carnage.

Right. They have to stop this once and for all.

He’s set a brisk pace toward the heart of danger, and when she’s come to her senses, she opens the clasp of the saberstaff, and he seizes his lightsaber with the Force, having it disappear under his cloak in a flash.

 _Let’s go save the galaxy,_ he risks saying through the bond, and Rey’s heart soars with hope, willing and prepared.

*

This hell hole looks just as horrifying as it did before. The lightning strikes, the statues, the screeching… everything still serves the purpose to instill terror.

Rey, however, takes a deep breath and feels even calmer than she’d hoped for. And strangely… it’s not just Ben’s presence at her side. It’s also the new awareness that this hostile, stale air will never have the power to suffocate her. Yes, even this avalanche of darkness still sustains the life she’ll cling to.

And some measure of fear is vital, of course. Under no circumstance must Ben and Rey be caught off guard again. The element of surprise needs to be on _their_ side, this time.

And so, once they enter the arena from behind the empty throne, Rey doesn’t even look up at the Sith in their ceiling-high ranks. She doesn’t check whether the Knights of Ren are teaming up with the temple guards, let alone evaluating their number and potential weaknesses.

No, Rey strides into the ring to face the throne just like they agreed.

And back there he is, the monster that’s rising out of the darkness with his bizarre machinery.

Fuck, just one glance at him unleashes her wrath, boiling hot through her blood, gathering and tightening in her hands.

A tidal wave of temptation thunders through her.

Someone screams ferociously, and someone whispers, _don’t kill him._

In the next heartbeat, her lightning strikes one of the grotesque petals of the throne. It explodes into a fountain of boulders and gravel that clatters to the ground with an earsplitting roar. Another fake petal disintegrates, and another one, and a thick cloud of dust obscures the sight of what’s left of the throne.

The Sith have fallen silent. The temple guards and the Knights of Ren are closing in on her, weapons at the ready.

She raises her smoking hands as if in surrender, lifting her chin to look up at the monster.

Darth Sidious is unharmed, just as she chose.

He halts the guards’ advance with a brusque wave of his hand, and then he studies her with his dead eyes and the caricature of a smile. As if he’s impressed with her. As if he thinks she’s showing off her skills to pledge herself as a Sith.

And she can’t even fault him for that, for the dark side is still coursing through her veins, rushing in her ears –

enough of that silly hesitation, she needs to finish that monster off, right now –

_Don’t. Rey. Look at me._

She’ll _glare_ at him, how dare he interrupt –

Oh.

Now Rey feels it, too. The threads of the light side are wrapping themselves around her, more aggressively even than those of the dark side, tying her into the web of the Force where she belongs.

This must be part of the Force protection that Ben has cast around them in the meantime, to shield them against any surprise attack, this time.

Ben takes a deep breath while holding her gaze, and she mimics him on instinct. He wanted her to. He isn’t stressed or strained in the slightest.

_I’ve got you._

Rey remembers. She’s still learning to wield the dark side. He’s helping her.

And now she remembers their plan, too.

“Shakti sends her regards,” Rey says, and she’s pleased to find that her voice sounds more confident than she feels like.

Palpatine can’t even place that name at once.

“She’s not sorry for bedding you.”

Now he knows who she’s talking about.

“However, she disapproves of your intent to kill me, for she wants lots of great-grandkids. She approves of my choice,” Rey looks at Ben, “of a husband.”

Well, this specific phrasing wasn’t… planned beforehand, expressly. But Ben just goes along with a straight face, pretending to bow before Palpatine – but this looks so much more like flipping him the bird, Rey can hardly contain her grin at the audacity.

“Traitor,” Palpatine spits. “All you Skywalkers are.”

“Solo,” Ben growls with icy contempt, “our name is Solo. Get used to it, Sheev.”

And just like that, Ben grabs Rey’s hand and presses his lips onto her knuckles. She bites her lips to suppress her gasp while a crazy tingling races from the spot of the kiss right into her most intimate insides. Her cheeks betray her by flushing hotly under his gaze.

What a move to render both Rey and Palpatine speechless for the long moment until Ben lets go of her hand.

Palpatine huffs in disgust and focuses his blind eyes on Rey. “Long have I waited for my grandchild to come home. I never wanted you dead. I wanted you here.” He looks to the throne, barely visible beneath the lingering cloud of dust. “You will take the throne. It is your birthright to rule here. It is in your blood. Our blood. You will want for nothing as my Empress.”

Ugh, how is it possible that Palpatine seems even nastier than last time? Ben is glowering next to her, fists clenched.

Rey draws herself up to her full height to fight a wave of nausea. “As a child, I’ve yearned for a family. For someone to love and protect me. You failed, _grandpa_.”

“Foolish child,” Palpatine says. “Every being in the galaxy will be at your mercy. You will never need to bother about anyone’s loyalty again.” The holding arm has moved closer, and now his empty eyes are staring at Ben as if he expects him to betray Rey any second now.

“The only power I want in my life,” Rey says with a composure that surprises herself, “is the true nature of the Force.”

_Well said, sweetheart._

“Weak. Like your parents.” Palpatine seems to get angrier. That means: more dangerous.

But they aren’t done here yet.

Rey turns to Ben, for it’s high time he has his say, too. And wow, with this air of icy calm on his face, he looks the most dangerous she’s ever seen him.

“You still don’t understand the Force.” His tone suggests that he can’t believe that Palpatine flaunts such utter stupidity. “You poisoned my thoughts for all my life, and yet it took only one gesture of compassion to undo it all.”

She’s never seen him maintain such steely composure. It’s hot.

“The Force offers the same peace to everyone,” Ben continues, “even to a despicable old fool like you.” And wow, did he just point at Palpatine as if admonishing a wayward toddler? He’s incredible.

“Peace is a lie.” Is Palpatine _baffled_? Where’s his usual menace? “The Force obeys the strong who bend it to their will.” The machine abruptly rises above them. “Just like I bent you, last of the Skywalkers. And when I finally break you, she will kill me in hatred,” he shifts his blind stare from Ben to Rey, “and we will be one.”

Okay, it was worth a try. Time is running out.

Ben knows it, too.

“You should wish to be one with the Force, grandfather.”

Palpatine wants to contradict her, she feels it, but somehow the words are stuck.

It’s _Ben_. She can’t believe he’s pierced Palpatine’s shields with a sneaky Force choke.

“The true power of the Force lies in the balance,” Ben explains calmly. “It’s time to let the old ways die.” Then, he releases his hold with a dramatic turn of his wrist. He’s just spectacular like that.

Not even a breath later, they have twirled their sabers from their belts into the classical Jedi ready stance simultaneously, golden blades glowing and crackling with the promise of invincible power.

But what’s this? Is Ben’s blade pulling at hers? Woah, this magnetic pull is stronger than her muscles!

Both blades have started humming, and whatever they want, they don’t want to stay parallel to each other. Maybe they want to cross one another, just like Rey did three days ago.

_Yes. Let it go._

Both Rey and Ben ease their grips to let the blades consummate their gravitational attraction on their own.

But no, they don’t cross.

The blades are _melting_ into one another.

_Impossible._

At the same instant, Palpatine starts his attack with evil relish, Force lightning thundering against them –

ruffling their hair with a gust of storm –

but why is there no counter pressure to withstand?

The silver light is shrieking.

The golden light is humming.

Rey can’t help but stare at hundreds of electrical sparks that are crashing against an invisible Force shield in front of them, crawling up and down in search of a breach.

But the shield is strong, and the lightning can’t penetrate it.

Is this still Ben’s Force protection?

_I could not resist that amount of energy on my own._

And now the guards are creeping up on them from all the other sides. Ben is aware of it too, and he agrees with an almost imperceptible nod.

It’s their best bet. Let the blades work their magic.

So, they raise their weapon arms above their heads, careful not to break their blade lock, until the intertwined plasma blades form a shining golden canopy above them.

They were right. The guards are physically repulsed by the invisible energy shield that’s – now? – enclosing them on all sides.

_Time for tutaminis. You with me?_

Of course. She concentrates as Ben taught her on future-Naboo, latching on to the coldness of Palpatine’s dark energy, welcoming it, tempering it with her own darkness, and all the light she can pick up within herself, around her, alongside Ben. And she keeps weaving it into a protective cover, like armor. Like a mother’s arms.

And no, neither Ben nor Rey attempt to force the lightning back into Palpatine. They only protect what they love, just like they planned.

She’s sweating from the effort, and she blindly reaches for Ben’s free hand, and he interlocks his fingers with hers at once. Rey can’t tell whether it’s Ben who’s guiding her or the Force itself, but whatever they are doing, she knows it’s working, for their energy shield isn’t invisible anymore.

A faint glow has sprung up at its outer confines. The color of their lightsabers.

That means it’s getting stronger, right?

Rey looks at Ben for confirmation, but he doesn’t react, for his eyes are still closed in concentration, and damn, his lips, his parted lips, why oh why is he so gorgeous?

Her stomach surges and drops and her fingers clench around his out of their own volition. And she can’t stop the raw hunger that floods her whole being, filling her to the brim, threatening to burst out of her any moment now. It’s _painful_ how much she just wants to devour him.

The worst timing ever for that kind of thing.

But right now, it’s all she can think about.

The golden glow around them flickers brightly enough to highlight the tiny grin at the corner of his mouth.

And she knows it, she’s going to _die_ if she doesn’t – he’s just licked his delightful lips, eyes still closed, and that’s it, she can’t hold back any longer. The whole galaxy should witness their love.

Witness them _consummate_ their love.

_Seriously, sweetheart?_

And when he _chuckles,_ she lets go of his hand to grab his head, down, down towards her, raising herself on tiptoes. Oh, his smell. His delicious _smell_.

She feels dizzy, and her lips land on his just like before. Too clumsy probably, but it doesn’t matter, for he’s already kissing her back.

It suddenly feels so much brighter here, but she doesn’t let up.

Neither does he.

Her eyes stay closed because there’s nothing more important than finally, _finally_ feasting on these luscious lips. So soft. Incredibly, unexpectedly – gentle, everything about Ben is gentle, his fingers brushing her hair, his nose clinging to her skin, this delicate caress along her lips – is that – is that his tongue?

A hot shock jolts through her, and her eyes snap open.

Their parted lips are barely touching anymore, but she keeps breathing him in with deep inhales, and once her pupils have adjusted to the brightness around her –

Holy shit.

The golden light, it’s spreading out from the glowing shield, forming a myriad of tendrils, unfurling towards the shadows of the temple, like roots. Up into the air like branches, growing and climbing as if on a rope.

And the golden light, it’s not only emanating from their lightsabers anymore.

It’s radiating from _Ben_. The whole of his body. He’s _luminous_ , enveloped with an aura of golden rays.

And what’s with her own hand – she takes it out of Ben’s hair to inspect it, for she can’t believe her eyes.

_You’re glowing._

They both are. And when they finally drop their sabers by the same shared instinct, the light stays in place, sustained by nothing but their physical presence, protecting them in an impenetrable cocoon.

Their hands can do much better things than holding a weapon.

This is the very first time they get to embrace, and Rey realizes with a pang that she’ll never be able to get close enough. Ever. No matter that his hold is so tight she can barely breathe, while her hands keep sliding over every inch of his shape she can reach.

The ache deep inside of her increases with each passing moment, and she presses herself harder against him, yearning, needing –

_Rey. Look._

No, she needs to –

_Sweetheart. We must stay in control._

Ben takes her head in both hands and turns her gaze upward, and Rey awakes from her trance with a start.

The tendrils of golden light have broken through the mechanic ceiling, presenting a horrifying view of the battle still roaring in the night sky above them.

People are _dying_ there. Her friends.

And Palpatine – he’s still hurtling his Force lightning against their shield, looking for a weak spot he could use to breach it and drain them. He still aims to destroy the Resistance fleet. And Rey and Ben.

They must still prevent him from creating that disastrous Force storm. Somehow. Whatever it takes.

Rey takes a painful step back from Ben.

And Palpatine sneers. “Are you done whoring around? Look at your friends. They don’t have long. No one is coming to help them.”

What a pitiful lie. Rey just tunes him out this time. Instead, she listens to the more truthful voices her memory surprises her with.

_It moves through and surrounds every living thing. Feel it. The light. It's always been there. It will guide you._

_It’s the energy between all things, a tension, a balance, that binds the universe together._

_Don’t be afraid of who you are._

And she looks up at Ben, and he looks back at her, and that’s when Rey knows, just knows, just like he does, what it is that they need to do.

The light the Force has gifted them with – “We must wield it.”

“This is our purpose,” Ben agrees instantly.

“Bring a new order to the galaxy,” she replies on impulse.

Ben’s mouth twitches at the corner, just like hers did. “But not a reign.”

Yes. They won’t take sides. Their place is in the center. With each other. And with all their fellow beings.

And they both fall to their knees, coming to rest with their hands upon each other’s shoulders, foreheads touching.

And Rey closes her eyes and focuses on the love she’s tethered in.

Ben, so blissfully solid under her hands.

And their _love_ , too, Rey can literally _touch_ it in the Force, amazed at the sturdiness of this so fragile looking thread between her and him –

it’s resilient, and she’s making it glow, letting it manifest for everyone to see –

the Force itself –

she feels Ben feel it too, do it, too –

golden tendrils sprouting out, up into the sky, in between blaster bolts and firestorms –

the rays of light, blooming amongst all the living things in this giant web of life –

the Force, inside them, inside her –

oh, she will _dissolve_ from the heat of the exertion, sweat dripping down her skin, soaking her –

but she’s still not guiding it, not finished creating it –

the Force –

she’ll give anything to –

the rolling waves of heat condense and liquefy, drowning her in torrents –

the light, it’s a waterfall rushing skywards, a river exploding from its source –

a scream echoes in her ears, and _how_ did she get up onto her feet again, trembling in Ben’s tight embrace?

“You’re a Dyad in the Force.”

They look up at Palpatine in unison. He stares back with blank eyes.

Wow, only now she notices the cracks caused by the golden tendrils that reach as far into the ground as they do into the skies.

And these people over there, these must be the guards and the Knights of Ren. They are hard to make out against the bright light that entangles their silhouettes.

Only Palpatine is still shrouded in shadows. At least, he has paused his futile Force lightning for now. “Unseen for generations.”

“A power like life itself, they say,” Ben says with a cavalier twitch of his lips.

“My scion and the Skywalker spawn.” The remnant of another electrical discharge illuminates Palpatine’s face, and Rey isn’t sure – did she just see – was that some sort of fascination flashing over his undead features? As if he was genuinely impressed by an authority greater than himself, for once?

“It’s true, Sheev,” Rey says impulsively, “and you played a part in creating us.”

Everyone is looking at her now. Palpatine, interested. The guards, stunned. Ben, frowning.

“Your lineal descendant will conquer space and time, and nobody will be able to defy me. Not even you. What a glorious legacy.”

This isn’t what matters to her… not really. But why not let this point of view linger for a bit? It does feel nice to feel invincible. She won’t deny it. And strangely, this little indulgence here feels like doing the right thing.

An imitation of her proud grin flickers across Palpatine’s face, and for some strange reason, Rey doesn’t even hate that old fool anymore. What a shame to strive for nothing but power. What a pity to know nothing about love. “You can rest now.”

And maybe the flattery distracted him, or else he has accepted defeat for the first time in his life.

Whatever the reason – the light emanating from Rey does slip through some tiny fissures in Palpatine’s shield. On pure instinct, she stretches out her arms as if preparing to catch a child running towards her, and she concentrates, consciously focuses not on crushing but on embracing him with the golden tendrils, as gently as she can.

And she feels Ben joining to help her, faithful Ben, how could she love him more, and suddenly Palpatine’s eyes – what’s happening – it seems as if the unnatural enchantments are leaving his body?

Palpatine marvels at his healed, human hands with incredulous surprise in his seeing, human eyes.

Rey didn’t aim to destroy him – but she didn’t intend to heal him either, did she?

For a long moment, he looks like… this must have been the man that Shakti had known, the human being he was before he turned into Darth Sidious.

Like the _grandfather_ she never had.

He looks up at Rey with the hint of a smile, and when his body begins to age rapidly within the golden light, he doesn’t fight it at all. He just keeps flicking his eyes between Rey and his hands.

Palpatine is an old man now that is much too old to stay alive. An ancient man that turns into a corpse that turns into dust.

A second later, the Sith ghosts flicker out of existence without so much as a sigh.

All that remains of their adversaries in the temple cave is the wide circle of warriors around them, still bathed in golden light. When Rey starts to check with the Force how much of a danger they still pose – weirdly, a few of them start taking off their masks. Their faces seem much too youthful, much too stunned, for their grim reputation to uphold.

And then, all these fighters kneel at the time and lay down their weapons and masks in a gesture of fealty, as if someone had commanded them to.

But Ben is just as pleasantly surprised as she is.

And he doesn’t feel overly triumphant either, although they have just defeated the most powerful Sith Lord that ever terrorized the galaxy. For good, this time.

Rey is simply relieved that this immediate threat is gone. Relieved that their theories were validated so far.

She feels… she feels remarkably confident.

Serene.

And so, she returns Ben’s soft smile while sinking to her knees in front of him.

And as soon as their foreheads touch again, they’re lifted back into the golden light in the skies above the temple, and only now she realizes that the tendrils have formed a multi-dimensional grid, spread throughout the entirety of the battlefield, as far as she can perceive.

This must have happened in that heady, feral rush she can’t remember the ending of, right?

Rey feels so much calmer now, and she takes a moment to marvel at the impeccable immunity of this web of light to the battle still raging around it. The ships and missiles can hustle all they want, but the light won’t waver.

Everyone should be able to see it.

She studies the golden threads that still seem perceivable only to Force-sensitives… and she has to chuckle at her own slow-wittedness. It’s so obvious.

The Force is everywhere, connecting every living thing, whether they like it or not, and the threads between them may not be as all-encompassing as her love for Ben, but they don’t need to be. They are already intertwined. There just needs to be life, and they’ll become visible, too.

And she guesses – yes, she needs to find a way to connect to the Living Force again, a way to branch out from the solid backbone that her connection with Ben has already established.

Maybe the best approach to initiate the illumination... she should find the threads tying her to her friends first.

Yes, she has to find –

_The traitor is over there._

What – Ben! But she can’t spare time for a comeback, for what the hell is Finn doing on the surface of a flying ship?

Rey shakes her head to calm herself, and the strand leading from herself to Finn flashes brightly as soon as she concentrates on it. And he’s looking up at the light as if he’s already seeing it – he probably does, right?

And once it reaches Finn’s heart, it doesn’t hesitate to uncoil further toward the Kef Bir woman that’s fighting next to him, and from her, on to her comrades close by. And here’s Rose, trying to touch the golden light that entwines her, pointing it out to all the people who get entangled in the growing web by Rose’s threads of light, in turn.

Whoa – Ben’s sudden turmoil of joy – regret – longing – absorbs her into his point of view, and in this very moment, he’s touching Chewie with his light, who in turn shares the light to Lando Calrissian, and they both stare up at Ben as if they can see him, his sorrow and joy mirrored on their faces.

The next moment, the strings of golden light virtually explode to light up the whole of the Galaxy Fleet that has just arrived.

It’s high time they reach out to the hostile parties too, and her theory proves true: Rey is connected to _all_ the living things, even if they wanted to kill her a second ago. And she shouldn’t be so amazed that the golden light gets shared among all the living things of the First and the Final Order, as well. Of course, it would. These ties are universal. Inescapable.

And now that the light surrounds every being that draws a breath or forms a consciousness, they all clamor for an explanation of what’s happening, they want to know, they _need_ to know. But no one has ever seen anything like this before.

A lot of masks are taken off to watch more closely, revealing stunned faces of all ages, genders, species, allegiances.

Some people are afraid, but many, so many more are sensing the truth about the golden threads connecting them to every other being in the room, in every other ship around them, in the whole of this inextricable web of the Force. And no matter what shape they inhabit, all these shapes withdraw from their fatal triggers.

It’s time for the message, right?

Rey moves her hand from Ben’s shoulder to his cheek, and he agrees.

Together, they reach out to the Force and prompt it to flash even brighter, asking everyone to listen, offering to explain.

Rey can’t believe how quickly the uproar on the comms quietens down in response. But she takes advantage of the first moment of silence anyway.

“Come home,” she says quietly.

“Come as you are,” Ben murmurs.

Every living thing is listening.

“You are forgiven,” Rey says.

“You are loved,” Ben says.

And the Force signals its approval with golden sparks beyond their control.

Every living thing can _feel_ the truth reverberate all around them, through them, within them.

It’s Poe who dares to break the awed silence. “Rey?”

“Poe Dameron. General Hux. This is Supreme Leader Ren,” Ben says, standing up.

In contrast to his soft words a minute ago, now he looks downright imperious. Shoulders and legs spread wide, one hand clenched, the other one clasping the lightsaber hilt at the ready by his side. The glare on his face is fearsome. He looks just like the terrifying Emperor he _could_ be.

Rey feels it, too, that everyone in the ships can see them now, and so she rises as well, calling her lightsaber, straightening into a similar pose of grim determination to the left of Ben.

“Supreme Leader! Sir!” Hux reports through some static.

“Palpatine is dead. I command the First Order to cease fire and retreat out of orbit, except for the Steadfast. Stand by for further orders.” Ben looks at Rey. “The Resistance is free to leave.”

Rey nods at Ben, brusquely, just like they had rehearsed. She must not smile. She must stick to the script of their final takeover, for this is the crucial part.

“This is Rey of Jakku, Jedi champion of the Resistance,” Rey says in as harsh a tone as she can muster. “The Resistance will retreat to the base and cease all sabotage and warfare with immediate effect.”

“Rey!” This is Finn in utter disbelief.

“Moreover,” Rey continues as if she hasn’t heard him. “I am the sole descendant of Sheev Palpatine, hence heiress to Darth Sidious. Hereby I assume supreme command of the Final Order. The fleet will return to Exegol quarters immediately.”

“The peace negotiations will begin in ten days,” Ben declares after a curt nod at Rey. “Each planet shall send twelve representatives for each of its sapient species to Coruscant by the end of next week. The First Order will oversee that the representatives are chosen not by money, but by lot, with equal chances for everyone.”

“All current institutions of the New Republic may observe the proceedings,” Rey adds. “All lobbyist councils are suspended indefinitely. The assembly will declare universal species rights and build a fair, peaceful government upon those.”

“Supreme Leader!” That was a scandalized senior officer she doesn’t recognize. But Ben does.

_It’s necessary, Rey._

She agrees, and they ignite their lightsabers simultaneously. And they act as one, slowly raising their blades from pointing at the ground into the Jedi ready stance, clasping their second hands around the hilts, raising their heads to glare at all the Force signatures around them with all the passion the dark side grants them.

A little show for the greater good. And to be honest, she doesn’t have to play-act half as much as she had thought when they had discussed it beforehand. She really means it.

“Fair warning,” Rey says icily. “Kylo Ren and I are the Dyad in the Force that was prophesied to the Sith. The extent of our joint power surpasses any you have ever seen. You were all scared of Darth Sidious. Please consider that we vanquished him without suffering a single injury ourselves.”

And she looks at Ben, and together, they reach out to the Force, all along these threads, and _take hold_. Not a full stasis, no. Just a small but uncomfortable reminder of what Force users can do if challenged.

“We will personally lead the interim government and all military command,” Ben announces. “We will not tolerate dissent during the transition. Do not mistake us for Jedi.”

After another beat of tense silence, they let go of the hold and allow the cacophony of comms to resume.

Rey can make out a lot of “yes, sir,” and “yes, ma’am,” and then Poe’s voice stands out with a resounding, “alright guys, you heard it, let’s go home!”

And Rey can’t quite believe their luck when all the crews, of all allegiances, choose to obey the commands that were given from the luminous manifestation of the Force. At least, for now.

*

Rey didn’t know that machines like this exist. In a matter of seconds, she’s been dried head to toe, and her hair is straight and neat.

She didn’t even notice this imperial luxury when she first used this refresher. Okay, back then, she must have been too preoccupied with the thrill of anticipation.

The pile of dirty clothing she had left on the floor earlier has disappeared. She doesn’t even want it back. And the bathrobe is… probably somewhere close to the bunk where she dropped it once she got a grip on his towel. A giggle breaks free at the memory of that honest duel. Oh, and that velvety taste of victory.

Rey should get dressed properly anyway.

She doesn’t even question how the pitch-black stack of clothing has managed to appear on the shelf. And yet, she’s impressed how perfectly the underwear, tank top, and leggings fit her body. The fabrics are so much softer than expected, as well.

Maybe someone is trying to ingratiate themselves after the Dyad’s hostile takeover.

Rey isn’t _glad_ that General Pryde dared to defy them when they boarded the Steadfast, and she truly regrets that they had to stun so many troopers with the Force on their way to the command center – but of course, this coup was bound to happen, and now it’s settled.

Some of their adversaries seemed surprised that the Knights of Ren and Palpatine’s Guard had joined the victorious Force-sensitives. But they understood soon after witnessing that the Dyad’s warnings were no empty threats.

The mutineers are gone, the Supreme Council of the First Order has been transferred to the Derriphan, and the new command of the Steadfast was appointed as swiftly as if Ben had done this a thousand times before. They had discussed this – most officers will likely continue to do their duty as they always do. No matter what the leaders are planning to do.

Damn, they really did it – they’ve made themselves the most critical target in the galaxy. They certainly need to hurry to create as much life as possible in their second chance lives.

Challenge accepted.

The reflection in the ceiling-high mirror amazes Rey. She looks so different in black, with her hair open and this smug smile on her face.

She likes it.

By habit, her fingers had moved into her hair to twist it into buns, but no. No, it feels good to wear it loose, for once. So, she lets it go and shakes her head for it to fall naturally.

She probably shouldn’t feel so comfortable in these treacherous surroundings.

But she can’t help but enjoy that her whole body feels so relaxed. More than just sated.

On second thought, it’s quite unsettling that she feels so _whole_.

Rey checks her throat and wrists and her hips under the waistband, for shouldn’t there be some, like, hickeys and honestly, even bruises? And some overall soreness, for sure.

He didn’t break his promise to not use the Force for this special occasion, did he? She couldn’t stop writhing like always, but oh, here in the real world, it felt so _satisfying_ to struggle against his thighs and hands and gentle generosity. When he finally gave in to her pleas… damn, she can’t wait to give herself up to his all-consuming fierceness again.

She bites her lip and eyes the stupid blush on her cheeks in the mirror.

Oh, this is absolutely something Ben would do. He must have erased his accidental traces on her body with the Force while she was sound asleep in his arms.

The only indication of an injury is the old scar on her right arm. Actually, it looks quite beautiful by now.

All the wonderful words he whispered all over her skin must have gone to her head. She grins about herself... to herself... and steps away from the mirror.

It’s a bit embarrassing, really, what they did to the master bedroom in the brief time they’ve spent here. Oh, she has a vague idea how that linen got ripped and when these dishes broke, but she didn’t care – she was busy exploring, and trying to stay sane through all this relentless teasing. It’s all his fault, right?

Rey grins again, and she’s not sorry either for what happened to the hidden surveillance systems. Ben’s and Vicrul’s search seemed so systematic and professional. She should apply this routine to any new quarters from now on, too.

This reminds her to check their Force shield, and yes, it’s still in place. Just outside the door, she senses the presence of the two knights that Ben had assigned to the task. They need to discuss tactics with them soon. If Ben hasn’t already taken care of that after she fell asleep.

Oh. The guards have been so close by all night, and she totally forgot Ben’s banter – did they really hear her…? Damn it, she hopes not. Oh, they really need to figure out how to soundproof and avoid all this collateral damage out of basic decency, even though she doesn’t have anything to hide anymore. Yep, definitely up there on her epic to-do list.

Rey’s eyes zoom in on the fruit basket that’s been twisted and overturned, spilling its contents all over the table, and she pops a few of the yummy seeds into her mouth. Oh, such a delicious explosion of sweetness on her tongue.

Inexplicably, Ben’s old sweater has landed right next to the fruits, and she glides her fingertips over the fabric one last time. She doesn’t need it anymore.

Ben is standing in front of the window at the far end of the suite, looking out. Bare feet wide apart, hands clasped behind his back like the proud commander he is. He’s dressed in the same style she is, and the mere sight of his muscular frame makes her heart pound faster again. And damn, this is _her_ hickey on his neck.

_Protector of life. Creator of life._

Either way, the Force _must_ be aware that Rey’s approach to these challenges will always favor the most literal interpretation. At least, there’s no doubt anymore: If Rey and Ben join forces, they’ll manage to accomplish any task the Force entrusts them with.

Rey takes the last few steps to her place by Ben’s side.

And he seizes her hand without so much as a glance at her. As if they had done this before. As if he’s been waiting for her.

“We’ve just left hyperspace,” he says.

She follows the direction of his gaze out through the transparisteel to see what he’s so transfixed by.

This sprawling skyline must be Coruscant, then.

And the golden light along the web of the Force that was initiated on Exegol – it still lingers around them, even here. As if it’s expanding further, looking for all the living things across the whole of the galaxy.

Rey reaches out to the Force to join with all the living things that are admiring the beautiful light in the night sky – and the light doesn’t stay in orbit but enters the atmosphere and interweaves with the planet’s Force web to show the unbreakable connections between all the living things.

“The Force,” Rey breathes, struck with awe, just like everyone else.

“… is with us,” Ben continues, gazing right through into her soul. And she understands that he needs to make sure that _she_ is still with _him_ , too, as inconceivable as that seemed just a few days ago.

She is, and she will be forever, and his relief envelops her like an embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This heroine’s journey is now complete, and I hope this ending feels more satisfying than TROS did. Does it need a fluffy little epilogue maybe? I’m not sure yet.
> 
> Thank you so, so much for your lovely feedback! You won't believe how much it means to me.


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